Sorry this is gonna be long!!! Feeling a bit shaky typing as he’s downstairs!
DP and I have been together 5 years. We have 2 very young DC and I have 3 from previous marriage. I left ex h for him so partly feel a lot of this is my comeuppance...
We’ve always argued a lot. Ex and I never really argued. He argued all the time with his ex and she also accused him of emotional abuse and controlling.
We’re from very different backgrounds and I’ve always put it down to that. He would criticise me for a lot of things I thought were normal to the point I stopped doing then. Talking about exes, drinking wine in the evening, going on mumsnet discussing our relationship with a bunch of strangers, not wearing a bra, wearing pyjamas in bed are some examples.
We live in the countryside. I used to live in a city when we met but he couldn’t cope with city life as had always lived rurally and I’ve always wanted to live in the country so was fine with it. He doesn’t really get on with neighbours either though so we are quite isolated.
He’s also quite ‘off’ with my family and even his own mother as she’s questioned his unreasonable behaviour towards me on one visit.
I find I walk on eggshells constantly, am scared of causing rows so become sneaky, constantly second guess what he’s going to say in my head at the slightest thing ie spending too long in the shower, on my phone, at the shops. He has a knack of criticising something so next time I do it I remember the criticism and make excuses for what/why I’m doing something completely normal. Example put puppy on my knee for a cuddle and he started nagging about how gross it is as she runs around and might have Poo on her paws so now I feel guilty when I do it.
Another example. Was sitting on the back doorstep in a dress. He told me ‘Don’t flash your pants for the world to see’ our neighbours were out, we’re not overlooked and our neighbour would have to hoist himself on the fence to see anyway!
In the house tells me to ‘Put a bra on’ when I explain myself accuses me of being hyper defensive.
Sex is a constant and biggest problem. The other night before sleep ‘jokes’ he needs to get it from somewhere despite sex the day before and the day before that. Apparently second one didn’t count though as was a quickie. He’s constantly moody about not getting enough (we have it average twice a week) and have two very young DC and three older ones! I’m run ragged!
I get up every morning with one year old. When I ask whether he thinks it’s fair re getting up in the morning has a go at me for being passive aggressive and childish in the way I said it and then sulks for a few hours.
He says I fall asleep really easily, even after an argument which makes it seem like I don’t care. I now feel guilty for falling asleep easily.
He’s always been very argumentative. We got a lovely new bath and both got in one evening. I said it would be nice with a glass of champagne and candles. He started a massive rant about how it tastes like cat piss and no one likes it bla bla. Basically because ex and I used to drink it. I got out the bath and he accused me of trying to start an argument by doing this.
I don’t like having sex with him when we’ve been arguing as I can’t get in the mood. I then find I do it just to appease him as he’s in a much better mood afterwards.
He accused me of being emotionally abusive and gaslighting him and goes into some massive rant if I say his behaviour is emotionally abuisve and gaslighting because I’ve pulled him up for playing computer games for hours in the evenings.
He always cracking ‘jokes’ about how moody and cold I am.
Am I massively overreacting? I feel like I’m going mad and as soon as he starts being nice again it all melts away.
The problem is I can’t cope practically on my own with all the DC. He pays for a lot, helps out a lot practically and does/has done all the work on the house I bought.