Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

BF not happy with 'sex work'

178 replies

Wineforever · 24/02/2023 20:04

No judgement please, just advice. Basically finally told BF (we've been together 3 months nearly) how I make money. I went back to uni last year and to support myself Ive been selling worn items online, got 4 regular buyers now and its been a steady income with not much effort, which is ideal with studying, literally just wear the items for a day or two, dont even pay for postage as i include that in the total. Don't meet any of them, no camming, no naked photos or ever show my face, however he's not happy and is saying he'll support me while I'm studying, but I don't want him doing that, or having to ask him for money, especially so early into the relationship. I like being independent. And i feel like he's judging me, which doesn't feel great, especially since doing this work it's actually made me feel a lot more self confident (I'm at least a stone or two over weight) and now since our argument i just feel bad about myself again.

Its not that i dont get why he's annoyed, but studying is important for me and I'm earning money whilst not having to go out and work, and i dont want to be indebted to him, and feel generally like he's trying to tell me what to do, so really conflicted. He's mentioned moving in together and ive told him its too soon for that. I wish now I'd not said anything but thought it best to be honest. He's never asked before, just knew i was studying full time.

OP posts:
OneMoreCookieMonster · 01/03/2023 02:01

Wineforever · 28/02/2023 13:47

@OneMoreCookieMonster @Thisisworsethananticpated thank you both! I feel like I've finally got to a place where I'm happy and focused, and independent, and i don't want to give that up. Looking back he was definitely a love-bomber.. all about big gestures!

Will you stay with him and see what happens or are you ready to move on?

I've always found grand gestures such a huge turn off. They never come across as genuine. The last time I was with someone who performed those, I would turn them down and get accused of not letting him be a man and take the lead...huge yawn ! He was like this guy you're with now. Would flash the cash but strangely would accept it with every performance in the book when I offered to pay my share. No genuine, it's on me or silently and unexpectedly taken care of the bill. If he did pay, he made double sure I recognised it. He also offered me the world and wanted to take care of me. Offer me a lifestyle, only he could give. He fucked me up over time. Hence, my warnings.

Wineforever · 01/03/2023 04:08

@OneMoreCookieMonster I'm sorry to hear that! Mine is the same, believes certain things are a 'mans role' to take care and spoil and these notions of what s woman wants or expects and then acts all shocked when I tell him to actually listen and not just assume he knows whats best for me and what I want. Its so draining at times! I dont know, i dont see the relationship working, what he imagines I am vs what I want are completely different things!

OP posts:
KettrickenSmiled · 01/03/2023 09:48

i dont see the relationship working, what he imagines I am vs what I want are completely different things!

I may have referenced this upthread OP - it's because he sees you as a girlfriend-shaped object, not a fully functional human. Hence his asinine "women are supposed to enjoy spontaneity".

Wonder what he's say if you thought of something he thoroughly disliked, eg motor sport, bought him a ticket to a grand prix, & informed him that he's supposed to like it?
Would he feel insulted, unheard, 'un-personed'?

www.amazon.co.uk/Are-Women-Human-International-Dialogues/dp/0674025555

New posts on this thread. Refresh page