Anyone had a bad experience in family court?

[IRememberMitmoo]

Name changed but long term poster.

I'm just wondering if I'm the only one who has had a horrendous experience in family court?

I'm really struggling at the moment trying to piece together what happened. The court case went completely out of control and I felt like not a single thing I said was being seriously considered while everything he said was given so much credence. He had absolutely no evidence to support anything he said and it was just believed and if I said something, I was treated like a lying criminal.

The judge raised his voice to me and spoke to me like I was a piece of shit on his shoe. It honestly felt like I was in some horrendous old boys club.

My solicitor was upset herself and she was even crying a little when we were in the car park outside. I was too shocked to cry in court or outside, but I've been in tears and having nightmares and panic attacks ever since.

It's on my mind night and day. If it hadn't been for my solicitor being there, I might have ended up convinced myself that I'd been doing these things.

Is it just me that this has happened to? I feel so alone in this. Did you ever manage to get over it? Any tips for how I can move on? I really don't get on with counselling.

I don't know if I mentioned it already because I can't bear to read any of my previous posts and I struggle to read updates on this thread, but my Mackenzie Friend ended up traumatised as well. She was a lawyer too - although of a different type.

I'm sorry, I'm not much support to anyone.

Actually. It does help. Thank you and my heart goes out to everyone destroyed by these secret courts.

It really is awful. I'm still getting vivid flashbacks now. I don't think they'll ever stop.

I went through it and a family member (male) did too, from the perspective of the NRP. I think we've both got complex PTSD. Terrible traumatic experience.

Im having a horrendous time again right now. 5 years ive had of this and its all starting up again

Hope it went well x

Ho did it go?

In 2025 the justice system is beyond awful towards women and children who are victims of domestic abuse. This cannot go on 😔.

I can 💯 confirm this is the case

I have had a horribly traumatic day today and still more ahead. I feel bullied and I'm still quaking and unable to sleep. The system is inappropriate where there's been abuse and is anti safeguarding children. I have to hope against hope that the resolution will be OK despite everything but I don't have much confidence.

Oh god, I'm so sorry. I can imagine how stressful it's been. Please remember that you can only do your best - it's not your fault if the system is a mess.

Sending you the biggest hugs xx

@IRememberMitmoo

Thank you so much. That means a lot x

I'm a bit shocked thst the solicitor was crying, but if that is fhe case, surely she could take this further her end?

These cases are horrific. I am a lawyer but cannot say too much as it will be outing.

OP I can see absolutely no reason why an earlier termination would be considered relevant to your now parenting. I seriously hope this was shut down by the judge.

There are a few things I would recommend.

1. Complain about the judge to the judicial conduct investigations office. It is limited in what it can investigate - see here: https://www.complaints.judicialconduct.gov.uk/what_can_i_complaint_about/. But, it can and does* investigate complaints regarding bullying of litigants, use of inappropriate language and loss of temper, rudeness or aggression. You'll see their website expressly references shouting. A judge should never* shout at you. They might raise their voice if they absolutely need to in order to be heard (because you are shouting for example). But that is not what is happening in these cases. No judge or officer of the court (and that includes lawyers and Cafcass social workers) should laugh at a litigant either. That is a form of bullying and aggression and the judge should address it if it happens. When investigating complaints the JCIO look at transcripts and recordings of hearings where made. Your own solicitor is also a credible witness and can provide a statement. A lot of lawyers don't complain about judges as their Chambers or firms don't want them to and understandably, litigants are frightened to or so exhausted/traumatised they don't want any further engagement with the courts. But if people start making official complaints the data will be there. Judges are not immune when complaints start coming in and after being on the end of an official complaint many do thing twice about their behaviour going forward. The JCIO asks for complaints to be made within 3 months of the conduction complained of but will extend the time limit where appropriate and I think post hearing stress is a valid reason as is the seriousness and effect of the conduct. If you are not happy with the way the JCIO investigates your complaint you can raise that with the Judicial Appointments and Conduct Ombudsman.
2. Complain to Cafcass if their social worker has overlooked or ignored safeguarding or safety issues or has behaved in an unprofessional way (and laughing at you in court or not listening to you is unprofessional). In this you should ask them to consider the social worker's fitness to practice. Cafcass prefer complaints to be raised at the time but the power imbalance and fear of retribution is well known as a complaint deterrent and they will look post case closure. Again, this critical because they must look thoroughly into official complaints and keep data on them. The ineptness of Cafcass is a known issue and it has to report on the number of complaints and their nature. If a social worker faces an investigation into their conduct that might have an impact.
3. Write to your MP and ask them to write on your behalf to the Secretary of State for Justice to set out what happened in your case (of course the actual case details cannot be included) and ask what is being done about the broken system.
4. It is also possible to raise a concern about the conduct of a practising barrister (to the Bar Standards Board), solicitor (to the Solicitors Regulation Authority) or to their respective Chambers/firms. There is of course a need to accept that in acting for the other side they will try to discredit your story. But they are ultimately officers of the court and cannot assert anything they know to be untrue nor mislead the court. It might be that they believe their client's story of course. But either way it is never acceptable to ridicule you or laugh at you in court. I would certainly raise that with the Chambers or firms directly as that is not something they could ever accept as appropriate.

