Islamic divorce HELP

[aishaali]

I have a Nikkah in the UK so it is not recognised as a civil marriage. I have two kids and we were Islamically married for 4 years. My husband left me 2 months ago and has told me he has booked an Islamic divorce with an imam in 2 weeks time. He doesn’t pay any maintenance or anything, he has just left to live with his parents, and I am left with the 2 kids at home paying rent. The thing is I have no financial protection here or no rights whatsoever. I told him I won’t be attending the Islamic divorce because it is too soon. A legal divorce takes months, even years to settle, and somehow for an Islamic divorce he can literally sign a paper with an imam present and divorce me there and then. I said I will not attend to delay the divorce because we need to have childcare plans and financial arrangements in place. He said if I don’t attend the appointment in 2 weeks then apparently he is able to sign the forms without me and do the Islamic divorce without me even being present! He said women don’t get a say in islam so he will divorce me and send me a divorce paper through the post. How crazy is that? I feel so helpless. Ideally I wanted to save the marriage but I have no time and certainly no time to settle finances etc. Has any other Muslim woman with only an Islamic Nikkah ceremony been divorced by their husband without even being present at the mosque? Why do women in UK get no say in Islamic divorce? Since it is not a legal marriage I have no power or protection or rights.

However, she needs to proceed on the basis that she is not actually married instead of complaining about the fact

You don’t say 🙄

Fact - No one has said it’s of any practical use in this situation. But it’s obviously very important to you that you keep on pointing it out despite many others having got there before you from way back in the thread.

Agreed. It’s very unusual.

This is incorrect. He'd have the same right to divorce. Being married under uk law would not have delayed things as under islamic law you'd be divorced

The only thing would have been you would have had some protection in terms of finances.

Asking random people and then totally ignoring the really valuable advice they've given. Not once has she said she will talk a women's charity or a solicitor.

Instead it's I love him cos he's good looking.

I doubt op will be back. I don't think she's genuine. It's true even my 15 year old has covered the legalities of Islamic marriages in the eyes of UK law and that's not just in RS at school but also in the evening madrassa he attends.
Plus the husband also sounds clueless, the 3 month iddah starts after he's said talaq not before so why is he waiting another two weeks before issuing the divorce.
I was here to give genuine advice based on my Islamic knowledge but not Anymore

There is a correct way and incorrect way BOTH still count as divorce.

There isn't a way to delay. Speak to the imam at your local mosque.

I believe what the lady is referring to is your mehr which he is required to give you as per the nikkah nammah. He may already have given you this at the tine of marriage. Its not usually much tbh though you can ask for whatever you wish to be written.

He is not obliged to provide for you once you are divorced.

Again please consult an imam yourself. He has already done so so presumably is doing it the way the imam has advised.

What courts of Christian churches? No such animal...

OP, I think you need to forget all the issues of Islam in the marriage (although I totally understand how enormous they are for you) and just ask yourself what the point is in staying with someone who so clearly doesn’t want to be with you. I think it is so sad that, in this day and age, so many women seem to feel that the worst failure they could ever have in life is not to bag and keep a man - doesn’t matter what he’s like, just get one.
I know it may seem scary but I think you should get help with the practical bits like a financial deal and then look ahead to a new life which may be different to the one you expected to have but could still be wonderful.

Whilst i understand that you're upset.

Why should anyone be forced to stay in a marriage if they don't want to?

Yes divorce is disliked in Islam however it is allowed.

You were never legally married so an islamic divorce means nothing in the uk.
What you do need to do is start a claim for benefits until you can find work and start a claim for maintenance for the children.
Do it properly though and don't rely on the word of him or his family

What courts of Christian churches? No such animal...

@Timesawastin I think @2bazookas was referring to consistory courts - every diocese in the Church of England has one. It’s a very interesting animal, although they no longer deal with marital disputes. Some of the historical cases are fascinating.😊

What protection did you think you would get from the UK if you were not legally married in the UK?

The UK does recognise that you are married in Islamic Law but you know this.

This man sounds like no Muslim to me. I’m sorry but everyone goes on about not Muslim bashing! But I find Muslim men the most mysoginistic I’ve ever met. I grew up in a Northern mill town and I can tell you now the grooming, the married taxi drivers after young girls. There is no respect for women amongst the Muslim community.

