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Original poster

I really dislike my new partners kids

270 replies

whattodonext09 · 26/02/2023 20:03

I have been dating a new partner for the best part of 4 months. You've taken it slow and not introduced our kids until recently.

Without sounding cruel, I really do not like my partner's kids. They constantly fight, bicker, talk back and are downright rude to them. Everything is a battle, who is sitting where in the car, bed time, what they are eating for dinner, what they are wearing, what we are doing. More often than not one or both get into a state if they do not get their own way.

It sometimes feels like a negotiation rather than a parent takign the lead.

They are a great person, a great partner and make me really happy. We connect on so many levels, emotionally, in our career, life values and sexually.

But I can't stand the way the kids behave. They can't even sit at a dinner table without having to be babied.

I know as the kids get older things will get easier but at this moment in time I don't like them and I don't like being around them.

I am not saying that I am parent of the year or anything, and they do anamazing job. Event my son has mentioned of their kids are constantly arguing.

It is really putting me off wanting to be with them...

Does that make me a bad person

I don't know what to do...

OP posts:
AllTheThingsIWantAreHere · 26/02/2023 20:16

You've done a good job of disguising everyone's sex. I can't tel if it's a single sex relationship or not and I can't tell if you are make or female.

I'm guessing male? 👀

MarchingBand · 26/02/2023 20:17

Introducing kids after 4 months is not taking it slow!

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 26/02/2023 20:17

You shouldn't have to be a step parent to kids you don't like and they shouldn't have to have a step parent that doesn't like them. Simple solution is end it. You'll never come before these kids and if you ever do, then your partner is a shithouse

gamerchick · 26/02/2023 20:17

I'm getting the impression the OP is male. Despite the GN post.

You're moving too fast OP. You shouldn't have even met the kids yet. Take it back a notch and go back to dating or move on

NotAnotherBathBomb · 26/02/2023 20:18

It's fast, but a good thing because you can just leave. You won't like them more with time.

Try dating someone without kids.

SomePeopleAreJustBloodyStupid · 26/02/2023 20:18

WidthofaLine · 26/02/2023 20:12

Poor kids.

Adults every which way they turn being aresholes thinking of themselves.

correct

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 26/02/2023 20:18

Well now you know this, it's time to break up with him. It's only been 4 months, it'll be best for you, your partner and the kids if you part ways.

Donnashair · 26/02/2023 20:18

Beat part of 16 weeks, kids have met and you think you took it slow?

The relationship needs to end. No kids should be subjected to people who don’t like them.

You have a choice. They don’t

Holibobbins · 26/02/2023 20:18

Poor kids.
They're probably confused to who you are and why you're suddenly there at dinner and bedtime.

7 and 9 are still very very young to be dealing with this.

I'll never understand how people do this to their kids. Selfish. You can stay apart happily, dating, for year without involving small kids.

JMSA · 26/02/2023 20:19

4 months?? What a dreadful parenting decision.

toobusytothink · 26/02/2023 20:20

How many times have you met them? You’ve only been with your partner 4 months so surely not many times? To have even met them after 4 months is fast. To have met them and have seen them at bedtimes is soooo fast! I didn’t introduce my OH to my kids for 1 1/2 years and he only slept over when they were at their dad’s for the first nearly 3 years! You have taken things way too quickly and if you don’t like them then you will have to end things or backtrack and start only seeing each other when your partner doesn’t have their children

SunflowerTed · 26/02/2023 20:20

I got with a widower and his eight year old son and I couldn’t stand each other. However, I was the adult and sucked it up. He’s 23 now and we have a great relationship and his dad and I are more loved up than ever. If you and this man are so good together and you think it’s worth it work with him in the long term on the kids behaviour. They are probably playing up as they feel threatened by you

Takenoprisoner · 26/02/2023 20:21

AlwaysGinPlease · 26/02/2023 20:12

They are a great person, a great partner and make me really happy. We connect on so many levels, emotionally, in our career, life values and sexually

All that, after only four months ?! Oh do behave. Poor little children. I hope he dumps you first.

Not even four @AlwaysGinPlease.

Neither of you are putting your dc first. And yes, if you don't like their children then it should be a jon starter.

SpecialK2023 · 26/02/2023 20:22

It only gets easier if their parents are competent. If not, it just gets harder. Are the children the issue here or is their parenting the issue?

Topnun · 26/02/2023 20:22

It doesn't make you a bad person, but being realistic its moved too fast and you and the children are better off if you walk away.

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/02/2023 20:23

4 months isn’t taking things slow. If you’ve decided to introduce your kids day trips or the odd meal together is plenty and neither of you needs to be around at the others bedtimes. Calm it down.

However, this is precisely one of the reasons people are wrong to leave meeting the kids for too long. No matter how much you like each other it’s a deal breaker if you don’t like each others kids and a mistake to get too attached before realising this.

I was smitten with now DH but if I hadn’t liked his children or respected his parenting I’d have been off like a shot.

You won’t get over this so just end it. Next time, 4 months isn’t long, just enjoy dating.

SpecialK2023 · 26/02/2023 20:23

NotAnotherBathBomb · 26/02/2023 20:18

It's fast, but a good thing because you can just leave. You won't like them more with time.

Try dating someone without kids.

Exactly. I met my DSC after being with their dad nearly a year. By that point I was committed. I wish I’d met them earlier before I fell in love and starting picturing my future as a family.

EyesOnThePies · 26/02/2023 20:23

Have you got one child?

7 and 9 is still an age where siblings bicker all the time, fight, vye for attention, etc. It’s not being babied if this needs managing.

Keep it casual: see each other when no kids are involved. See how that pans out in 2 years. If you are still together then you might have something enough to endure.

Do not involve your child in attempted blending after 4 months.

MoreSleepPleasee · 26/02/2023 20:24

Yanbu op. Know exactly how you feel. It does not get any better until they get much much older. Seriously end it.

Reddahlias · 26/02/2023 20:24

I feel sorry for his children

lopsees · 26/02/2023 20:25

Dating for less than 4 months.
Young children involved.
Children in both sides.
Either go back to dating each other (and NOT involving the kids) or end it.

MissMarplesbag · 26/02/2023 20:26

You sound like a right piece of work, do the right thing and separate and find someone without children. with any luck they'll be on here saying the same thing about your kids

Original poster
whattodonext09 · 26/02/2023 20:26

Wow what a really judgemental group of 'ladies'

I take it that you are all perfect and have never done anything other than the best. I never realised there were so many ivory towers. It's rather lonely down here with the great unwashed and bad parents.

I wonder whether you all understand the power of your words. I assume you are just taking a break from saving the world, curing kids from cancer.

Or do you just like to try and gloat over those who you think you are better than. Just to make your sad life feel a little bit better than

OP posts:
Greensleevevssnotnose · 26/02/2023 20:26

Next time wait a year before meeting the kids, and a partner is someone you share a life with, not someone you met just before Christmas ffs.

Paq · 26/02/2023 20:26

No one objectively likes 7 and 9 year olds. They are at peak annoying at those ages. They will be even more annoying around you because they are banking on their parent not going nuclear on them on front of you.

You have been dating this person for a matter of weeks. Stop hanging around with the kids and just enjoy their company.