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Original poster

I really dislike my new partners kids

270 replies

whattodonext09 · 26/02/2023 20:03

I have been dating a new partner for the best part of 4 months. You've taken it slow and not introduced our kids until recently.

Without sounding cruel, I really do not like my partner's kids. They constantly fight, bicker, talk back and are downright rude to them. Everything is a battle, who is sitting where in the car, bed time, what they are eating for dinner, what they are wearing, what we are doing. More often than not one or both get into a state if they do not get their own way.

It sometimes feels like a negotiation rather than a parent takign the lead.

They are a great person, a great partner and make me really happy. We connect on so many levels, emotionally, in our career, life values and sexually.

But I can't stand the way the kids behave. They can't even sit at a dinner table without having to be babied.

I know as the kids get older things will get easier but at this moment in time I don't like them and I don't like being around them.

I am not saying that I am parent of the year or anything, and they do anamazing job. Event my son has mentioned of their kids are constantly arguing.

It is really putting me off wanting to be with them...

Does that make me a bad person

I don't know what to do...

OP posts:
LaughingCat · 26/02/2023 20:27

Oh god, I was laughing when I read the ‘taking it slow and met the kids at 4 months’…except it’s not really funny.

You’ve learned your lesson, move on before you confuse them more unless you really think that you can get past this.

Bedtimes at 16 weeks…Jesus…

babyfrenchie · 26/02/2023 20:29

Do him & his kids a favour and move along.

Festivfrenzy · 26/02/2023 20:29

WidthofaLine · 26/02/2023 20:12

Poor kids.

Adults every which way they turn being aresholes thinking of themselves.

Yup. My kids are this age and fight on all those mentioned issues but can also play together like cherubs.
If you don't recognise that as normal behaviour for their age, esp given parents are no longer together, plus the fact that new partner is being introduced after no time - you barely even know your new partner let alone them - then you should probably end it for their sake and yours.
Long term this is not going to go well for any of you.

Franklyfrank · 26/02/2023 20:30

That sounds tricky, the speed you have moved at may have something to do with it. Difficult to say, as you've known each such a short time. You mentioned quite a few different situations, which suggest you spend a lot of time together as a blended family. We all have our own way of doing things, we're all different. My definition of taking it slow is not meeting kids until a year together, and then slowly and gradually progressing from just a walk/play in the park, then a week or two later perhaps lunch together, then very slowly and gradually increasing to a max of 2 blended activities a week while everyone adjusts to the new situation, and then only upping that if everyone is on board with that. You mentioned bedtime, that is quite an important time of the day that I would not involve my partner in even now years later. My priority is that my child feels happy and connected with me, I take my cues from what they tell me they're happy with. Children who do not get a say on who they spend time with when will act up to show they're not happy with the situation. If this person is someone you see a future with I wonder if you could take a step back, spend time apart in your individual family units and talk to the kids about what they are comfortable with. In my experience kids are pretty resilient and forgiving, but more so if they feel they are heard and seen too. If it is a like it or lump situation they may feel cornered, not listened to, and then acting up may be the only way in which they can show they're not happy. Dating as a parent is tricky, I guess you may like to consider what the priority is, the children's wellbeing and relationship with their dad, or your desire to spend time with the person you are dating...

Fancysauce · 26/02/2023 20:32

This has no prospect of success. You've known this person literally a few weeks, and you already hate their young children. Move on.

Undermyumberellaellaella · 26/02/2023 20:32

whattodonext09 · 26/02/2023 20:26

Wow what a really judgemental group of 'ladies'

I take it that you are all perfect and have never done anything other than the best. I never realised there were so many ivory towers. It's rather lonely down here with the great unwashed and bad parents.

I wonder whether you all understand the power of your words. I assume you are just taking a break from saving the world, curing kids from cancer.

Or do you just like to try and gloat over those who you think you are better than. Just to make your sad life feel a little bit better than

Unfortunately no I'm not curing all the kids from cancer but I'm also not rushing a relationship and moaning about kids on the internet either.
Time to move on OP.

iamnottoofatiamjusttooshort · 26/02/2023 20:33

AllTheThingsIWantAreHere · 26/02/2023 20:16

You've done a good job of disguising everyone's sex. I can't tel if it's a single sex relationship or not and I can't tell if you are make or female.

I'm guessing male? 👀

I'm thinking 2 females ?

Doesn't make a difference really , if you don't like the kids it's not going to work

Haffiana · 26/02/2023 20:33

You are a bloke, aren't you?

Hopefully you will make the mistake of telling your 'partner' how her children should behave, and you will get right royally dumped.

Livelovebehappy · 26/02/2023 20:37

4 months is still just boyfriend/girlfriend territory at best. You don’t event know him properly, without trying to get to know his kids too. You’re still in the very early honeymoon stage and can’t possibly be sure that he’s right for you yet. If there’s something troubling you already, then it’s a sign to take a step back before you’re in too deep. His kids behaviour is probably due to upset happening in their lives with their parents’ breakup.

ittakes2 · 26/02/2023 20:37

I have twins who fight all the time when together. Personally I don't blame you for not wanting to be around fighting and I think you might need to end it. I don't think fighting between kids gets better but it could be just my twins who are 16 - in fact I think it gets much worse and I only expect them to be better as adults. I have tried everything - including parenting advice which was I keep them apart to stop the fighting and they need to fight to learn negotiation and resolution skills apparently - hasn't worked.

