Help. EA DP wants more than fair share of house after split

[CoalShed]

DP and I have been together for 10 years with 2 DC. I also have DC from previous marriage who live with us.

He lived with us in my previous house and did quite a bit of work on it, he asked for a specific price for the work which I paid (10k). I made a profit when the house was sold.

I then used my equity to buy another house, also got a mortgage. I paid all the costs for tradesmen and materials and he also did a lot of the work (he’s skilled). The deal was that he would get 30% of the profit and me 70% if and when the house was sold. He pays a set amount every month to cover bills etc.

Fast forward and I cannot bear to be with him any longer, long story, he’s EA, angry and I have terrible anxiety when around him, he scares me.

I am selling the house and he is now asking for more money from this house (50/50) and more form the original house despite what we’d already agreed. he’s been telling lies about me to anyone who’ll listen, about how I’ve ripped him off, how I’m controlling (it’s the other way round) and how I’ve ruined his life.

I just feel scared, stressed and broken. I want him out but he says he had nowhere to go and no money without the sale of the house. I can hear him shouting on the phone about me downstairs to his sister as I type this.

Also if they're called out to cases like this all day, how do they not know how to handle it properly?! If you need to call the police again if he's being aggressive I'd also state on the phone to them about being worried his child isn't safe with him so not wanting to leave them alone with him, so he can't accuse you of kidnapping or something crazy.

Thanks all, I missed the posts that got deleted,
we’re they in support of the police? I’ve spend the evening with my older DC (younger asleep) and had a really nice evening. He’s been in the other room drinking wine and I’ve now locked myself in the bedroom. I’m panicking now about locking myself away but not DC, should t we all be safe? Equally I don’t think he’d do anything to hurt them. It does feel like he’s a man in the edge though and that scares me.

The police wear body cameras don’t they so if I make a complaint the whole thing has been recorded? Maybe they’ll use it in a future domestic abuse situation education video.

The deleted posts were someone asking repeatedly and almost aggresively asking your legal advice status. I did wonder if it was your DP?

How are things today?
I hope youre thinking seriously about following the advice from previous posters and getting him removed. You're in for a rough ride for a shirt while but at least there will be an end to it. Just got to go through this to achieve peace for you and your children.
Be the one who breaks the cycle. You've got the power.

How are you doing OP?

Hope you are ok op.

how have things been?

Hi, I’m ok thanks. Had an ok few days until yesterday, he made our four year old cry three times and my twelve year old cry too. I’ve spoken to my support worker and she is going to have to inform social services, I’m scared it’s going to make things worse. She was also shocked at the police.

He asked my four year old to get dressed and he didn’t so after the second time he grabbed him by his ankles and took him upstairs, four year old was crying his eyes out although DP seems to think it was lighthearted. I followed upstairs and tried to comfort DS and DP told me this is why he doesn’t do what he’s told as I’m
mollycoddling him. He then snuck up behind him when he got home from
work and grabbed him, trying to be playful. DS cried and asked me for a cuddle so DP shoved me over the back of the sofa, he was being playful but it was too rough. They were them pretending to sword fight with two lengths of plastic pipe. He hit DS on the bum trying to be playful but it was too hard and DS started bawling.

Roughhousing is abuse when another doesn’t see it as such

pushing you over isn’t play it’s abuse

he’s also abusing the kids and SW will now be involved tell the truth and make plans to get rid of him

Honestly, I think having SS involved will be a good thing. Hopefully it'll be the push you need to get him out of your house. If SS tells you he has to go, he must leave or you risk losing your children. I think it'll also give the police a kick up the arse to help you get him out.

He is physically abusing you and your DC. As PP says, roughhousing IS abuse when it's not mutual or when it's taken too far. He has done both. And since when is shoving someone over the back of a couch 'playful', especially if the intent was to keep them away from their child? You are minimizing.

Please speak to rights of women urgently tomorrow. Ask if enough has no happened to apply for an occupation order.

The abuse is escalating.

Call social services and tell them you need to get your abusive partner out of your house but the only way to do it is to change the locks, which will mean that he and his child are made homeless. Ask them what they can do to protect his child.

Then change the locks when he's out.

SS being involved will hopefully help.

Please, please do not dismiss his assault of the children and you as rough housing.

Don't betray your childrens distress by buying into that bullshit narrative.

He's abusing and terrorising your children.

He needs to leave.

Have you complained about the the police visit?

Can this woman help you complain?

I don’t know if she can help me complain, I just feel completely alone, I just assumed the police would help. She’s calling me tomorrow and social services probably will too. I just feel really scared and like the worst mum in the world.

Did you follow up with the police to complain about their previous visit?

I really think you should still do that.

You’re certainly not the worst Mum, your H is the one parenting badly. Don’t blame yourself ( it’s easier said than done, I know) and try to channel your energies into ending the relationship and getting him out. Try to emotionally detach and be as logical as possible-I need to end this, what are the steps I need to take? 💐

Stress to everyone how he has zero claim on YOUR home and you need help to get him out.

Stress that he has no claim whatsoever and you need him out.

Don't waste energy beating yourself up.

Focus it all on getting this pig out of YOUR home.

You're not married and he's not on the mortgage or deeds....

Well what a shame he hasn't been nicer to you, because now he's not getting 50% profit, or 30%, or any % because it's not his bloody house.

Tell him he need to leave. If he won't, change the locks while he's out. And make a call to the police to report emotional abuse and let them know your plans to get him out.

You don't have to deal with this OP!

He is slyly assaulting your dc op. Ring the police back.

OP, do you have any friends who are a bit scary and might help you make your complaint to the police? Ideally someone who is smart and has a good job and doesn't take any shit from anyone?

You seem completely downtrodden, which is understandable in the circumstances. You waited until his man had literally forced his way into your property to call the police, expecting them to back you up, and they didn't.

It is very unfortunate about this man's child, and I can completely understand why neither you nor the police want to make them homeless. At the same time, it is completely unacceptable that when you called the police about your abusive partner literally breaking and entering YOUR home that YOU own, they refused to get him to leave and left him there where he is a threat to you and your children.

If this man is a danger to his own child, that is a matter for the police and social services to deal with. You shouldn't be prevented from getting an abusive man out of your home just because he happens to have a child who has been living there.

It's a terrible situation for his child. But this child is not your legal responsibility. If they were, you could keep the child, change the locks, and get your partner out, which I get the feeling you would like to do.

You need someone in your corner who is knowledgeable and assertive enough to make a complaint about the police officers who attended the call out and say you require the police's assistance to get your abusive ex partner out of your home - which he owns no part of and has no legal rights to - and ensure that he stays out.

The police effectively palmed off responsibility for his child onto you, putting you and your children at immediate risk of harm. That is unacceptable.

This is one of those times I wish I knew where op lived... My 6.4 dh and 6. 8 sil and 3 strapping ds's would have that fucker out tonight .