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Original poster

DP's friend sent photographs of me to DP to infer I am cheating

223 replies

WhiteJoshsBiceps · 02/02/2023 14:24

Please bear with me, this is a weird situation. It's so childish that I feel daft writing this but I needed an outlet for my frustrations.
I'm really angry so I'm sorry if this is all garbled, I've tried to put it in some kind of order.

DP's friend - Jon - has always hated me and has always been convinced that I would cheat on DP.

Jon has recently moved into our neighbourhood.

Last weekend, I had a PT session in my local park (now Jon's local park too). My PT is martial arts so has quite a bit more contact than other PT activities. I mean, its not just a bloke shouting instructions from 2m away while you lift weights or do star jumps. It involves body contact, touching each other, being close etc.

I didn't know at the time but Jon saw me having my PT session. And he took photographs of it which he has now sent to DP with messages asking DP if he was happy with me behaving like that with a young male model (my PT is also a part-time model).

DP's at work but has sent me screenshots of what Jon has sent with a jokey message. Then he sent a follow up message saying it was a shit thing for Jon to do but that I look great 🤗

So DP's clearly not bothered. And he needn't be. There's nothing going on with my PT. I do absolutely love my PT for all kinds of reasons, and me and DP have a running joke about my PT being basically a perfect man. Me and PT have a great relationship for all kinds of reasons but there's absolutely nothing sexual going on.

But I'm absolutely livid. I can't complain too much about him taking photographs because we were in public. But he's clearly sent DP ones that could be misread (where me and PT are very close, touching, one where he's got his arm round my shoulders) and is trying to infer I'm doing something wrong. I'm not. And if I was, would I really do it in my local park? I know everyone in the park because I walk the dog there, I go for coffee at the cafe regularly with friends and I do PT in there. Not exactly the most discreet place for a quick bunk-up.

I plan to stay the fuck out of it, to let DP talk to Jon, to stay dignified, stay quiet. If I contact Jon, he'll read my anger as guilt. I will do. This is the right thing to do isn't it?

Thanks for reading, I just really to let off steam.

OP posts:
thailandorbust · 02/02/2023 17:45

Job is bonkers clearly. Good to read that your DP sees it for what it is and thinks/knows it's ridiculous. I think Jon has a crush on your DP. Your DP needs to have a stern conversation with Jon and tell him to stay out of your relationship.
Hoping Jon finds a boyfriend soon and backs off - what a knob!

HelloTreacle9 · 02/02/2023 17:45

Creepy Jon is definitely an incel and very possibly a closeted gay/bi man who is insanely jealous of you. Taking pictures of you training in the park is massively weird and out of order. And I also thinking moving to the same town is deeply sus, popular area or not. Your DP sounds solid; he needs to tell Jon to back right off.

been and done it. · 02/02/2023 17:46

Notjusta · 02/02/2023 14:36

I also think Jon maybe in love/obsessed with you.

Think he might be more obsessed with her OH

Biscuits1011 · 02/02/2023 17:48

Notjusta · 02/02/2023 14:36

In your shoes I would be expecting my partner to tell Jon that the friendship was over immediately.

This.

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 02/02/2023 17:53

Cocobutt · 02/02/2023 17:16

In your shoes I would be expecting my partner to tell Jon that the friendship was over immediately.

I completely disagree and I’m really surprised by the replies on here.

If I thought my friends boyfriend was cheating on her then I would 100% tell her.

I have done this before and he was actually cheating.

Of course I could have looked like I was stirring or jealous but I think most people on here would tell their friend if they saw her partner with his hands all over some strange women in the middle of a public place.

Even if they were quite clearly in the park doing an exercise session?

twinmum2007 · 02/02/2023 17:59

Or with your DH. Or is just a nasty piece of work. Either way you need to.let DH deal with it or it will go toxic.

twinmum2007 · 02/02/2023 18:00

That was supposed to quote the PP suggesting Jon is infatuated with the OP.

LaLaLaLaLolaaa · 02/02/2023 18:02

My DH's ex-best friend was a bit like this. Had a hatred of me right from the off even though I'd never done anything wrong. He used to make out that because me and DH argued sometimes (who doesn't?) that I was totally wrong for him and he used to send disgusting texts to my DH encouraging him to cheat on me. It came to a head during DH's stag do when ex-best friend spent the whole weekend trying to convince my DH to call the wedding off despite DH's other friends rightly sticking up for me and our relationship. My DH had to cut contact afterwards. I'm totally convinced he had feelings for my DH. It sounds like it could be the case for your DH's friend too.

Crikeyisthatthetime · 02/02/2023 18:03

Cocobutt · 02/02/2023 17:43

Either that or he's in love with your DP.

Or he’s just looking out for his friend.

OP admits she has a reputation and got with DP by cheating on her ex - usually MN says once a cheat, always a cheat.

I am surprised so many people would see their friend’s husband (who’s a known cheat and has a reputation for sleeping around) being touchy feely with an unknown attractive woman and not bother telling their friends about it.

Is that you Jon?

WombsofWimbledon · 02/02/2023 18:03

And he took photographs of it which he has now sent to DP with messages asking DP if he was happy with me behaving like that with a young male model (my PT is also a part-time model).

