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Original poster

Could he be having an affair???

972 replies

heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 11:41

Name changed for this!! I don't even know why im posting!! I don't know anything yet?! Im hoping it's all innocent!!

Today my husband told me he was going off to golf! No problem, it's a hobby he's taken up in the last 6 months and goes off most weekends! He always said it's a good de stresser as we have 2 children under 5, one of which is an baby. So of course I've had no reason to suspect anything untoward!!

My friend text me saying she's seen him with a woman shopping in the next town over!!! She doesn't think he saw her.

I don't know what to do, say, do I ring him? Do I confront him when he's home? I'm hoping my friend is wrong 😩

OP posts:
Showdogworkingdog · 06/02/2023 19:36

I’m so sorry, what a complete arsehole he is throwing all of that away. I’ve been following this hoping it was all a misunderstanding, but what a dick. I’m so sorry you’ve been hurt. Lots of love xx

Original poster
heartbroken26 · 06/02/2023 19:41

Comeonbarbiebrianharvey · 06/02/2023 19:34

Sorry to hear this. Google entiltedto.co.uk you may qualify for some help. This is no way your fault, you gave birth to and have been looking after his children. He could have used his hand! If she was his teenage fling I'd be sceptical about it only being 4months, what about when you had your first baby how did he manage then? Thinking of you, don't let him back.

I had a pretty horrific birth with 2nd baby, third degree tear, had to be repaired in theatre and things are still so tender. First birth was more straightforward and so sex wasn't off the cards so much, plus I now have 2 kids to look after so more tired. I hope it's not been going on longer it makes a mockery of everything

OP posts:
chaosmaker · 06/02/2023 19:45

Sending you love and hope you manage to get some good rest. xxx

Jingleq · 06/02/2023 19:46

It’s no reflection on you what so ever! So don’t see it as a mockery shame on them not you. My heart goes out to you I must admit I felt this may of been the case reading your first post.
You'll look back one day on this happening and be grateful of it one day what an absolute disgrace of human beings they both are. You sound incredible and your children are so lucky to have you! One step in front of the other you will get through this and be better for it. Thank goodness you now know and you can alter your life to truly have the loyalty and happiness you deserve ♥️

Benjispruce4 · 06/02/2023 19:46

Sorry to hear your update. What a tosser! 💐

Wayk · 06/02/2023 19:49

I am so so sorry that he was cheating. You are a lovely wife to give him so much free time and pick up the slack. Be kind to yourself. Your friend’s sister is equally as bad as she knew he was married and to one of her sister’s friends.

Waxamole · 06/02/2023 19:51

Omg OP what a shit he is. Also I know it would have been better for your friend to tell you straight away but I think she’s really been a good friend in this situation. I’m not sure what I’d have done in her position.

I’m glad you have your mum there for support. You sound strong and however awful this is right now you’ll get through it.

GrimsbyOrangePippin · 06/02/2023 19:53

Do you have any nytol in the house? Take one and get some sleep.

While usually quite good advice, this is a very bad idea with a small baby that she brings into her bed sometimes. (Unless her Mum can 100% be 'on it' to look after baby and check she hasn't fallen asleep with baby in the bed if feeding etc. but I wouldn't risk it just in case her Mum nods off too - I coslept, years ago, btw.)

OP I've been following this thread without having anything to add, I'm so sorry you have been on this rollercoaster and that he was/is indeed having an affair. The excuse he gave was disgusting and pathetic. I am glad you have your Mum's, your friend's, and lots of Mumsnetters' support as you take stock and work out what to do next.

JML001 · 06/02/2023 19:55

Jeez OP, I've been following the thread from the start and I was 100% that your friend MUST have been mistaken. Cannot believe what has unfolded. The state of him trying to minimise his affair and the audacity to then turn around and try and blame you!
Concentrate on your baby boys and hold your head up high knowing that you are teaching them how to treat partners and how to expect to be treated.
You CAN do this 💪

Dryshampoofordays · 06/02/2023 19:58

I’m so sorry, you sound wonderful and you don’t deserve any of this. Take care of yourself x

dogdaydown · 06/02/2023 20:03

GrimsbyOrangePippin · 06/02/2023 19:53

Do you have any nytol in the house? Take one and get some sleep.

While usually quite good advice, this is a very bad idea with a small baby that she brings into her bed sometimes. (Unless her Mum can 100% be 'on it' to look after baby and check she hasn't fallen asleep with baby in the bed if feeding etc. but I wouldn't risk it just in case her Mum nods off too - I coslept, years ago, btw.)

OP I've been following this thread without having anything to add, I'm so sorry you have been on this rollercoaster and that he was/is indeed having an affair. The excuse he gave was disgusting and pathetic. I am glad you have your Mum's, your friend's, and lots of Mumsnetters' support as you take stock and work out what to do next.

The mum is there to deal with the children.. hence my advice.

OP needs to sleep and if she's taking the children in the car tomorrow and gone two days without sleep that's very dangerous.

