Islamic divorce HELP

[aishaali]

I have a Nikkah in the UK so it is not recognised as a civil marriage. I have two kids and we were Islamically married for 4 years. My husband left me 2 months ago and has told me he has booked an Islamic divorce with an imam in 2 weeks time. He doesn’t pay any maintenance or anything, he has just left to live with his parents, and I am left with the 2 kids at home paying rent. The thing is I have no financial protection here or no rights whatsoever. I told him I won’t be attending the Islamic divorce because it is too soon. A legal divorce takes months, even years to settle, and somehow for an Islamic divorce he can literally sign a paper with an imam present and divorce me there and then. I said I will not attend to delay the divorce because we need to have childcare plans and financial arrangements in place. He said if I don’t attend the appointment in 2 weeks then apparently he is able to sign the forms without me and do the Islamic divorce without me even being present! He said women don’t get a say in islam so he will divorce me and send me a divorce paper through the post. How crazy is that? I feel so helpless. Ideally I wanted to save the marriage but I have no time and certainly no time to settle finances etc. Has any other Muslim woman with only an Islamic Nikkah ceremony been divorced by their husband without even being present at the mosque? Why do women in UK get no say in Islamic divorce? Since it is not a legal marriage I have no power or protection or rights.

Well yes anyone can leave a uk marriage at any point and you cant contest it.

Why on earth do you want to be married to a man who hits you, treats you like a servant, walks out multiple times and is unfaithful? Marriage is a partnership.

What is he bringing to the relationship apart from not having “the stigma of a divorce”

I bet OP was expecting to get completely different reactions.
But MN is here, trying to pick her up.

OP I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through.

I've also been married for 4 years (nikkah & civil) and have two kids with my husband.

Your husband sounds like a child. What kind of man leaves his wife and kids to go to stay at his mums and stops paying rent?

Yes, it'll be hard after your nikkah is over and you will have the stigma of divorce hanging over your head, but so what?

My mum was pregnant with my brother, and I was only 2 when my dad left her. 25 years later, she's still single, but she isn't trapped in her marriage.

She had no GCSEs or qualifications when she got divorced, and now she has a degree, owns her home and has an amazing life. It's been hard for her, but can you imagine the life my brother and I would have had being stuck in an abusive household just because my mum didn't want the stigma of divorce?

You will end up miserable in your marriage and your poor kids will suffer.

Because you don’t seem to realise that you don’t have a husband, and never have had one, and you are not married, and have never been. There’s no marriage to save -because you aren’t married. No solicitor can help. You can make a claim for child maintenance, which you must do.

This 👆

Put a claim in for child support and try and get an appointment with the citizens advice bureau.

And this is why UK law should be the only one applicable in the UK, not other religions feeling they can ride rough shod over the laws of the land.

The Muslim bashing being invited is SO blatant now.

Sorry you’re going through this OP - it’s a nightmare.

Been there, done that, got the text message informing me I was divorced after 69 days (I kid you not). I was glad to see the back of the fool especially when I discovered he’s got form for this sort of thing.

I consulted an Imam at the mosque to see if a text message saying “Inti taleq” was sufficient under Islamic law to effect an Islamic divorce and he told me that a text was classed as written intent, so that was enough and I was indeed divorced: by text!

If you wanted to get married again you’d have to wait three months or so (3 menstrual cycles) to make sure you’re not pregnant.

If you didn’t marry in the register office your nikkah doesn’t give you any legal protection. If this is the case, under the laws of England and Wales you’re not legally married, so therefore you can’t get a divorce. A solicitor won’t be able to help you with financial settlements and so on.

Make sure you make him pay child support.

In short, you don’t have to be present for him to divorce you and there’s nothing you can do to stop him.

I would make sure you get a copy of an Islamic divorce certificate in case you decide to marry again. My ex did all he could to avoid signing such a document (I wanted more than a text) so he had a shock when the Imam turned up at his place of work with two witnesses and a certificate during a busy shift. 😊

Good luck to you!

This man-eating you yet you insist on forcing him back. I hope social services finds out involved!

Beats!

Can your parents talk to the mosque on your behalf ? Why did your father okay the marriage knowing you had no legal protection?

Aly321 · 26/12/2022 14:14

I’m trying to think of all the reasons I can live without him. He used to hit me during arguments but I never thought anything of this cos he never used to hit me hard enough to leave a bruise or a mark and it didn’t necessarily hurt much. It was just like a slap or a kick. But googling things now I’ve realised that it is still abuse even if he didn’t hit me hard enough to leave a visible mark. So gathering all his laziness and abusive behaviour I am talking myself out of wanting him back just to have the typical nuclear family that my family expect.

@aishaali you need help!

@

No , you're not married. You need to claim maintenance though.

Because he doesn’t love you

No it is not a British issue, the UK is right not to recognize Islamic marriages because it is one sided and misogynistic. Your husband can literally chant a word 3 times and you’re out so why the hell would the UK government recognize that? The UK gives you the option to add a civil wedding so you’re legal and protected and you admitted in your earlier post rhag you didn’t want to do that. I’m sure you realize how short signed, naive and immature that decision was.

While I feel bad for your situation I’m not really sure what you want from this thread as all advice given is met with you wanting to find a way to stay married to a man who does not give a shit about you just so you can maintain face in your community.

You are not considered married in the uk so he cannot legally divorce you either. If you have been putting yourself as married on legal documents then that is wrong and you should seek to correct it. You should have also had a legal ceremony but that’s too late now.

Even in UK law he can leave you, married or not and can instigate a no-fault divorce.

It would buy you time if you were legally married but I'm not sure what for. He's gone and you're better off without him.

But claim for Child Maintenance asap.

Do you work? If not, he's leaving you homeless so you'll need to speak to your landlord and the council.

So sorry.

UK laws are the only laws applicable in the UK. What an odd comment.
It's not compulsory to be baptised but Christians do it because it's a sacrament according to the religious law. Is that riding rough shod over the laws of the land, or does that only apply to Muslims?

He really doesn't love you. There's no shame in splitting he's a twat and a poor father. Nikkahs aren't valid in the UK that's how the men with multiple wives get away with it. They aren't legally married. Update your UC claim to single. Claim child maintenance and change the locks.

I like you😁. I guess you have a more supportive family than she does. Her family are shaming her.

I think you need to contact an Islamic women’s organisation - there might be one local or national who can help you. Both for advice but also a hand hold from other’s who may have been through similar, and possibly advice on childcare and your own support. Sorry I can’t be more helpful, but you will get through this. I’ve been a single parent, I just focused on being a good parent, having good friends, got closer to my own family, I took a big wage hit as changed to part-time work, it bought me back to basics.

The divorce isn’t valid in UK law as your Nikkah isn’t valid in UK law. It’s a religious ceremony only.
But you have right —- he can say any words he wants to “divorce” you but it does NOT absolve him from being a father with responsibilities. He can be made to support his children, and possibly you as well.

it’s essential you see a solicitor asap. DON’T listen to any rubbish your husband spouts about not having to do this or that, a solicitor will tell you the truth.
Known several Muslim women screwed over by their husbands, most realised the only way was to get tough and fight for their own and their kids rights.

Please contact the imams at Dewsbury markaz@aishaali
They will make sure he attends mediation so you can both present your case, he for divorce and you yours.
Sure he can just say talaq but they will try to put a hold on it as best they can.
They'll not grant it if he doesn't attend the mediation or they will at least advise you on what's best
I'll try and find the details if I can