Issues with soon to be husband

[Y2marsargo]

I’m sorry if this is pretty long, I just have to vent and not sure what to do. I’m 34 and my soon to be husband is also 34 we currently live in a house rental and have been together for 6 years he also has a 7 year old that he has 50% of the time. We have been in a financial bind for years, he’s lost and gotten jobs as a truck driver and everytime he looses a job the bills and everything else is on me to survive until he gets a new job recently he lost a really good job being a cdl driver for a freight company bringing at least 1200/ week he lost it and now works for a 3rd party Amazon cdl driving position that brings home 550/week so things have been really stressful with me taking the majority of the hit rent being 2400 a month and all. Anyways we got into an argument yesterday because when we go out on outings he blatantly checks out other women, now I don’t care about this generally especially if we’re not together, it’s normal but I calmly asked he stop doing that while we’re together it makes me uncomfortable, I’m not at all trying to control him just asking for a little respect is all, and he just flips out saying that the only reason why he does that is because I don’t dress in revealing clothing which, I’m now actively trying to do, but after arguing with him yesterday and just telling him how I feel he yells at me and calls me a bitch and cunt, I was just shocked I mean he’s called me a bitch before but not the C word, and I understand that he’s stressed with the finances but I just feel like his emotional punching bag, what should I do to make things better? I’m trying to just solve some of his issues like taking care of his son, cooking cleaning and working so we can continue to stay at our rental.

Hoping therapy works out for you. Please don't come back in a few years time saying you married him and he's totally ground you into the ground. His son will pick up on what's been happening and think it's normal, it isn't.
You deserve a good and happy life, you'll have neither if you stay with him. he's got his own problems to deal with you can't be responsible for his welfare. He's got to sort himself out if he wants to. If he won't do it for his child he's certainly not going to change for you.
It will be difficult to leave but with support you can do this, just like so many other women, including myself, have left an abusive man in the past.

@GCAcademic I understand that maybe it’s better to be separated while I’m getting treatment for my depression but I have been depressed for a very long time even before him, and had self image issues even before him, I’m trying to actively get help, and will probably stay with my mother for a few weeks since she lives 15 minutes away, im trying here even if im not immediately cutting ties with him doesn’t mean that I won’t eventually

@stripedsox thank you! I am hopeful that I will gain some assistance from both my family and this therapy, it is hard because I do make these internal excuses like “well he doesn’t physically abuse me, or cheat on me” but I get that emotional and verbal abuse can be just as d awful and cruel, I hope that he will speak to someone so far he has only spoke to his physician about his anxiety and explosive anger. And although we are engaged I have not pushed for marriage at all, because I really don’t know if this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with so I myself have been hesitant.

You deserve so much better. Thats it. He is a parasite wasting your time. Dump him. Do not get pregnant and more importantly stop bailing him out. He will never be the man you deserve no matter how much you believe he can change. If this is how he is before marriage, I can guarantee he will be much worse after. Run for the hills as they say.

Plus florida is a terrible state to live in. Would you be able to find a job somewhere else and relocate. Republicans run florida now and it will only get worse.

He’s not a keeper OP. You have not been placed on the planet to be the support human of a man. Everyone goes through ups and downs, sometimes massive ones but that does not mean you get to be mean to the person who supports you.
well done for giving yourself some space at your mom’s and some therapy too so you can find some peace for yourself. Don’t be around people that make you feel bad. Period.

@Floppyelf thanks! My mother was saying the exact same thing, which is why she’s pushing for me to seek therapy, and yeah florida is pretty bad but I’ve lived here all my life, it’s very odd that this state has so many people that are dems or just more liberal in general and still selected this man. I would love to move out of state but I just need to be close to my family for emotional support right now especially my mom.

There is no 'team', great or otherwise, here.

Do not marry him

Stop trying to "solve his issues" (does he do the same for you?) and stop wearing "revealing clothing" (unless you really want to of course) because it's what he wants.

You really need to start looking at your life and relationship and deciding if this is the life for you. It sure wouldn't be for me!

@Y2marsargo your self image problems are certainly not going to be helped by a guy who is checking out other women in front of you. Your depression will almost certainly worsen and I'm pretty certain the guys behaviour will worsen once he "has you". I'd also worry about what he insisted you did next to stop him looking.

He's not good for you and you seem like a nice person who has a great deal to offer the right person... Which he isn't.

Do not marry.