BF not happy with 'sex work'

[Wineforever]

No judgement please, just advice. Basically finally told BF (we've been together 3 months nearly) how I make money. I went back to uni last year and to support myself Ive been selling worn items online, got 4 regular buyers now and its been a steady income with not much effort, which is ideal with studying, literally just wear the items for a day or two, dont even pay for postage as i include that in the total. Don't meet any of them, no camming, no naked photos or ever show my face, however he's not happy and is saying he'll support me while I'm studying, but I don't want him doing that, or having to ask him for money, especially so early into the relationship. I like being independent. And i feel like he's judging me, which doesn't feel great, especially since doing this work it's actually made me feel a lot more self confident (I'm at least a stone or two over weight) and now since our argument i just feel bad about myself again.

Its not that i dont get why he's annoyed, but studying is important for me and I'm earning money whilst not having to go out and work, and i dont want to be indebted to him, and feel generally like he's trying to tell me what to do, so really conflicted. He's mentioned moving in together and ive told him its too soon for that. I wish now I'd not said anything but thought it best to be honest. He's never asked before, just knew i was studying full time.

I know it’s not relevant but how much do you make?
if it makes you happy and you’re safe which sounds like you are just keeping doing it.

I don't think he has any right to be annoyed with you. His feelings about this are his to manage, you shouldn't feel any pressure to change. You've only been seeing him 3 months, you don't owe him anything.

Everyone is going to have a different opinion on this. Personally I think your boyfriend is being unreasonable and I would like to know where I could sell “worn items”, having just ended a relationship with a man with a hosiery fetish, I have 40 pairs of tights and stockings and not enough legs to wear them!

You do you. I don't think he has anything to complain or worry about, but maybe keep your eyes open for red flags as I'd be worried he may have some controlling tendencies that you should be open to seeing.

You don't owe him anything, not an explanation and not an income that's palatable to him. You've been honest with him, this is how you support your studies and have been doing so before he came on the scene.
I'd be very cautious of someone you've only known three months looking to move in with you and support you - there's an element of control in there that makes me uncomfortable and I love that you've said you value your independence, that's something you'd want to protect even if the relationship progresses.

When you say "worn items", what does that actually mean? Are we talking about skirts and shirts, or used undies?

To be honest, I wouldn't want my boyfriend (if I had one) selling used clothing on the internet for strangers to sniff at/wank over. It would put me right off. But I would just decide that this was not the person for me, and end the relationship.

From a female perspective I think I'd find it really strange if I was dating a man who did that. And this is coming from a place of fully respecting your right to do whatever you want to earn a living. I can just understand it might feel that you're selling a sexual service (even though it isn't!)

You're doing nothing illegal. How you earn your money is your business. End of. You aren't comprising yourself or personal data so I don't see the problem. Ppl will buy anything and youve found a market. I wouldn't even say that this is 'sex work. It's selling used clothing.

He may be worried, that you'll be asked to provide more than clothing possibly and be tempted by a bigger pay out.

It's far, far, far too soon for him to be supporting you or moving in together. If it goes tits up you'll be left in a worse position than you are now. It's worrying that he is even offering this so soon. Be independent and make sure you are able to stay that way.

Have you checked what you are entitled to claim via UC? And through student grants and loans? If not have a look, you may be surprised what's available to you.

Can I ask how old you both are? It does sound like he's being very gung-ho and immature. If there's a big age gap, I would be even more wary. It leaves you open to being controlled and financially abused. But, I may just be being an old cynic.

Is it just me who is following to see if op tells us where we too can sell our worn clothes.

Sharing is caring op...... please share

I’d be worried that after 3 months he’s willing to pay for you and talking about moving in together. Is his self esteem particularly low?

This ☝️ do please share 😅

Another person wanting to know how i get into this 🙄.

He has no right to be pissed off!

Maybe it's just me but I can kind of understand where he's coming from if it's worn underwear you're selling. Not that he has a right to tell you what you can and can't do but I can see why he's funny about it. I can't say I'd be impressed if my partner starting selling his used boxer shorts although maybe in time we'd both have a laugh over it.

If men are stupid enough to pay for used undies then crack on 😉
Up to you, not him.

Hahaha tell me too 🤣👍

Agree that three months is way to controlling for him to be trying to stop you doing what you do.

I do get his POV as I ended a relationship with a man for similar reasons.

He wasn’t doing anything physical with other women but I felt what he was doing to make money was inappropriate and gave me the ick.

The fact is is that you’ve only been together 3 months and it’s obvious the relationship doesn’t work.

It’s a massive red flag that he wants to move in and support you financially after a few weeks.

You both sound a bit immature and I’m assuming you’re both very young.
Throw this one back and find someone else.

Firstly him wanting to move in after just 12 weeks is a big red flag. Keep your independence and your own living space.

Next, selling used items is not sex work. If he used that term then kick him to the kirb. He will, probably, start to control you.

Keep studying, keep living your life they way that suits you.

He doesn't have any right to stop you, especially since you've been doing it and supporting yourself since before you even met him. You don't owe him an explainiaion and certainly not an apology.
I personally find it brilliant that you've found a way to make money out of men stupid enough to buy these items. And agree with pp that its not really sex work since there is no contact with the recipients.
He should be celebrating your entrepreneurial spirit, it allows you to support yourself without actually working. He needs to back off.

I wouldn’t like to date someone who did this.

You don’t need rescuing or saving. You’re independent and not harming yourself or anyone else. Stay that way and be cautious of anyone who judges you for being this way.

Like on eBay or something?

Plenty on ebay

Following too. Where do you sell? How much for?

Him wanting to support you and move in after not even being together for three months is a massive, massive red flag and you should be running for the hills.

Everything else you wrote about should be irrelevant.