If he actually used the words above “if he was happy with me behaving like that” then it’s actually kind of worse. It’s not, as people have suggested above, a concerned friend just gently suggesting they’ve seen evidence of cheating - but more ‘are you ok with your property acting in an unladylike way disrespecting you in public’ type thing. Incel type stuff. Yuck.

WombsofWimbledon · 02/02/2023 18:04

Cocobutt · 02/02/2023 17:43

Either that or he's in love with your DP.

Or he’s just looking out for his friend.

OP admits she has a reputation and got with DP by cheating on her ex - usually MN says once a cheat, always a cheat.

I am surprised so many people would see their friend’s husband (who’s a known cheat and has a reputation for sleeping around) being touchy feely with an unknown attractive woman and not bother telling their friends about it.

Dear Jon,

Women are allowed out in public, with other men.

Love,
2023

watchfulwishes · 02/02/2023 18:08

I think I would ask my DP to send Jon a message saying that what he did was out of order and that if he does it again the pair of you will view it as harassment.

It is a very weird thing to do and I don't think you should make too light of it.

user1501270679 · 02/02/2023 18:12

Jon is in love with, or at the very least inappropriately possessive of the OP's DP.

FWIW I have a friend who never liked another friend's gf, who he eventually married. The feeling was mutual, and friend was fairly clear about his feelings, but the friend never, ever did anything to try to convince the other that he should end the relationship etc.

However, when the marriage did eventually end... because she had been cheating on her husband with her PT... there was a fairly big I told you so... In between genuine support etc.

AlisonDonut · 02/02/2023 18:13

Jon needs to fuck off and shove his photos up his arse and if he is seen taking photos of you again you will be reporting him to the police for stalking.

Janbohonut · 02/02/2023 18:13

In your shoes I would ring Jon up and give him a mouthful.
I say that as someone who put up with way too much from one of my DH's friends for way too long. We moved away but if we move back there will be much firmer boundaries in place. What the friend needs to realise is that my DH is married to me, and is never going to f* him. But he's too repressed to admit his feelings so projects all over me.

OntarioBagnet · 02/02/2023 18:14

ouch321 · 02/02/2023 17:17

He's looking out for his friend. That is not a bad thing.

-1 for the stealth boast though.

But he isn’t. Because he specifically only sent the pictures which made it look worse. As he was there watching it in real ti e he would have known it was just a training session.

ShandaLear · 02/02/2023 18:16

I witnessed a weird ‘love’ triangle like this when a (male) friend of mine started dating this insanely good looking woman (a former model and the living image of the blonde woman in Abba). His friend used to slag her off behind her back constantly, even though she had done nothing wrong, was he always trying to get his friend to go out without her, was always insinuating that she would cheat on him and was even rude to her, to her face. She was lovely - kind, funny, and an all round good egg. I concluded that he was jealous - he didn’t want my friend to have a really hot girlfriend because he knew he could never get one - and in his own eyes he’d ‘lost’ some sort of competition because his friend had landed, and was really happy with, a ‘high value’ person. Could that be the case here? It sounds like you are attractive and take care of yourself and he resent your DP his good fortune.

NewUserName2023 · 02/02/2023 18:16

If he stood there watching your class long enough to take photos he'd know it's a class and is shit stirring. Why? He prob has feelings for your DH.

ShakespearesBlister · 02/02/2023 18:20

I have a feeling there's a back story? I'm trying to picture a context where a personal trainer would need to be crossing the boundaries of touching you physically in the ways you describe and I just can't see it? Why is it necessary?

user1501270679 · 02/02/2023 18:22

@ShakespearesBlister never had a personal trainer or yoga instructor make adjustments?

Cocobutt · 02/02/2023 18:27

(where me and PT are very close, touching, one where he's got his arm round my shoulders)

But he isn’t. Because he specifically only sent the pictures which made it look worse. As he was there watching it in real ti e he would have known it was just a training session.

There’s a big difference between inappropriate touching and readjusting your position.

If my friend thought my boyfriend was being inappropriate with his pretty female PT then I’d want to be told.

MN is so funny sometimes because if OP had posted that she’d been sent photos of her boyfriend being touchy, feely with his PT then everyone would be saying it’s fishy.

user1501270679 · 02/02/2023 18:32

But it isn't somebody saying their partner was caught in a compromising position with somebody else in public, OP is the one who has been set up to look like she was in a compromising position!

While OP does not deserve to be stalked by this weirdo wanker Jon under any circumstances, I do wonder if her tedious 'my perfect, part-time model, beautiful, hands-on PT who I love soo soo soo much... BUT NOT LIKE THAT' bollocks has been picked up on by jealous Jon and has created a bit of an open goal?

Comeonbarbiebrianharvey · 02/02/2023 18:32

How did he know he's a model? Did you tell him or has he looked him up on social media?

On that basis does PT usually use that park for training? i.e. was Jon deliberately in the park to look out for you?!

unsync · 02/02/2023 18:39

Jon is jealous of you and your relationship with DH.

TheLastDreamOfTheOak · 02/02/2023 18:42

Jon sounds like a nutter. Lovely use of the term 'bunk up'. I'm the only person I know who uses the regularly so it's nice to see it in print so to speak.