Livelovebehappy · 26/02/2023 20:38

SeulementUneFois · 26/02/2023 20:04

You are definitely not a bad person.
Prepare to be slaughtered on here, stepparents usually are no matter what they do.

You class OP as a step parent 4 months in?? Okay…….

MajorCarolDanvers · 26/02/2023 20:38

You are not a bad person but you need to end this relationship

Feefee00 · 26/02/2023 20:39

whattodonext09 · 26/02/2023 20:26

Wow what a really judgemental group of 'ladies'

I take it that you are all perfect and have never done anything other than the best. I never realised there were so many ivory towers. It's rather lonely down here with the great unwashed and bad parents.

I wonder whether you all understand the power of your words. I assume you are just taking a break from saving the world, curing kids from cancer.

Or do you just like to try and gloat over those who you think you are better than. Just to make your sad life feel a little bit better than

You are an adult who is choosing to prioritise your needs over the DC. It is selfish behaviour I don't need an ivory tower.

category12 · 26/02/2023 20:39

Haffiana · 26/02/2023 20:33

You are a bloke, aren't you?

Hopefully you will make the mistake of telling your 'partner' how her children should behave, and you will get right royally dumped.

We've been called scare quotes ladies, so I think that's a yes.

It's not about being in an ivory tower, OP, it's about someone coming on saying they don't like the children of the person they're romantically involved with. If you don't like them, you need to not be in their lives.

Justalittlebitduckling · 26/02/2023 20:39

It’s good to be honest with yourself. I agree with what others have said: end it. The kids will know you don’t like them and it will damage them. And you will be unhappy.

Pinkbonbon · 26/02/2023 20:40

Youre only 4 months in and you've already found out he can't dicipline his kids and lets them act out around people. Fuck that. You're newly dating, that's not signing up to be a step mum. And I certainly never would if my partner showed me from the off that his kids arent taught basic manners.

But at 4 months in thry should not be around you or your son I the first place. Let alone long enough to be driven demented by bad behaviour.

Coffeellama · 26/02/2023 20:40

You are not a bad person, but it’s time to let this relationship go as it’s obviously a none starter if you don’t like his kids. 4 months is not taking it slow in any way, shape or form. It’s very fast.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 26/02/2023 20:40

whattodonext09 · 26/02/2023 20:26

Wow what a really judgemental group of 'ladies'

I take it that you are all perfect and have never done anything other than the best. I never realised there were so many ivory towers. It's rather lonely down here with the great unwashed and bad parents.

I wonder whether you all understand the power of your words. I assume you are just taking a break from saving the world, curing kids from cancer.

Or do you just like to try and gloat over those who you think you are better than. Just to make your sad life feel a little bit better than

You asked and have been answered.

Nanny0gg · 26/02/2023 20:41

SeulementUneFois · 26/02/2023 20:04

You are definitely not a bad person.
Prepare to be slaughtered on here, stepparents usually are no matter what they do.

They've been together 4 months! He's a boyfriend not a partner and she isn't a stepparent!

Nanny0gg · 26/02/2023 20:41

whattodonext09 · 26/02/2023 20:03

I have been dating a new partner for the best part of 4 months. You've taken it slow and not introduced our kids until recently.

Without sounding cruel, I really do not like my partner's kids. They constantly fight, bicker, talk back and are downright rude to them. Everything is a battle, who is sitting where in the car, bed time, what they are eating for dinner, what they are wearing, what we are doing. More often than not one or both get into a state if they do not get their own way.

It sometimes feels like a negotiation rather than a parent takign the lead.

They are a great person, a great partner and make me really happy. We connect on so many levels, emotionally, in our career, life values and sexually.

But I can't stand the way the kids behave. They can't even sit at a dinner table without having to be babied.

I know as the kids get older things will get easier but at this moment in time I don't like them and I don't like being around them.

I am not saying that I am parent of the year or anything, and they do anamazing job. Event my son has mentioned of their kids are constantly arguing.

It is really putting me off wanting to be with them...

Does that make me a bad person

I don't know what to do...

4 months isn't slowly...

OctaviaOwl · 26/02/2023 20:42

Ah you're a man

And you already don't like your girlfriend's children

If she had anything about her, she would put them first and give you the boot.

Or vice versa. You should end the relationship with her because a woman's partner who doesn't like her kids is a recipe for disaster in the future

alwaysmovingforwards · 26/02/2023 20:43

4 months 😂

LolaSmiles · 26/02/2023 20:44

Aside from the obvious rushing to introduce each other's children to your latest boyfriend/girlfriend/date after a few weeks, you clearly dislike your new date's children enough to start a thread about them.

End the relationship and next time you think you fancy someone don't introduce them to your kids after a few weeks.

Nanny0gg · 26/02/2023 20:44

whattodonext09 · 26/02/2023 20:26

Wow what a really judgemental group of 'ladies'

I take it that you are all perfect and have never done anything other than the best. I never realised there were so many ivory towers. It's rather lonely down here with the great unwashed and bad parents.

I wonder whether you all understand the power of your words. I assume you are just taking a break from saving the world, curing kids from cancer.

Or do you just like to try and gloat over those who you think you are better than. Just to make your sad life feel a little bit better than

You asked.

You were answered.

And the 'victims' here are the children, not you. They need someone on their side as the adults in their lives don't appear to be

You can have a relationship without involving them

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 26/02/2023 20:46

Have you got kids op? They are peak annoying at 7 and 9. Maybe you’ve not got the patience for this relationship