Anyone had a bad experience in family court?

[IRememberMitmoo]

Name changed but long term poster.

I'm just wondering if I'm the only one who has had a horrendous experience in family court?

I'm really struggling at the moment trying to piece together what happened. The court case went completely out of control and I felt like not a single thing I said was being seriously considered while everything he said was given so much credence. He had absolutely no evidence to support anything he said and it was just believed and if I said something, I was treated like a lying criminal.

The judge raised his voice to me and spoke to me like I was a piece of shit on his shoe. It honestly felt like I was in some horrendous old boys club.

My solicitor was upset herself and she was even crying a little when we were in the car park outside. I was too shocked to cry in court or outside, but I've been in tears and having nightmares and panic attacks ever since.

It's on my mind night and day. If it hadn't been for my solicitor being there, I might have ended up convinced myself that I'd been doing these things.

Is it just me that this has happened to? I feel so alone in this. Did you ever manage to get over it? Any tips for how I can move on? I really don't get on with counselling.

This is absolutely horrifying. You must be in terrible pain.

@PercyPigfangirl of course

Oh and crying in court doesn't help you. My misogenist judge made me explain my distress to the court, while exh's barrister literally laughed at me ( I could not afford a barrister).

I am shocked. I don't know why I am shocked about it being a boys club but I really am.

Yes, I was horrified at the misogyny and the utter contempt for child safeguarding. It's a kangeroo court run by men who believe men should access to children, no matter what. If it were a building, it should be destroyed.

Family court was the most misogynistic environment I have ever experienced in my life. I feel traumatised by the experience and that my abuser has been allowed to continue his abuse through the system.

Ex outright lied to the court, including on his statement. Everything was ignored despite the CAFCASS s7 report outlining that he was manipulative and emotionally abusive towards the children, and had assaulted me multiple times in front of them.

Male judge told me that if I didn't agree to what ex wanted that he would give ex full-custody and I would have visitation. So a man threatening to take my children off me because I didn't agree with another man. You couldn't make it up.

It frustrates me that the DV charities aren't campaigning more about this. We escape, only to find we can't keep our children safe.

It frustrates me that the DV charities aren't campaigning more about this. We escape, only to find we can't keep our children safe.

I had a terrible experience. Lying Cafcass officers. Judges who couldn't give a rat's arse if your ex is abusive in any way whatsoever. Family court judges who have no idea about bloody risk assessments and proper safeguarding considerations. Constant lies by my ex trying to paint me in whatever back light he could. Lucky my occupation meant I could prepare my own statements and had extensive knowledge of Cafcass issues (many of them are social workers who can't cut the mustard in the real world so hide in Cafcass land for an easy life) and that's a well known fact on safeguarding circles.

I represented myself but had a barrister once. To be honest I'd have done a better job myself and saved myself a lot of money. Family court is not fit for purpose by any stretch of the imagination.

My best advice - try to expend as little energy on it as possible or it will traumatise you

Cafcass officers are NOT your friend

Record all contact with Cafcass! You can do this under there own transparency project as long as you give them notice first and store your recording securely!this way you can cross reference what's written in their report- keep your answers to Cafcass minimal

Judges couldn't give a rat's arse if you are at risk. Get a letter from the price or social services if this is an issue. Give it to the judge if you are a DV victim.

Always get a McKenzie friend if you can. They can keep notes and give some good advice

Keep your answers to a judge brief.

Remember you are entering a system that is not fit for purpose. Keep your expectations low. Expend the least amount of energy on it or it will swallow you whole. Fairness and truth doesn't rely apply in family court.

Dont get angry- keep counting to 10 time and time over. Anger won't get you anywhere. That's what the other party will probably want to see.

By doing these things I managed to keep my sanity and come out the other side. It was a terrible experience. Thank god my experience and skills got me through a traumatic experience.

I ready wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. The sad truth is that there are many people who get dragged through family court with no support or skills to prepare them. I wish I could help every one of them.

A good friend of mine lost his children through the family courts. Worked against him, despite being a man. Ex wife lied through her teeth and the children were made to go and live with her. My friend had had to persuade the children just to visit, they were so frightened of her. Now they’re living with her and attending different schools, despite the courts apparently ordering them to stay where they were. The eldest is friends with my DC. They say they want to be a family lawyer when they grow up so that they can give a voice to the children who are ignored. 😢

I’m really pleased the reality of Family court is coming to light but sad others are having such awful experience. I’ve also been let down by social services and Cafcass they seem very reluctant to take abuse seriously and are very dismissive. My experience in the court has been somewhat different I’ve been going through it for around 2 years and every hearing has gone in my favour so far. I’m a person of faith and so I thank God ultimately. I’ve also had good legal representation (through legal aid) whilst my ex has been self represented. He is very obnoxious and so automatically is not viewed in a good light which helps the cause! But it’s the most anxious and mentally draining experience I’ve ever been through and the reality is the ‘needs’ of the parent trump what’s actually best for the children. I’ve not given up though and currently in the process of gathering as much evidence as possible for our final hearing. I really hope that the family court system gets exposed for what it really is and that they will stop failing mothers and their children

the reality is the ‘needs’ of the parent trump what’s actually best for the children

This is what I witnessed too

Oh god, I am so sorry for everyone who has been through this. It's genuine torture.

