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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP's friend sent photographs of me to DP to infer I am cheating

223 replies

WhiteJoshsBiceps · 02/02/2023 14:24

Please bear with me, this is a weird situation. It's so childish that I feel daft writing this but I needed an outlet for my frustrations.
I'm really angry so I'm sorry if this is all garbled, I've tried to put it in some kind of order.

DP's friend - Jon - has always hated me and has always been convinced that I would cheat on DP.

Jon has recently moved into our neighbourhood.

Last weekend, I had a PT session in my local park (now Jon's local park too). My PT is martial arts so has quite a bit more contact than other PT activities. I mean, its not just a bloke shouting instructions from 2m away while you lift weights or do star jumps. It involves body contact, touching each other, being close etc.

I didn't know at the time but Jon saw me having my PT session. And he took photographs of it which he has now sent to DP with messages asking DP if he was happy with me behaving like that with a young male model (my PT is also a part-time model).

DP's at work but has sent me screenshots of what Jon has sent with a jokey message. Then he sent a follow up message saying it was a shit thing for Jon to do but that I look great 🤗

So DP's clearly not bothered. And he needn't be. There's nothing going on with my PT. I do absolutely love my PT for all kinds of reasons, and me and DP have a running joke about my PT being basically a perfect man. Me and PT have a great relationship for all kinds of reasons but there's absolutely nothing sexual going on.

But I'm absolutely livid. I can't complain too much about him taking photographs because we were in public. But he's clearly sent DP ones that could be misread (where me and PT are very close, touching, one where he's got his arm round my shoulders) and is trying to infer I'm doing something wrong. I'm not. And if I was, would I really do it in my local park? I know everyone in the park because I walk the dog there, I go for coffee at the cafe regularly with friends and I do PT in there. Not exactly the most discreet place for a quick bunk-up.

I plan to stay the fuck out of it, to let DP talk to Jon, to stay dignified, stay quiet. If I contact Jon, he'll read my anger as guilt. I will do. This is the right thing to do isn't it?

Thanks for reading, I just really to let off steam.

OP posts:
Sucessinthenewyear · 02/02/2023 17:12

Notjusta · 02/02/2023 14:36

I also think Jon maybe in love/obsessed with you.

Or in love with DP.

2bazookas · 02/02/2023 17:14

What a creepy arsehole. Leave it to your DH, and stay stum.

Why did Jon come to live so near you and DH? Which one of you is he stalking...ick

mommatoone · 02/02/2023 17:14

Jon sounds like a complete 🔔 end. I dont think i could keep my gob shut- id be having words!👊🏻

ResearchMakesMeCry · 02/02/2023 17:15

YRGAM · 02/02/2023 16:53

I'd put good money on a heavy Andrew Tate presence in Jon's YouTube history

Agreed

Tomeeornottomee · 02/02/2023 17:16

Been in your position OP. DH was more than happy to drop his "Jon" when he started spouting stuff that just wasn't true. For example saying I had slept with one of DHs friends when I was an underage teenager. It backfired when we bumped into that friend and DH had to introduce me because he didn't know who I was.

Cocobutt · 02/02/2023 17:16

In your shoes I would be expecting my partner to tell Jon that the friendship was over immediately.

I completely disagree and I’m really surprised by the replies on here.

If I thought my friends boyfriend was cheating on her then I would 100% tell her.

I have done this before and he was actually cheating.

Of course I could have looked like I was stirring or jealous but I think most people on here would tell their friend if they saw her partner with his hands all over some strange women in the middle of a public place.

ouch321 · 02/02/2023 17:17

He's looking out for his friend. That is not a bad thing.

-1 for the stealth boast though.

Cherryblossoms85 · 02/02/2023 17:21

John's deffo gay and really weird. Question is, does he fancy the DP or the PT?

georgarina · 02/02/2023 17:25

So Jon is obsessed and stalking you?

I would get a good security system for my house, not joking.

WombsofWimbledon · 02/02/2023 17:25

ResearchMakesMeCry · 02/02/2023 17:15

Agreed

Show quote history

Yep, which probably means he’s also feeling inferior to a fit PT. Jon also perhaps has a room with a million pictures of you and your DP plastered all over it (this last bit is a joke!)

I’d think possibly of the police, at least get your husband to save the messages and pictures. I doubt something as bold as this is the first or last thing he’ll do.

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 02/02/2023 17:26

francopan · 02/02/2023 16:17

I feel like Jon needs a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, or a pet, or a new hobby. And definitely a new house.

noo don't inflict Jon on an innocent living creature. He needs therapy and/or a police caution.

Blackfleece · 02/02/2023 17:27

SchoolTripDrama · 02/02/2023 16:02

So you're doing Martial Arts in the cold and (usually) wet, as it has been for weeks & weeks

Show quote history

Where I live in the UK we've had some lovely sunny days. Hasn't rained for a while either.

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 02/02/2023 17:28

Blackfleece · 02/02/2023 17:27

Where I live in the UK we've had some lovely sunny days. Hasn't rained for a while either.

Show quote history

Yeah it was 12 degrees here at lunchtime! Not remotely cold or wet.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 02/02/2023 17:29

Next session wear a top that says
-Fuck off Jon - on it.

WilsonMilson · 02/02/2023 17:32

Nah, fuck that. I would have it out with Jon and tell him to stay out of your marriage. I would also expect your husband to back you up and end the friendship with this tosser.
My DH would be FURIOUS if anyone did the same.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 02/02/2023 17:34

Are you

UdoU · 02/02/2023 17:34

And he took photographs of it which he has now sent to DP with messages asking DP if he was happy with me behaving like that with a young male model (my PT is also a part-time model).

How does Jon know PT is a model?

Sluttypants · 02/02/2023 17:36

SchoolTripDrama · 02/02/2023 16:02

So you're doing Martial Arts in the cold and (usually) wet, as it has been for weeks & weeks

Show quote history

Offs. Why wouldn’t she? I still go out in the cold and rain

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 02/02/2023 17:37

Sorry sent too quick. Are you sure John doesn't fancy you. I could be wildly wrong but resentment can stem from wanting something you can't have. He seems very very over invested in you.

Sandra1984 · 02/02/2023 17:37

Notjusta · 02/02/2023 14:36

I also think Jon maybe in love/obsessed with you.

No. I think Jon is in love with the OP’s husband. If I were her I would send him a message: “hi Jon, I know you’re desperate to get into my husbands pants and will do anything to separate us (even if that involves taking creepy pictures of me while I exercise), just to let you know we had a great laugh with the pics and your chances of hooking up with him are very very slim..”

Theunamedcat · 02/02/2023 17:38

SchoolTripDrama · 02/02/2023 16:02

So you're doing Martial Arts in the cold and (usually) wet, as it has been for weeks & weeks

Show quote history

Are you in Scotland? I'm in the Midlands our marsh paths have dried up these last few weeks and I've been hanging my washing out since January 🙃

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 02/02/2023 17:38

Either that or he's in love with your DP.

nonevernotever · 02/02/2023 17:42

Here in Scotland I've been doing my PT and going to bootcamp in the local park too. Worst that happens is I get a bit wet and muddy.....

Cocobutt · 02/02/2023 17:43

Either that or he's in love with your DP.

Or he’s just looking out for his friend.

OP admits she has a reputation and got with DP by cheating on her ex - usually MN says once a cheat, always a cheat.

I am surprised so many people would see their friend’s husband (who’s a known cheat and has a reputation for sleeping around) being touchy feely with an unknown attractive woman and not bother telling their friends about it.

Greatly · 02/02/2023 17:45

I would be contacting Jon myself and asking him what the hell he thought he was doing.