There’s a mosque down the street from me and the men there are nice enough but they keep pestering me about walking my baby alone and how unsafe it is that I don’t have my husband with me. The only thing making me feel unsafe are the men that keep telling me I need to constantly be escorted by my husband. My husband works a lot and I’m trying to lose the baby weight and the exercise makes me feel better about myself. Wish they would just leave me alone if they have nothing else to offer in terms of conversation! 😑

Also their wives get so quiet when I show up. It makes me self conscious. Like why does the chattering die down and why are they staring? If I say hello they scatter like nervous teenagers. I wear a standard T-shirt and pants. They’ve lived here for years so they can’t even use culture shock as an excuse! It just seems rude and makes me feel like they are a bunch of gossips!

I’m sure they are harmless but they are not really making a good impression. 😒

I was under the impression UK laws would have helped me in saving the marriage and bought me some time

I can't imagine why you'd think that, since UK law doesn't compel peoples' consciences; the point of legal marriage here is that it offers the types of protection people have explained, which sadly you don't have because you're not legally married

Certainly Nikkahs could be recognised in the UK, but since the law applies equally to all there'd have to be compromise over some of Shariah's requirements, and I'm not sure how possible this would be

I'm not sure why PPs keep insisting you "must have known" though - after all countless threads appear from women who thought they'd got some kind of common law marriage with their live in partner, even though such a thing doesn't exist, and since you have a mum who's reluctant to speak about your problems among the community because of "shame", I'm quite prepared to believe she never taught you any of this

As so many have said you'd probably be best talking with one of the muslim womens' agencies suggested; you can't save the marriage (and that probably wouldn't be wise anyway) but hopefully they'll help you to come out of it in a better position than you're in now

Because many people have offered advise such as getting a solicitor especially one that has a knowledge of Islamic marriage laws and making sure she claims child maintenance but she continues to try to blame British law for allowing her husband to be able to walk away while trying to keep hold of someone who doesn’t love or respect or want her.

Has it occurred to you that you can't make someone not want a divorce? Maybe the other times he didn't have the courage to go through with it but still wanted to, and this time he has finally gone through with it. Yes it is seen as shameful in Islam that a husband left his family and I understand that culturally this gets put on the woman which is deeply unfair, but I think you're clutching at straws wanting to stop a divorce from someone who clearly does not want to stay with you. If you read back you seem in denial and almost sound like his mother saying that he doesn't know what he wants and that he needs more time to decide. What if he doesn't need more time because he has already decided and only went back before because you wouldn't accept his decision those times either? Why would you want to save a relationship with someone who clearly doesn't want to be with you? I know it's not much comfort but in western society people will view this completely the opposite, the shame is on the man for walking out on his family not the woman.

No love, we are anti arsehole - you get them in all religions and walks of life

The following is based on the fact that this is one of my practice areas:

A Nikah MAY be recognised in English law - it depends on many factors. OP needs to seek out a solicitor who specialises in this area (or at least has detailed experience of it) as they will need to go through everything that occurred, as the devil is in the detail. The OP MAY be legally married in English law - no one can tell as from my reading the OP hasn't given the detail required to make that determination.

The OP is entitled to her Mahr, if it wasn't already paid, so she should attend the meeting with the Imam to ensure that the Talaq meets the relevant requirements.

For the purpose of Sharia law, the OP is indeed married, and the Talaq is a divorce. Whether or not she is married under English law remains to be determined. If someone assesses all the facts and determines the Nikah is not a valid marriage in English law, then under English law she will be treated as a former cohabitee, with no financial settlement, no legal divorce, and entitled to claim child maintenance.

But if her Nikah is determined to be a valid marriage, then a formal English divorce will need to take place and a financial settlement can be applied for.

(I won't be answering specific questions, that would fall in the realms of giving legal advice and I don't do that for free - see a specialist solicitor.)

The OP MAY be legally married in English law - no one can tell as from my reading the OP hasn't given the detail required to make that determination.

Her very first sentence says "I have a Nikkah in the UK so it is not recognised as a civil marriage." She knows she had a religious-only marriage in the UK.

The shame is on him leaving his wife and kids not you. Hold you head high and try to live your best life possible, this is the best way to survive this. Show him that he is a weak man and that you are strong with or without him.

How would a Nikah be recognised as a legal marriage in the UK, genuine question. Does the marriage not need to be registered?

You are supposed to have a civil ceremony also. But if a man already has wife he’s gone through a Civil ceremony with he can’t go through another one as it would be bigamy.

It leaves a woman who’s agreed to become a second wife in the UK wide open to abuse as she’s ‘only’ a wife according to Islam.

OP if you're a Muslim you should know this.

Or if the Nikah happens in a country where it is legally valid, the UK will recognise it as a legal valid marriage.