VariantHela · 06/02/2023 20:07

OP I am so sorry.

AlbertaAnnie · 06/02/2023 20:08

So very sorry op - he doesn’t deserve you! Hold your head up high you have done nothing to be ashamed of - sending you virtual hugs

comfortablylesslumpy · 06/02/2023 20:10

I am so sorry.
He is a complete shit, and you deserve better x

KateADM · 06/02/2023 20:11

RunRunRunRunRunaway · 04/02/2023 13:45

I'm not sure why im being called out for using exclamation marks! It's a habit! Is it bad? Short answer, OP - yes. It's bad. It makes all of your responses look like you think it's some kind of fun game. Exclamation marks usually mean lighthearted humour. They should be used sparingly, if at all, in most day-to-day written communications.

That's not to say I'm minimising the situation your find yourself in, but for the vast majority of pp, they wouldn't be using lots of !!! because it just gives the impression you think it's all a huge joke. Serious issues shouldn't use ! at all.

Um, no they're not to show lighthearted humor, they are used when one is exclaiming. Fear, anger, surprise, humor, panic, etc.

icelollycraving · 06/02/2023 20:17

Oh love, what a terrible shock. I was so hoping you’d got it sorted. What an absolute wanker.
How disrespectful. So in an area that is quite small, he’s taken her to the pub, taken her shopping. That’s not just sex, that’s an affair. Good on you for chucking him out. What an utter prick.

Beargrumps22 · 06/02/2023 20:17

this man is disgusting he knows you went thru hell in the delivery room to produce his child and he treats you like this? moaning because you don't feel like prancing around the bedroom in sexy lingerie and jumping off the wardrobe? That's awful he should be doing all he can to help with the children and treating you like a princess
he should have known he would get caught going with the sister esp where you live! talk about shtting on his own doorstep
you have nothing to be embarrassed about I would seriously consider your friendship with that woman but you are lucky to have your mum
if you need a non judgemental friend dm me anytime

Justalittlebitduckling · 06/02/2023 20:25

I’m so sorry this was the outcome, OP. Well done for kicking him out. I can see how your friend was in a difficult position. All the best.

Zonder · 06/02/2023 20:26

So sorry to read your updates.

EmilyGilmoresSass · 06/02/2023 21:01

OP, my first post was full of sympathy. My second was full of tough love, telling you to basically wise up, and for that I do apologise. I have been in your shoes and it was completely wrong of me to be so rude, but I just saw so many flags in your posts that reflected my own past and know I could have done with it being tough loved with me at the time. However, everybody is different and I'm aware that you likely did not need my comment and on reflection it came across stronger and ruder than intended, so I would like to say sorry, genuinely and I'm deeply apologetic. I actually had hoped I was being an even bigger asshole than I was and that I was completely wrong. I do have genuine sympathy for you and I'm sorry I was rude in my second post and wish you and your sons the absolute best. And please take advantage of your mum while she is there, my own wasn't overly helpful for me and it is a great help to have in these circumstances. You WILL get through this and one day you will realise you are worth much more than the way he treated you. It's hard for a while, I won't lie and say it isn't, but in the long run you will be okay x

Irisheyesareshining · 06/02/2023 21:03

This post has brought back painful memories for me 😞
Remember ;
He is one of life’s losers , he has lost his caring wife, his family and his home. He has gained a woman who has been prepared to cheat on her sister’s best friend who has young children.
As hard as it is now you will get over this ! Better to know now than waste a lifetime with this useless excuse of a man . Hold your head up high and stay classy !! He’s not worthy of you and he will now be thinking of the massive mistake he’s made.

Original poster
heartbroken26 · 06/02/2023 21:03

I've made a follow on thread as I'm concerned this one will be full soon, I could really do with some more support, it is a comfort to read your comments. I'd love to continue to share to 'strangers' who I do feel are really wanting to help. I'm not ready to involve more people in real life yet. Thank you

He is having an affair! Follow on thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4737236-he-is-having-an-affair-follow-on-thread

OP posts:
bozzabollix · 06/02/2023 21:03

I’m so sorry. And also glad your friend did the right thing, her sister has chosen to put her through hell with this too. Absolute bastards.

My friends husband cheated with my sister. It was horrendous all round and still continues to be a huge problem. Why do people think these things will work out ok? They really don’t. Not for anyone.

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 06/02/2023 21:07

I'm so sorry OP. I found out when the other woman messaged me, had been going on for years.

It hurts like hell and you think you won't get over it but you will. Trust me you will be happy again, you will laugh again and he is the one to lose out- not you

Stay strong

HappyHolidays22 · 06/02/2023 21:09

Oh @heartbroken26 sending you so much love. I’ve just read all your posts and was so pleased when you thought it was all a mistake..: I’m absolutely gutted for you to find out he was having an affair. There’s nothing I can say to help you feel better, just please take care of yourself and give yourself time to process everything. Be kind to yourself xxx

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