Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

BF not happy with 'sex work'

178 replies

Wineforever · 24/02/2023 20:04

No judgement please, just advice. Basically finally told BF (we've been together 3 months nearly) how I make money. I went back to uni last year and to support myself Ive been selling worn items online, got 4 regular buyers now and its been a steady income with not much effort, which is ideal with studying, literally just wear the items for a day or two, dont even pay for postage as i include that in the total. Don't meet any of them, no camming, no naked photos or ever show my face, however he's not happy and is saying he'll support me while I'm studying, but I don't want him doing that, or having to ask him for money, especially so early into the relationship. I like being independent. And i feel like he's judging me, which doesn't feel great, especially since doing this work it's actually made me feel a lot more self confident (I'm at least a stone or two over weight) and now since our argument i just feel bad about myself again.

Its not that i dont get why he's annoyed, but studying is important for me and I'm earning money whilst not having to go out and work, and i dont want to be indebted to him, and feel generally like he's trying to tell me what to do, so really conflicted. He's mentioned moving in together and ive told him its too soon for that. I wish now I'd not said anything but thought it best to be honest. He's never asked before, just knew i was studying full time.

OP posts:
Blanca87 · 25/02/2023 07:19

He also sounds controlling, don’t let him move in with you either.

Crimsonripple · 25/02/2023 07:43

I sold loads of old bras on eBay. I noticed soon the same person was purchasing them. Overall I made about £200 - what else was I going to do with them and quite frankly they were welcome to do what they wanted with them!

AIBUNo · 25/02/2023 07:43

I must have led a sheltered life (even at 50) as I didn't know this was a thing men did.

It's bonkers IMO.

What do they DO with the soiled underwear?

Wash it, eventually?
Throw it away?
Have it ponging in the corner of their bedrooms?

Do you have to model the garments?
Do you have to ensure they are especially 'smelly' to send them out?

I guess it's harmless, but it is really another way of prostituting yourself.

I'm torn between 'more fool them and good on you to make some dosh' but on the other hand it's just a bit unsavoury.

AIBUNo · 25/02/2023 07:46

Being serious about your boyfriend. You say he's 10 years older than you (no idea how old you are, as you said you have 'gone back to uni' - but no, it's not a 'thing' that a man his age (assuming he's under 70) would want to 'support' a woman.

I'd run a mile from anyone who suggested living together after 12 weeks.

Far too soon and far too controlling considering he wants to 'pay for you'.

ReneBumsWombats · 25/02/2023 07:47

I guess it's harmless, but it is really another way of prostituting yourself... it's just a bit unsavoury

When humans are, one way or another, the commodity, then the fault is always with the buyers.

If there is anything wrong with this, blame the customers.

AIBUNo · 25/02/2023 07:53

ReneBumsWombats · 25/02/2023 07:47

I guess it's harmless, but it is really another way of prostituting yourself... it's just a bit unsavoury

When humans are, one way or another, the commodity, then the fault is always with the buyers.

If there is anything wrong with this, blame the customers.

It's supply and demand.

Which comes first?

ReneBumsWombats · 25/02/2023 07:59

AIBUNo · 25/02/2023 07:53

It's supply and demand.

Which comes first?

Show quote history

Demand. It creates the incentive for supply. Who creates a product they don't think anyone will want? Even on this thread, everyone asking how they can get into this too was incentivised by the discovery of the demand.

Naunet · 25/02/2023 10:05

He’s trying to control you and trap you. I bet he thinks it’s fine to wank over porn, but not ok for you to put some pants or whatever in the post? He can fuck off. Don’t let him trap you.

Monoplane · 25/02/2023 11:36

He doesn't sound like a keeper.

Definitely don't move in with someone who is pressuring you to do so when you're clearly uncomfortable.

Saying you're uncomfortable should be the end of it, not a jumping off point to start aggressively negotiating with you.

Sandra1984 · 25/02/2023 12:54

OP you sound very naive so I'm guessing you're quite young. Basically you're moving in with this stranger because he's going to pay your bills, which means: getting a sugar daddy. Right now your dangling in pseudo-sex work and by getting yourself a sugar daddy you'll be upgrading to full blown sex work. If your totally comfortable with that then it's all good, but don't be naive and keep in mind that you don't know this man from Adam and things can easily go sour (as many relationships do) so you'll be stuck with a man because he has total financial control of you. What's your "plan B" when that happens? Do you have a money nest to get out if things go sour?

