Page 5 | Received a message

Imagineit · 2023-02-06T18:25:04+00:00

Received a message today from a Facebook profile which was suspicious (no other friends) lady sent me a friend request then messaged to say 'DP (named) is not to be trusted' I asked for clarification. She said he was involved with her 'friend' The profile listed a town nowhere near us so I asked where friend lived and she named town right by us. DP's reaction to all this had been weird. He's more annoyed at me than anything and feels so hard done by but venomously denied it. I'm so confused. It seems a lot of effort from someone to create a profile to contact me if there's nothing in it. DP says maybe it's a bot. I've asked this person for more details but they haven't responded to me in a few hours. My head is scrambled!

NYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYN · 06/02/2023 23:28

Someone innocent wouldn't react like that. They would hand you the phone and let you see for yourself.

I'm so sorry ♥️♥️

longcoffeebreak · 06/02/2023 23:31

Oh no that's so crap your poor thing what a shocker.

mightymam · 06/02/2023 23:31

Guilty as fuck.

jasper333 · 06/02/2023 23:35

Hope you're ok

JessicaFletcherscrewnecksweater · 06/02/2023 23:37

So guilty.

IneedanewTV · 06/02/2023 23:40

Are you sure he has gone to his brothers? Sorry this is happening to you. So many of us have been through it.

determinedtomakethiswork · 06/02/2023 23:40

Don't forget, he will it been in touch with her and told her to stop messaging you. That's probably why she's not answering.

WinnieFosterReads · 06/02/2023 23:43

I'm sorry this has happened. His response isn't the actions of an innocent person. Think about what you would do if someone messaged him saying you had cheated. You'd rush to reassure him, let him see your phone, etc. He's acted the complete opposite - shouting at you, not reading the messages till later, walking out. He's hoping you'll be so worried about saving the relationship that you'll gloss over that there might have been an OW. He's banking on you slipping into doing the pick me dance. Don't.

Dejavu23 · 06/02/2023 23:44

They always take their phone to the bathroom when they’ve been confronted.

thisbathiscoldnow · 06/02/2023 23:46

Imagineit · 06/02/2023 23:16

Hey everyone. This did not go well. I didn't get through to the messenger busy phoning. I confronted DP and asked what was going on. I said he needed to tell me what was going on and that I didn't believe him. He got so so angry. I said show me messages on your phones and he lost it, ranting raving, throwing stuff then eventually left the house and had gone to his brothers. Before he left he skimmed me through some messages, all the while screaming at me. Thing is, he was in the bathroom after I asked to see them so could easily have deleted them.

I sound like a mad woman but I just want to know what is going on. He has just driven two hours to his brothers house

This reaction suggests that it's true I'm afraid. It's a classic response to a liar being confronted about their actions.

Of course he'll have now deleted all evidence and will make you out to be the crazy one, minimising anything he can to make himself look the innocent party.

They all follow the same script I'm afraid, kick him out for the time being until you've had chance to get your thought's together

CKL987 · 06/02/2023 23:49

So if my DH accused me of this I'd be mortified and begging him to believe that I have done nothing wrong and I imagine it would be the same response from my DH if I accused him. This response is gaslighting and would make me more suspicious.

MithrilCostsMore · 06/02/2023 23:50

He's guilty. Been there, bought the T-shirt. My guilty ex reacted just like yours. The truth will out.

Dery · 06/02/2023 23:53

Agree with PP - he’s guilty as charged and trying to bully you into dropping the matter. I hope you’re able to put him in your past. Sorry you’re going through this, OP.

Dottielottie123 · 06/02/2023 23:58

guilty, innocent people do not react like this. They would want to prove their innocence,
message the account themself to say wtf is going on, they would show your their phone and not AFTER deleting anything and shouting at you while showing you. Typical reaction. First comes anger when you’re suspecting, then when you find proof they’re suddenly sad instead of angry. He’s basically reading off the cheaters script, “ make her feel like she’s going crazy and that she’s a bad person for believing somebody else over her husband, gas light her into thinking she’s the problem not me” 😣

it is a lot of effort for somebody to go to to create an account to message you out the blue when your already married. I know some crazy exes do it to meddle and break their exes and new partners up, but this would be a hell of a long game to wait until your married?

journeyofinsanity · 06/02/2023 23:58

Ask him. Say 'anger is a VERY peculiar reaction to the person you love feeling scared you are having an affair. A normal reaction would be concern. Tell me....WHY are you so angry?' His reaction will be telling. He will either flip out or he will go into desperate convincing mode. When that doesn't work he will go crazy again.
The say 'you sound unhinged'

Original poster

Imagineit · 07/02/2023 00:02

journeyofinsanity · 06/02/2023 23:58

Ask him. Say 'anger is a VERY peculiar reaction to the person you love feeling scared you are having an affair. A normal reaction would be concern. Tell me....WHY are you so angry?' His reaction will be telling. He will either flip out or he will go into desperate convincing mode. When that doesn't work he will go crazy again.
The say 'you sound unhinged'

I did all this. It drove him to absolute mental break down.