I totally understand that raising complaints is further triggering and might add to the trauma so do of course ignore these suggestions if you need to.

Big hugs to everyone.

Sonia Sodha and Louise Tickle are two journalists who have covered Family Court.

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. I'd forgotten some of what I'd written above until just now, including the bit where XH brought up the termination - due to the trauma I've experienced I can't go back and read it myself and I try and block out as much as possible from my memory. That really was outrageous now that I remember it again.

As you can imagine, not being able to confront the facts does make it very difficult to advocate for myself in any way. But I do really appreciate you confirming that it was inappropriate. Obviously you know at the time that it's a horrible experience to be shouted at and spoken down to, but you don't know at the time that you have any right not to be spoken to like that. There's such a huge power imbalance between you and the professionals that you end up accepting treatment that you wouldn't dream of anywhere else.

I did complain to CAFCASS a while after the event, because I thought their investigation was very poor. I can't remember exactly what they said, but it was very dismissive.

It's an idea to write to my MP though. It fills me with horror that this is happening to women and children day after day, with no safety net. I was just reading about the Sara Sharif case today - apparently they're going to name the family court judges involved in her family court cases. I'm glad there will be some accountability for those judges. Obviously I don't know the details, but it's clear that mistakes were made and those judges thought that they could make those mistakes with impunity. Of course I understand the requirement for secrecy, but not when it means we have courts that can trample over children's lives without scrutiny.

I don't know if anyone can relate to this, but because I've just been reminded of all this, I immediately start ranting to myself in my head. It's a kind of esprit de l'escalier thing where I start thinking of everything on earth I should have said and I should have done.

When it's really bad, I struggle to concentrate on driving because I'm doing it. And I absolutely can't sleep for it - even with the TV on, I'm still going over and over the events.

I know it's trauma. I am better these days, but I still slip into doing this from time to time.

If anyone did find that relatable, please have a huge internet hug from me. I can't take anything away, but I hope it helps to know you're not the only one this has happened to.

Sorry I haven't read the full thread so apologies if this has been posted already but apart from appealing an unsatisfactory outcome (which is about the legal merits of a case), you can also complain about the conduct/behaviour of a judge here:

https://www.complaints.judicialconduct.gov.uk/makeacomplaint/

Complaints must be made within three months of the matter complained about.

Oh I wish I had know this!

My ex husband withheld our child, more than once, after contact which forced me to apply for an order reach time. I was told by a female judge that what I was doing to my child with all these court cases was verging on abuse and suggested she might consider making an Article 179 (14) Order against me, meaning I would have to apply for permission to make any further applications.

Sorry, just realised how old this is, mistakenly thought I was looking at trending. ☹️

Don't worry - it's ok to join in still. What a horrible experience for you :(

@IRememberMitmoo

I'm so sorry you are still dealing with the fallout from this. I'm especially sorry if my post has reawakened things for you. I send you big hugs back and I just want to say again how much I appreciated your response and this thread. I hope knowing that sharing your feelings and experiences has helped someone is also helpful to you.

@MyNamesGaryAndImAddictedToChips
I wonder if it was the same judge. Something along these lines happened. It's insane how differently they operate and that it's down to luck who you get