Help. EA DP wants more than fair share of house after split

[CoalShed]

DP and I have been together for 10 years with 2 DC. I also have DC from previous marriage who live with us.

He lived with us in my previous house and did quite a bit of work on it, he asked for a specific price for the work which I paid (10k). I made a profit when the house was sold.

I then used my equity to buy another house, also got a mortgage. I paid all the costs for tradesmen and materials and he also did a lot of the work (he’s skilled). The deal was that he would get 30% of the profit and me 70% if and when the house was sold. He pays a set amount every month to cover bills etc.

Fast forward and I cannot bear to be with him any longer, long story, he’s EA, angry and I have terrible anxiety when around him, he scares me.

I am selling the house and he is now asking for more money from this house (50/50) and more form the original house despite what we’d already agreed. he’s been telling lies about me to anyone who’ll listen, about how I’ve ripped him off, how I’m controlling (it’s the other way round) and how I’ve ruined his life.

I just feel scared, stressed and broken. I want him out but he says he had nowhere to go and no money without the sale of the house. I can hear him shouting on the phone about me downstairs to his sister as I type this.

@LexMitior

I can explain the police's reluctance to intervene. If this you wanting him to leave and he won't, unless he's a criminal offender or there is a risk of a criminal offence, they won't.

There was a clear risk indicator though, he burst the security lock on the door to force entry.

How is that not a clear risk of a criminal offence? It's already a criminal offence as it's destruction of property.

I agree. If they were that bloody worried they could have taken him to sleep in their house. He's no more your responsibility than he is theirs.

I’m afraid this is why it’s important to involve the police per women’s aid advice - so you have control of the picture that’s built in their records. The way survivors are dealt with by police and court system is too often inadequate, especially when children are involved

To all the posters quoting me, I know! But you cannot expect the police to connect the dots. They will literally look at hard evidence, and what this looks like is that a child, this man's child, is living in the house.

So long as the child is there, OP will not get the police to intervene. A broken door lock is not enough even if alarming.

What OP has not said, and I think is part of the issue, is that she's made it very clear both he and the child have to leave. That's hard but it's true.

@LexMitior
I think OP said she was willing to have partner's child stay.

I think the point PP was making is the police do not want to separate the child from their legal guardian. I do see how it complicates the issue.

Yes because otherwise it looks like the police have intervened to separate a child from its father and an unrelated woman looks after the child?

Seriously the police did right. They checked that there was no immediate risk of harm and left.

The ownership of the property is not relevant. The OP has no right to say your child can stay but you can't, former partner. It's both or none and the police and this man know it too.

OP, if this man is abusive to you then you have every right to get him out. But you cannot do this thing where the child stays. You are on the wrong side of the law which is why the police said one of you might be arrested, well that person could be you.

Sorry I see was wrong regarding the relationship. OP, ignore my last post. They don't apply to your situation.

He is now refusing to pay this month towards bills etc.

I am just shaking with anger that this a very volatile abusive asshole can basically camp out in my home while becoming increasingly nasty.

Please speak to a solicitor, OP. Both he and his child (sadly) need to leave.

Have you called women's aid or rights of women yet OP?

Please do get in touch with them for advice so you can explore next steps.

Tell them what the police said and explain the situation re house ownership.

They should be able to offer advice and tell you what to do next when it comes to a police complaint.

They have handled this so badly and gone against policy taking into consideration the fact he broke your lock which is forced entry.

What did social services do about the child?

Refuge are contacting social services because I divulged that he was heavy handed with his child a few weeks ago. His child is under 16. He picked them up, shook them and threw them on the bed for a minor incident and they cracked their head on the wall and were in tears when I went in to check what had happened. I flipped out at him and he accuse his child of lying, not the case.

Next time he leaves lock doirs again and call police again if he turns up again

His child is not your remit but you can call ss

What has lawyer said?

Jesus Christ I cannot believe the police wanted you to leave your home.

Please call again and put in a complaint.

Please tell Women's aid what happened.

Keep calling the police.

Get their badge numbers.

No wonder women no longer trust the police when you have scum turning up telling women to leave THEIR home whilst being abused.

His child is not your priority. Sorry but they are not.

Getting him out is your priority.

You poor woman.

Please don't beat yourself up about not leaving earlier. It took me a lot longer than you! Go there in the end though, maybe not as tangled as yours but with physical abuse involved as well as all the other horribly familiar behaviour you described in your other thread. You know you are ready now and that's the main thing, and you have found your fire - I recognise the description of shaking with anger at the injustice and frustration too!

So OP have to spoken to your legal rep? I guessing not.

OP I've reported @Tiga2 for you, we can do without that kind of 'help' 🙄

Good for you love 🤣

I'm assuming you haven't bothered to actually read the Op's posts? Perhaps do that before embarrassing yourself further.

I agree about making a complaint to the police. Expecting you to leave? What a joke. If some random person and their kid somehow ended up in my house am I expected to house them because they dont have any were else to go? Some stranger has no more a claim to the house than your partner does technically. I would put it up for sale and he can take you to court for the 30%.

@CoalShed you know this already but those police mishandled this badly. Make a complaint. Wait until he's out of the house and get a locksmith to come and put extra locks on the door so he can't get in. Then record his behaviour so uou have evidence eg if he's trying to break in again. Call the police and tell them you're in fear for your life. And get the non molestation order in place ASAP. So sorry they left you there with him, absolutely crazy. The police can be appalling sometimes.