KettrickenSmiled · 25/02/2023 13:03

Sandra1984 · 25/02/2023 12:54

OP you sound very naive so I'm guessing you're quite young. Basically you're moving in with this stranger because he's going to pay your bills, which means: getting a sugar daddy. Right now your dangling in pseudo-sex work and by getting yourself a sugar daddy you'll be upgrading to full blown sex work. If your totally comfortable with that then it's all good, but don't be naive and keep in mind that you don't know this man from Adam and things can easily go sour (as many relationships do) so you'll be stuck with a man because he has total financial control of you. What's your "plan B" when that happens? Do you have a money nest to get out if things go sour?

😂

Try reading OP's posts. She's got no intention of giving up her independence.
What's with the nasty accusations?

YouWithoutEnd · 25/02/2023 14:08

Wineforever · 25/02/2023 03:57

To be honest he didn't seem repulsed, more just oh well you won't have to do THAT anymore and how it makes sense to move in because the rents are so steep here (which they admittedly are) but just this assumption that i had no say in any of it. When i said im happy doing it and wasn't sure about living together so early on, thats when it got a bit heated.

Sorry a lot of questions, ok, there are guys who sell on their but its clearly to other guys (I think), 90 per cent women sellers. Pants wise ive found thongs are more popular with buyers, sell a fair few socks too, tights. Shoes or slippers ive sold a few. I dont tend to list bras as they're a pain to replace (i struggle to find one that fit as I'm quite big) so only if they're knackered do i get rid of them. Ive sold a few sports bras though, gym wear seems to be popular.

Anyway, I've got another two and a bit years, then hopefully a masters, so its been a godsend to me. Just had a wobble yesterday after row with bf, and just needed to vent a bit. Just second guessing myself, which he's good at making me do!

OP, yer man’s a walking red flag. Get rid and keep doing you.

You still haven’t told us where you sell? 😉

Thisisworsethananticpated · 25/02/2023 15:42

Id keep the sex work and ditch him
as the sec work is making you happier than he is

It’s worth thinking abiut how you could meet someone who would be ok with this and not judge

or staying single ? And exploring what you want and other ways to improve income medium term

Thisisworsethananticpated · 25/02/2023 15:45

AIBUNo

you clearly have led a sheltered life
im around your age and know of this

many aspects of sex could be seen as grim

and unless I’m mistaken OP didn’t ask for your opinion

so why give it ?

excelledyourself · 25/02/2023 15:50

Sandra1984 · 25/02/2023 12:54

OP you sound very naive so I'm guessing you're quite young. Basically you're moving in with this stranger because he's going to pay your bills, which means: getting a sugar daddy. Right now your dangling in pseudo-sex work and by getting yourself a sugar daddy you'll be upgrading to full blown sex work. If your totally comfortable with that then it's all good, but don't be naive and keep in mind that you don't know this man from Adam and things can easily go sour (as many relationships do) so you'll be stuck with a man because he has total financial control of you. What's your "plan B" when that happens? Do you have a money nest to get out if things go sour?

He's mentioned moving in together and ive told him its too soon for that.

Since you missed it the first time @Sandra1984

Original poster
Wineforever · 25/02/2023 16:50

Thanks for the replies! No I've no intention of moving in with him, its far too soon after 3 months, like others have said you don't really know a person that well to then live together, I've made that mistake before and gave up a council property and got trapped in a 2 year nightmare! Hence why i value my independence!

He's being very pushy which is a major turn off for me. I've got a few thousand saved up, solely from the selling, obviously the rest has gone on bills etc.

Personally i don't see it as prostituting, more just a way of making some easy money, and I enjoy it (sorry) but have no intention of moving in or getting a sugar daddy, I enjoy making my own money whilst still being able to study.
I think at least we're in an age of dont kink shame, i dont think what i do is particularly shocking. I have a friend who over-shares shall we say and what her and her dp get up to makes me feel very sheltered.. domination play, sex parties. What i do is pretty darn mild (imo anyway)

OP posts:
America12 · 25/02/2023 16:54

AIBUNo · 25/02/2023 07:43

I must have led a sheltered life (even at 50) as I didn't know this was a thing men did.

