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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Received a message

230 replies

Imagineit · 06/02/2023 18:25

Received a message today from a Facebook profile which was suspicious (no other friends) lady sent me a friend request then messaged to say
'DP (named) is not to be trusted'
I asked for clarification.
She said he was involved with her 'friend'
The profile listed a town nowhere near us so I asked where friend lived and she named town right by us.

DP's reaction to all this had been weird. He's more annoyed at me than anything and feels so hard done by but venomously denied it.

I'm so confused. It seems a lot of effort from someone to create a profile to contact me if there's nothing in it. DP says maybe it's a bot.

I've asked this person for more details but they haven't responded to me in a few hours. My head is scrambled!

OP posts:
Cosycover · 06/02/2023 19:53

Tell him you have been sent evidence so he better start talking.

Original poster
Imagineit · 06/02/2023 19:53

Or maybe I just do it tonight, once my son is asleep. I mean she may not answer but I have nothing to lose

OP posts:
TiaI · 06/02/2023 19:56

yes ring tonight

Original poster
Imagineit · 06/02/2023 19:58

Does someone need to be online to be able to receive a call through Facebook messenger? Does anyone know?

OP posts:
lemondrop1x · 06/02/2023 20:00

I think it will notify them if someone is ringing through Facebook, I hope you get the answers you need

DestinysGrandchild · 06/02/2023 20:00

Imagineit · 06/02/2023 19:58

Does someone need to be online to be able to receive a call through Facebook messenger? Does anyone know?

It should still go through. It's the only way my dad calls me x

user1188 · 06/02/2023 20:01

Imagineit · 06/02/2023 19:58

Does someone need to be online to be able to receive a call through Facebook messenger? Does anyone know?

I'd guess they will receive a missed call if they don't answer your call.

Original poster
Imagineit · 06/02/2023 20:03

Great, i'm doing it. Just waiting for my son to drop off

OP posts:
DestinysGrandchild · 06/02/2023 20:06

Good luck. I hope you find the answers you need x

VouloirCestPouvoir · 06/02/2023 20:07

Fingers crossed for you, hope you get somewhere

Dibbydoos · 06/02/2023 20:10

I'm so sorry OP, but he's deflecting on by being angry at you. Only the guilty behave like that. Truly innocent people vent about injustice, they don't take it out on their partner ...

user1188 · 06/02/2023 20:13

Good luck op. I have to agree with others that he does sound like he's guilty. He's angry at being found out. You would be getting a different reaction if it were innocent.

winterchills · 06/02/2023 20:14

Definitely sounds dodgy by his reaction,do some more digging!

MissMaple82 · 06/02/2023 20:15

No smoke without fire

Clucket87 · 06/02/2023 20:17

OP I'm so sorry
Regardless of if he is or isn't, it's a horrible thing to go through.
One of my ex's did this. He was getting pictures from other guys (guess what they were of). Still denied it. One of them was from one of his friends I went clubbing with! I text them back and my ex when mental! Told me it was people trying to split us up. He loved me. Couldn't live without me (all the while telling me I shouldn't work and I had a choice not to work on a weekend (I worked at football grounds at the time, so it wasn't an option)) and that he would look after me.
I am not proud to say I ended up cheating on him further into the relationship and ending it. I wasn't happy and it all stemmed from the loss of trust.
If you have any concerns, go and get yourself checked for an STI/STD. Keep yourself safe.

Pinkbonbon · 06/02/2023 20:18

'Venonmously' tells you all you need to know.

Denying it is one thing. Denying it by spitting venom is another.

An innocent person would be mortified and so sorry to you. They'd immediately ask if you wanted to see their phone and emails and what else they could do to put your mind at ease.

pompei8309 · 06/02/2023 20:19

Imagineit · 06/02/2023 19:03

Ok, I'm going to wait til my son is asleep and then confront him about it again this evening. It's good to get the perspectives do Thankyou everyone . Other than him admitting it (doubtful I think) where can I look? His phones are all password locked.

I don’t even know why you told him so fast? you should have kept quiet and investigate, now he’ll do everything to cover his possible infidelity

LightSpeeds · 06/02/2023 20:25

Ask to see his phones, now. If he has nothing to hide he'll be happy to show you there's nothing to worry about...

TeachesOfPeaches · 06/02/2023 20:27

If his phone is synched to an iPad or MacBook you can read messages there, also via Apple Watch

blacksax · 06/02/2023 20:28

bluelid · 06/02/2023 19:08

Imagine the shoe was on the other foot and someone contacted your husband with a similar story about you... You know it's not true and is completely fabricated. Would you be angry with him? Would you respond in the way he has if you was innocent?

Actually, all things considered, yes I probably would be absolutely furious with him. I'd be appalled that he could even believe for one second that I might do something like that.

There are few things worse than being accused of something you haven't done.

Pinkbonbon · 06/02/2023 20:29

Would a satnav in the car show you commonly visited locations?

XJerseyGirlX · 06/02/2023 20:31

Will he let you look at his phone if you asked? If my dp was innocent and knew the accusation was causing me upset he would have no issue handing it over.

TolkiensFallow · 06/02/2023 20:34

Can you see her Facebook and see if you have any mutual friends? Do you could track her down?

bluelid · 06/02/2023 20:36

@blacksax yes, I see your point. Although I don't know if OP went to him from an accusatory angle.

I feel like if my husband had been made to feel this way (and I was completely innocent), my default response wouldn't be anger at him. I would have anger towards the weirdo mystery messenger, who was trying to destroy my marriage, but I would be more interested in reassuring my husband that it wasn't true; anger doesn't feel like the way to do this.

rwalker · 06/02/2023 20:40

VouloirCestPouvoir · 06/02/2023 18:41

His angry reaction is not good.

Wouldn’t you be pissed off if someone did this to you

I would

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