I wasn't expecting this many people to say they had had similar experiences. It's absolutely disgusting that this is happening to other people. It makes my blood boil. I'm in tears that others are also going through this

My XH must have been delighted with what happened. He's managed to get two judges in separate hearings both to shout at me. I'm not normally the type to be phased by shouting because of the type of work I've done in my life, but I'd actually rather be beaten up than be spoken to like that again. It still makes me physically cringe now to remember it. My deepest sympathies to those who have experienced that kind of contempt in court.

The CAFCASS officer was incredibly rude to me too despite me telling him from the off that I was a victim of abuse. He spoke to me like a piece of dirt in court too. And I saw him laughing and joking with XH.

A few times I have actually wished that I was an alcoholic or something so that there was something I had done and I could fix it. How messed up do things have to be that you start wishing things like that? But I haven't done anything. Even the few things that were factual are all things that I couldn't prevent. My car broke down and I was held responsible for that, like anyone on earth ever knows when they're going to have a sudden mechanical failure. I have decent breakdown cover. What more could I possibly do? I also had a termination in my teens, which XH knew had devastated me because I would have kept the baby if it weren't for being so young and without enough resources to care for one at the time. He'd seen me crying over that so many times during our marriage. So of course he knew how much it would hurt me to even have it mentioned, so he bought that up as evidence of me being a shit mother.

It's those kind of things that keep me awake at night having panic attacks. I've experienced some traumatic things in my life - really horrible things too, but they were like a cold drink of water on a hot day in comparison.

Unbelievable but true. Its unbearable

Who are the journalists?

And if it hadn't happened to me I am not sure I would have believed it.
Upstanding, honest, articulate, professional, always put my children first, had ample evidence. It's unbelievable.

4 years of family court. Final hearing Senior Cafcass officer (also dc's court appointed guardian) admitted on the stand he had based his entire report on 'facts' he got from my exh.
My Dr acknowledged my ptsd symptoms but didn't want to put me through an official diagnosis.

Mine changed their surnames at 18 by deed poll.

That feeling of a horrendous boys club rings so true.
Yes

Of course abusers are going to abuse you in court. They've just got a bunch of new recruits to abuse you for them. And the more mud they sling, the more they're rewarded.

So true. The needs of men seem to come above those of kids. Sorry you went through this OP. Get all the support you possibly can and good luck to you.

I still don't quite believe it. It's really hard not to blame myself when that many people have gaslit me.

As I said in my original post, if I hadn't had my solicitor with me and seen her afterwards trying to hold back tears and telling me how unfair it had been, I really think I'd be convinced I'd somehow abused my children instead of him.

It's completely ruined motherhood for me, in every single aspect possible. Even the good memories are tainted now.

I could genuinely vomit thinking of what the children have been through and how this has destroyed their childhood.

Everything I was told about our divorce being irrelevant in dc arrangements was rubbish. As I had been unfaithful I was told my word was worthless and I had to prove everything I said regarding the dc..
I was treated terribly.

I’ve had good and truly awful experiences. As many other people have said it’s not fit for purpose. I kept getting dragged back to court by my ex and it included him threatening me actually in the court room. He got up and approached me whilst shouting and threatening me (I always had protective measures in place so a screen stopping me from having to see him). Fucking awful, but police did fuck all. There was another time in court where he threatened me, Court staff did nothing, just an awful experience and I definitely have PTSD from all the vile abuse he put me through. But, my last experience I got a cafcas officer who actually saw him for what he was. She insisted on a section 91(14) being implemented to stop him from continuously bringing me back to court. I was lucky the judge that hearing was decent and approved it. I’ve still got a restraining order in place 7 years since I’ve been free of him.
mots absolutely true what someone said about DV charities supporting you to leave but then you go through this shit show of a system.

This has brought back memories for me, not of my experiences but of my mother's when my dad took her to court.

We saw my dad every other weekend and some of the school holidays; he was violent and emotionally abusive towards us. He wanted more control over our education, more custody, I don't know exactly.

She couldn't afford representation, so tried to represent herself (back in the 90s). She's only told me bits of it, but she similarly wasn't listened to when she described the abuse; she was crying so much at one point she ran out crying, only to be told by the judge she was in contempt of court.

My dad won the case with his lies.

I'm so sorry to hear what's happened to you and other posters here. I really hoped things had changed for the better since my childhood.

I am so sorry you went through that @Ceilingplaits

Oh, that is so upsetting to hear. I wish I could go back and give your mum a big hug.

I'm so glad that you still have a good relationship with her. She must be so relieved that you weren't turned against her.

Unfortunately yes, it is still going on. But your post has given me hope that things may be better in the future when DC are older, so thank you so much for taking the time to write it.