It's bonkers IMO.

What do they DO with the soiled underwear?

Wash it, eventually?
Throw it away?
Have it ponging in the corner of their bedrooms?

Do you have to model the garments?
Do you have to ensure they are especially 'smelly' to send them out?

I guess it's harmless, but it is really another way of prostituting yourself.

I'm torn between 'more fool them and good on you to make some dosh' but on the other hand it's just a bit unsavoury.

It's a well known thing. They want over them.

OneMoreCookieMonster · 25/02/2023 18:25

@Wineforever the other pps are right though. This guy is a walking red flag. And seems to have a bit of extra creep thrown into the mix.

Stick to your guns on this one. I would put cold hard cash down that he probably has already started with the lovebombing, especially if as you say he likes to flash the cash. I'm guessing, he's not that attractive, has low self esteem and is either approaching 40 or early 40s. He probably also doesn't have kids yet. The type to have always been unkucky in love, the guy who gets cheated on, pity me - I want to give soooo much etc. He's trying to sell you a lifestyle from the sounds of it. Money, support and financial assistance. AkA you can have it all if you have me. Massive cringe, I would chuck this one back.

Of course, I'm just assuming all of this and could be totally wrong. Before anyone jumps down my throat.

Hawkins003 · 25/02/2023 19:08

Wineforever · 25/02/2023 16:50

Thanks for the replies! No I've no intention of moving in with him, its far too soon after 3 months, like others have said you don't really know a person that well to then live together, I've made that mistake before and gave up a council property and got trapped in a 2 year nightmare! Hence why i value my independence!

He's being very pushy which is a major turn off for me. I've got a few thousand saved up, solely from the selling, obviously the rest has gone on bills etc.

Personally i don't see it as prostituting, more just a way of making some easy money, and I enjoy it (sorry) but have no intention of moving in or getting a sugar daddy, I enjoy making my own money whilst still being able to study.
I think at least we're in an age of dont kink shame, i dont think what i do is particularly shocking. I have a friend who over-shares shall we say and what her and her dp get up to makes me feel very sheltered.. domination play, sex parties. What i do is pretty darn mild (imo anyway)

These parties how saucy are they and are they eg costumes like the Venice type masks etc

AIBUNo · 25/02/2023 19:17

They want over them.

It may be well known to some, but not me and plenty of others here!

Is that a typo in your post @America12

America12 · 25/02/2023 19:43

AIBUNo · 25/02/2023 19:17

They want over them.

It may be well known to some, but not me and plenty of others here!

Is that a typo in your post @America12

Yes 😂

Original poster
Wineforever · 25/02/2023 23:55

@Hawkins003 they don't put on costumes although some wear fetish get up, but having sex in front of other people etc.. so yeah popping a pair of worn tights in a parcel for someone I'm not going to ever meet seems mild in comparison!

@OneMoreCookieMonster that's quite accurate actually! I get the feeling he wants to take over and own me, there's this whole im going to sweep you off your feet and save you type thing with him, however I don't need saving!

OP posts:
Hawkins003 · 25/02/2023 23:58

Wineforever · 25/02/2023 23:55

@Hawkins003 they don't put on costumes although some wear fetish get up, but having sex in front of other people etc.. so yeah popping a pair of worn tights in a parcel for someone I'm not going to ever meet seems mild in comparison!

@OneMoreCookieMonster that's quite accurate actually! I get the feeling he wants to take over and own me, there's this whole im going to sweep you off your feet and save you type thing with him, however I don't need saving!

I can understand your perspectives, I like the idea of the parties, but yes discrete panties or stockings by air mail is very minimal excitement

Original poster
Wineforever · 26/02/2023 03:17

@Hawkins003 I think she shares this sort of thing with me as she assumes (because of the online stuff) that I'm a lot more adventurous than I am 😆
She's a lot braver than me!

OP posts:
emptythelitterbox · 26/02/2023 06:05

From reading all your replies, this guy clearly isn't for you.

There are some men out there who enjoy controlling and ruining women's lives.
they screw up their education
screw up jobs and future job prospects
screw up your self esteem

This guy seems to be all about himself and what he wants. If you moved in, he'd expect you to be his skivvy. He'd wait until you no longer had your clients and stop the money, he'd be argumentative and troublesome interfering with your schoolwork in an attempt to get you to quit.