I've told him to stay away for the rest of the week. I don't want him anywhere near us. He totally believes his own lies to the point where he's angry at me for not believing them too

OP posts:

Closetbeanmuncher · 07/02/2023 00:04

I’d say cheating with 95% certainty based on the reaction alone.

Teaandtoast3 · 07/02/2023 00:07

Based firmly on his reaction I would 98% say he’s definitely guilty. If you weren’t guilty you wouldn’t verbally attack your OH would you? You’d be surprised. Confused. Maybe angry at the person who sent the text. You would want to dig more deeply into it to find out who it was and what they were playing at.

You know his reaction makes no sense. It just doesn’t. Which means what he’s saying isn’t true.

LeopardsDontChangeTheirSpots · 07/02/2023 00:13

Does he normally lose his temper to this extent over other things? Point being that if it's unusual then that big red flag would be waving over him doing it about this.
If he normally gets this angry - well I'd be worried about that for different reasons.
I'm so sorry you're in this position. I do hope you've got some friends and family around that can support and help you

MargaritaPie · 07/02/2023 00:18

Affair.

Sorry.

Original poster

Imagineit · 07/02/2023 00:22

I haven't got family here. I feel really upset that he gets to Sean off like the injured party and go be with his family whilst I have to hold everything together for our son.

The temper, though the worst I've seen tonight is pretty normal. I want him gone. Maybe this person just did me a favour.

I feel very sad and alone though. I chatted to my family on the phone. But it's not the same as the physical support that he will be able to get. And that makes me so resentful. I literally just woke up today and I feel like I've done nothing to deserve any of this.

Things haven't been right between us for a long time and I've tried to find a way to separate before but he wouldn't go. He protests I'm his everything and he only wants me and our son as we are his whole world. I held on whilst my son was small and I am part time at work. People make it sound simple when they talk about leaving but my god it's not. Financially I have to be smart and get my ducks in a row. That doesn't happen overnight.

OP posts:

unvillage · 07/02/2023 00:24

He sounds unpleasant.

A few years ago I got a message from an woman unknown to me, who told me that her relative was in a relationship with my dad. She was able to tell me all kinds of details about me and my siblings, with the added details that my mother was dead (she isn't) and that my dad was Irish (he isn't). He had left his Facebook page open to the public and a scammer had stolen all his photos and information, all freely available, and used them to defraud, as it turned out, multiple vulnerable women.

There are other explanations sometimes.

Eyerollcentral · 07/02/2023 00:30

His reaction is just not normal. He should have reassured you. Not gone totally bonkers at you. Horrendous to drive off and leave you to go two hours away by car. Do you even know he is at his brother’s? His reaction is aimed at making you feel like the bad guy OP. You aren’t.

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/02/2023 00:43

The anger is the giveaway.

He is cheating.

I had this and when I confronted him I didnt get confusion, worry, him trying to convince me he was innocent. I got shouting, accusations that I was making it up, refusal to let me look at his phone (didnt need to, the reason I knew was because he asked me to wash a pair of his work trousers that he had left his secret phone in, fucking idiot) and then absolute outrage when I refused to believe his lies. When I produced the second phone, tried to claim it wasnt his and how dare I accuse him of that. When I showed him the photos, of him, on said phone that he had sent to OW he smashed it to pieces and said that my "proof" was gone. When I pointed out that only an idiot wouldnt copy and save them to another phone first, he smashed my phone up as well. When I said it wasnt my phone I had saved them to but my sisters I thought he was going to have a stroke or a heart attack or something.

LeopardsDontChangeTheirSpots · 07/02/2023 00:43

Imagineit · 07/02/2023 00:22

I haven't got family here. I feel really upset that he gets to Sean off like the injured party and go be with his family whilst I have to hold everything together for our son.

The temper, though the worst I've seen tonight is pretty normal. I want him gone. Maybe this person just did me a favour.

I feel very sad and alone though. I chatted to my family on the phone. But it's not the same as the physical support that he will be able to get. And that makes me so resentful. I literally just woke up today and I feel like I've done nothing to deserve any of this.

Things haven't been right between us for a long time and I've tried to find a way to separate before but he wouldn't go. He protests I'm his everything and he only wants me and our son as we are his whole world. I held on whilst my son was small and I am part time at work. People make it sound simple when they talk about leaving but my god it's not. Financially I have to be smart and get my ducks in a row. That doesn't happen overnight.

No, I totally get it's not simple to just leave. It's bloody hard and scary and the current cost of living crisis makes it so much harder.
Don't worry about him casting you as the one in the wrong. To your friends and family you won't be. And his family and friends will always back him so you can't win there anyway. You're right though, you do need to get your hands on all the info re finances, accounts etc.
Can you get family or a friend to come and stay for a few days. Just so that you're not alone and for some support?