Help. EA DP wants more than fair share of house after split

[CoalShed]

DP and I have been together for 10 years with 2 DC. I also have DC from previous marriage who live with us.

He lived with us in my previous house and did quite a bit of work on it, he asked for a specific price for the work which I paid (10k). I made a profit when the house was sold.

I then used my equity to buy another house, also got a mortgage. I paid all the costs for tradesmen and materials and he also did a lot of the work (he’s skilled). The deal was that he would get 30% of the profit and me 70% if and when the house was sold. He pays a set amount every month to cover bills etc.

Fast forward and I cannot bear to be with him any longer, long story, he’s EA, angry and I have terrible anxiety when around him, he scares me.

I am selling the house and he is now asking for more money from this house (50/50) and more form the original house despite what we’d already agreed. he’s been telling lies about me to anyone who’ll listen, about how I’ve ripped him off, how I’m controlling (it’s the other way round) and how I’ve ruined his life.

I just feel scared, stressed and broken. I want him out but he says he had nowhere to go and no money without the sale of the house. I can hear him shouting on the phone about me downstairs to his sister as I type this.

He actually knows he's not entitled to anything that's why he kicking off and trying to scare you. He's a monster!

Get him out of the house - today!

You don't have to live like this!

He's just trying to bully and scare you.
He doesn't know what the laws are.
Abusive men always think they know thw law and it's on their side.

Tell him to get out and change the locks. Call the police if you need to.
If he threatens or scares you call the police.

Please call the police he has no legal right to be there, you are frightened, the police can and will remove him.

It's YOUR house ffs. Why are you thinking of leaving??? Tell him to gtf out. If he's carried out some work for you then the right thing would be to give him the money for that but nothing more and nothing less. Put on your big girl pants and get the fucker to leave.

Why would you agree to give someone 30% of your house sale! He has no entitlement to this! If wanted to, he could have bought himself a property and rented it out.

He thinks you should rent and he won't move out? Bloody cheek! It's not his house!

Then he has zero rights and you don't have to give him anything legally.

Why are you calling a refuge?
It is your home.
He has no rights
He is abusive and you need to get him out.
Change the locks when he goes out.
Install a ring four bell and as much security as you can.

Op, you don't leave your own house. Don't be daft.

The national centre for domestic violence should be able to give you advice on if you are eligible for a occupation order. Might be worth giving 101 a call to log that he is refusing to leave the house and you are afraid of him.
Good luck x

Why are you moving out? It’s your house.

Thanks, I wasn’t calling them as I wanted to go to a refuge, it’s just who women’s aid recommended to call on their website. You can’t seem to call women’s aid directly.

The woman I spoke to was great, said he was certainly coercive control and sexual abuse (me not DC) and said I should call 101, get a non molestation order and contact my local
victim support. I’ve so far contacted victim support and I’ve also contact a solicitor. I’m a bit wary of contacting the police and tbh I’m scared.

There are some complications to him leaving. I haven’t explained this as it’s quite outing, equally don’t want to drip feed. His child now lives with us, long story, they can’t go to their mother’s home. Obviously I can’t chuck a child out and of course nor would I want to. So I’m kind of stuck and he knows this.

Ahh ok, sorry. Sounds like you've had some great advice and obviously you feel obligated to his DC. But it is up to him to provide for his own child. You shouldn't be stuck just because he can't/won't.
He needs to go. His dc can stay until he finds somewhere.

TBH you need to put your DC above his and yes get him removed, the DC can stay whilst he sorts housing our for them both or not.

Rights of women will help you through getting a non-molestation order.

Thank you. I had offered to have his child here and care for them in til he got sorted.

she gave me a name of a different organisation who could help re non molestation order, I can’t remember the name and have had to hide the piece of paper on her advice.

I wrote everything down and was in tears telling her everything. The abuse just feels so insidious and subtle but constant that it’s just eroded my sense of what’s real and what’s not.

So, as you are not married, and he isn’t on the deeds or mortgage and there is no written agreement as to what claim he may have on the family home, it is up to him to prove to the courts he has sunk money into the house and is therefore due something. It’s not up to you to prove he doesn’t have a claim…the default is that he has no claim. I would seek legal advice on this as soon as possible on how best to handle this going forward if he is going to file a legal action for a share of the house.

Secondly, if he is being aggressive and violent (even if it’s throwing things in another room), yes you should call the police and have them tell him to leave. You also need to file a non molestation order so he cannot come back. You need to make sure the house is secure as well.

Thirdly, even if he wins a ruling saying he has a share in the house, it will not force the sale of the house. The courts can rule that as it is the family home it is in the best interests of the children that the house not be sold. So you aren’t in danger of him forcing a sale imho.

How old is his child? At 16 they can choose to stay with you without his permission. Under 16, I’d let police know they will need SS input for his child and you & child are happy for them to stay with you.

you are allowed not to be with him. You don’t need any reason beyond “I don’t want to be with you any more”. The house and the money are secondary. Ask him to leave. If he won’t then make him (the solicitor/womens aid have explained how). His child either goes with him or can stay, that’s up to them.?

I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. If you are not sure how to talk to the police, consider filling out a DASH risk assessment form. It will enable you to provide the police with a picture of what is going on. Police have been trained on DASH and should know what steps to take next.

www.dashriskchecklist.co.uk/v-dash/

Thank you. I’ve just been googling and found and old thread under a different username from 2019. I’m not sure to link. I was bloody told to leave him then 😓.

Refuge are contacting social services because I divulged that he was heavy handed with his child a few weeks ago. His child is under 16. He picked them up, shook them and threw them on the bed for a minor incident and they cracked their head on the wall and were in tears when I went in to check what had happened. I flipped out at him and he accuse his child of lying, not the case.

*accused

Sorry you're having to deal with this @CoalShed - you're being very brave now, well done. I hope social services will be of some help and good luck.

PP are right, if you feel unsafe, you have the right to ring the police and ask them to remove him. I know you will feel all kinds of guilt and worry about that, but it is an option and may get things moving to a resolution a bit more quickly.

I’m terrified of involving the police for lots of reasons.

This was my thread from years ago. Should have bloody listened.

This really sounds like the police need to be involved.

but his child is not a reason to keep the violent abusive man around your children.