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Original poster

Issues with soon to be husband

161 replies

Y2marsargo · 09/02/2023 17:02

I’m sorry if this is pretty long, I just have to vent and not sure what to do. I’m 34 and my soon to be husband is also 34 we currently live in a house rental and have been together for 6 years he also has a 7 year old that he has 50% of the time. We have been in a financial bind for years, he’s lost and gotten jobs as a truck driver and everytime he looses a job the bills and everything else is on me to survive until he gets a new job recently he lost a really good job being a cdl driver for a freight company bringing at least 1200/ week he lost it and now works for a 3rd party Amazon cdl driving position that brings home 550/week so things have been really stressful with me taking the majority of the hit rent being 2400 a month and all. Anyways we got into an argument yesterday because when we go out on outings he blatantly checks out other women, now I don’t care about this generally especially if we’re not together, it’s normal but I calmly asked he stop doing that while we’re together it makes me uncomfortable, I’m not at all trying to control him just asking for a little respect is all, and he just flips out saying that the only reason why he does that is because I don’t dress in revealing clothing which, I’m now actively trying to do, but after arguing with him yesterday and just telling him how I feel he yells at me and calls me a bitch and cunt, I was just shocked I mean he’s called me a bitch before but not the C word, and I understand that he’s stressed with the finances but I just feel like his emotional punching bag, what should I do to make things better? I’m trying to just solve some of his issues like taking care of his son, cooking cleaning and working so we can continue to stay at our rental.

OP posts:
ICanHideButICantRun · 09/02/2023 17:04

God, get rid of this complete loser. What are you thinking?

007DoubleOSeven · 09/02/2023 17:05

I'm of the belief that if things are like this before marriage, they're only going to get worse after marriage, which I think leaves you with a difficult decision to make 

Fireingrate · 09/02/2023 17:05

I trust you have made this up.

In case you have not. Its obvious what you do. You end the relationship.

JimnJoyce · 09/02/2023 17:05

Why are you trying to solve his issues? And why on earth would you want to marry him?

Glitteratitar · 09/02/2023 17:05

You’re not married yet and he’s already treating you like shit. Judging by his attitude, it’s going to get worse.

Get out before you have to deal with a divorce.

dickdarstardlymuttley · 09/02/2023 17:06

Well, he's shown you who and what he is. The question you need to ask yourself is, why are you letting yourself be treated like this?

Chiconbelge · 09/02/2023 17:06

He sounds absolutely awful. It’s not you that needs to change and it’s not you who needs to make things better. You are right he’s disrespecting you and there is no way that he should be pressuring you into wearing revealing clothing if that’s not what you would choose.

ThePear · 09/02/2023 17:06

You need to do vast work on yourself to establish self respect, self esteem and how to recognise obvious red flags that a man is not fit to date before going anywhere near a bloke again. Dump this specimen, do not legally shackle yourself to trash.

Nagado · 09/02/2023 17:07

You would have to be insane to marry this man.

takeaflight · 09/02/2023 17:07

I wonder why he keeps losing his jobs as a driver, there appears to be a shortage.

thistimelastweek · 09/02/2023 17:08

The good news is he's not your husband and doesn't have to be.

PottyMouther · 09/02/2023 17:09

I'm so sorry OP, he sounds horrendous. Why on earth should your fashion choices give him permission to be so utterly disrespectful towards you? Also the verbal abuse is just awful. You shouldn't have to endure treatment like that. Please walk away from this absolute cockwomble. Please, please consider seeking advice and support from Womens Aid or Refuge. 💐

FictionalCharacter · 09/02/2023 17:11

Dump him now. He’s absolutely horrible and if you marry him, he’ll get worse.

XJerseyGirlX · 09/02/2023 17:11

You will thank yourself in years to come if you dump this loser.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 09/02/2023 17:12

Why are you with him?

WolfingGames · 09/02/2023 17:12

How many times has he lost his job and for what reason? I am trying to make you see that this person is awful, truly awful. He checks out other women and blames you for it? You deserve better you know. Much better.

Name calling in an argument rather than actually addressing the issue you are disagreeing over has a 90% chance of relationship failure, get out now before you are married and legally tied to this waste of space.

He isn't nice or kind or loving. Stop fooling yourself and ask why you are still with him?

Mischance · 09/02/2023 17:12

he just flips out saying that the only reason why he does that is because I don’t dress in revealing clothing which, I’m now actively trying to do - why exactly are you trying to do this?

VictoriaBun · 09/02/2023 17:12

I'm not a prude , and if you want to wear revealing clothes , do so if it's your choice. But to be told to wear them because your partner gets off on other men potentially checking you out is grim. Wear what makes you feel good.
Being called a bitch and a cunt , would put him in the stbex ( soon to be ex ) category.

bossybloss · 09/02/2023 17:14

Please do not marry this man! X

Original poster
Y2marsargo · 09/02/2023 17:14

I’m so sorry so I typed this in to fast he wants me to wear revealing clothing only to him in the home not outside of it.

OP posts:
ThePear · 09/02/2023 17:14

Whatever excuse you’re thinking of for not dumping the shit man- no. Love? He obviously doesn’t love you. Lonely? Nothing could be more lonely than being with an abuser. His kid? Nothing to do with you, plus it’s damaging to make a kid live in an abusive house. Wedding booked? So what? Imagine the shame of marrying such an awful man and then the inevitable divorce costs. You only get one life, it’s for enjoying.

PartyPartyYeah · 09/02/2023 17:15

Where an earth do you like for your rent to be that much 😱

PurpleReindeer2 · 09/02/2023 17:16

Run.Why would you want to marry domebody eho treats you like this? He's an arsehole. He will only get worse.

Sunny1234567 · 09/02/2023 17:16

Please do not marry this man thinking he will change. He won't! You deserve better.

Pardon44 · 09/02/2023 17:17

OP, He is trying to control the way you dress. He makes you feel less than. He calls you names. Marriage isn't going to correct this. Marriage will just tie you to this loser even more.