Received a message

[Imagineit]

Received a message today from a Facebook profile which was suspicious (no other friends) lady sent me a friend request then messaged to say
'DP (named) is not to be trusted'
I asked for clarification.
She said he was involved with her 'friend'
The profile listed a town nowhere near us so I asked where friend lived and she named town right by us.

DP's reaction to all this had been weird. He's more annoyed at me than anything and feels so hard done by but venomously denied it.

I'm so confused. It seems a lot of effort from someone to create a profile to contact me if there's nothing in it. DP says maybe it's a bot.

I've asked this person for more details but they haven't responded to me in a few hours. My head is scrambled!

The message would not bother me alone but his angry reaction would. Usually people who are corned only react with anger when they are guilty.

Hey 👋 sorry to hear but similar occurred and we survived it too.

these were meeting people contacting you, usually want to break up your relationship. Although I agree it is really really good for you to know. They also have their own agenda.

I honestly think chances are it’s true. They really try not to share until they really really have to.

What I did when my OWshubby contacted me is I said to my husband well I’ve been given some information, which I know he can not deny, so if he wants to say something it would be better if it came from DH. DH started talking like crazy, gave me so much information. Then I could actually feed back to the OWs hubby. Between us we pieced it together.

I hope you are ok right now. Do you have anyone you can lean on just in case?

OW often message the wife because they are sick of the husband saying they will leave and it is a way of forcing their hand. To get them to leave, so they can claim their prize if you want to call him that (wife then throws the husband out of the family home).

I would be cautious.

Ooh. I had this with an ex. Same reaction. Similar story with a fake Facebook profile contacting me. He was so pissed off about trolls trying to ruin peoples lives and that they'd obviously been bored and thought of fucking with someone's life, they could obviously see who I was in a relationship with, it must be someone on my friends list, maybe none of my friends are real friends blah blah blah blah.

He was cheating. I tracked down the woman from the name and location given. It was pretty easy. I remain convinced that the fake account actually was her and she was sick of him not making good on his promise to leave me for her, so she blew it all up herself.

Find the woman, if you can be arsed. But honestly, he's cheating. With exactly who she says he's cheating with.

I had this but his reaction was genuine surprise and a discussion about who could have sent the message to me (the method was unusual) and why.

It wasn’t true. It genuinely wasn’t.

I would expect anger only if it were true.

Ok, I'm going to wait til my son is asleep and then confront him about it again this evening. It's good to get the perspectives do Thankyou everyone . Other than him admitting it (doubtful I think) where can I look? His phones are all password locked.

Imagine the shoe was on the other foot and someone contacted your husband with a similar story about you... You know it's not true and is completely fabricated. Would you be angry with him? Would you respond in the way he has if you was innocent?

Can't you guess what his password would be ? It sounds like he just wants you to shut up and stop asking questions

I don't think you should confront him yet. Wait till the person get back to you. Let him think its all water under the bridge.

I wouldnt bother confronting him. He's denied it.

I'd ask for proof. I'd ask her to message next time they are together and then I'd turn up.

This is a MASSIVE 🚩🚩🚩

I’m really sorry OP. It’s not what’s happened or not happened, it’s the response. His response is ESPECIALLY clear cut given that you haven’t been suspicious/been snooping/giving him grief about going out, or whatever. You’ve been totally upfront about receiving unsolicited information.

You have done nothing wrong. Totally understandable if he’s upset someone would make that accusation randomly but NOT totally understandable that he is turning it round on you.

Look up DARVO.

If there is absolutely no other untoward behaviour from him in the relationship it may be worth saying that if he comes clean you’ll work through it with him (you don’t have to), just in case that’s enough.
But unfortunately you may never know the complete truth and you may have to make whatever decision is right for you based on what HIS behavior is telling you (and not on any hard evidence).
If you think his current reaction is part of a pattern of him turning things round on you/disregarding your feelings or fears/getting unreasonably angry with you about small things then also read the Lundy Bancroft book Why Does He Do That? (Download on kindle app)

I’m so, so sorry.

He's cheating. Why would someone go to the trouble of setting up a fake facebook profile just to upset you and anger your partner?

why not ask her for proof?

screenshot of text messages, photos, etc.

don’t confront him. He won’t admit anything

it’s up to you to dig.

This is so frustrating as she hasn't responded to my messages for hours. Not sure how I can get to the bottom of this

Bloomin autocorrect!

Darvo I will type more carefully

UGH. I'm sorry this has happened. Even if it isn't true it sure is unsettling.

Ask her for sceeenshots of messages between him and this person, dates and times they have been together and cross reference it .

I had something similar to this when my Fb profile was public - it was a fake profile, I reverse image searched their profile pic and could see it wasn’t genuine. They only replied to my messages asking for more details at 3am in the morning, because they were actually in Nigeria and started asking for money! I would usually believe stuff like this straight away, but scams do happen!

Well, you could ask him if you can see his phone. If he's nothing to hide he'd presumably let you check his phone and be happy to do that to reassure you.

He has had chance now to delete messages and emails etc, but if he's worried an OW might message him while you're looking then he wouldn't be happy for you to have his phone.

Someone is doing this to my friend now. Messaging her DP saying she's cheating. She absolutely isn't. It's driving her crazy, her DP blocks and they make a new account. Some people are loons and malicious.

I had the angry reaction too and in that time he hide everything and became more secretive with his phone I never got evidence because I showed my hand to early. It's near impossible not to though.

I found condom stuff in the car which was the closet thing to finding stuff but as they car came from auction he had a reason that it was someone elses.

I think them not wanting to investigate it is the biggest red flag. Imagine it's the other way around you would be at the computer with them trying to find out who was trying to blow your life up not disinterested and anger towards you. It's classic trying to deflect and get you to move on.

DP says maybe it's a bot

Ha. I bet he does. He’s a liar. Classic reaction. Why would he be angry unless he’s got something to hide. He’s got overly involved with a single woman and her mate is getting pissed off.

Getting pissed off at how he’s treating her friend, I mean*

🤣🤣

Just realised that Facebook messaging has a phone icon. DP is out tomorrow night, I could try calling?