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Original poster

Boyfriends mum told me he didnt want to be with me.

233 replies

Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 00:39

Am in relationship of 2 years. We are in late 30's. Was in the pub with boyfriend and his mum and she was generally saying that he does what he wants to do and isn't really good boyfriend material she then started shouting that he doesn't want to be with me. I asked him directly and he wouldn't answer the question and i kept asking and she was shouting he doesn't want to be with you and so I said I wanted to hear from the organ grinder and not the monkey and asked him again directly - he told me she was winding things up so I asked him again and he said 'I don't know' he then ran away to a friends house. The next day I asked him why he didn't stick up for me and he said he's lost his voice and of course he does want to be with me, loves me more than anyone and hopes to marry me one day. He tried to belittle what had happened saying his mum was on the wind up - to me it was sick. Wat would you make of it?

OP posts:
ThePear · 03/02/2023 16:25

You’re still communicating with him? This thread is giving huge second hand embarrassment just reading it. Following around some dole mamas freak to chauffeur him, plead, provide him with utilities and sex. Mortifying.

What steps will you take to raise your standards of what’s bare minimum decency from future boyfriends?

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 03/02/2023 18:17

ThePear · 03/02/2023 16:25

You’re still communicating with him? This thread is giving huge second hand embarrassment just reading it. Following around some dole mamas freak to chauffeur him, plead, provide him with utilities and sex. Mortifying.

What steps will you take to raise your standards of what’s bare minimum decency from future boyfriends?

Yes, when you put it like that I do feel embarrassed and stupid.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 03/02/2023 18:31

Captaincaveman7 · 03/02/2023 18:17

Yes, when you put it like that I do feel embarrassed and stupid.

Show quote history

Expect him to possibly come round.

It is likely he will miss all you offer for free, eventually.

It reads as so sad that you have been so used.

User losers really are ten a penny.

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 03/02/2023 18:35

billy1966 · 03/02/2023 18:31

Expect him to possibly come round.

It is likely he will miss all you offer for free, eventually.

It reads as so sad that you have been so used.

User losers really are ten a penny.

Show quote history

How do you know when someone is using you? He seemed genuine.

OP posts:
OrderOfTheKookaburra · 03/02/2023 18:38

First clue would be contributing financially so that you're not always out of pocket.

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 03/02/2023 18:56

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 03/02/2023 18:38

First clue would be contributing financially so that you're not always out of pocket.

Yep I've been very stupid. I did tell him he needs to out some money in but it never happened. God I feel like the biggest stupidest mug. I can't believe people fake their feelings just to get a roof over their head. I feel sick.

OP posts:
AllOfThemWitches · 03/02/2023 19:05

Late 30s!?!?

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 03/02/2023 19:12

AllOfThemWitches · 03/02/2023 19:05

Late 30s!?!?

He thinks i'm being petty - to him it was just his mum being bored and pissed. General consensus it that I was being used and slagged off to his mum at the same time. I feel utterly sick.

OP posts:
2023a · 03/02/2023 19:16

Captaincaveman7 · 03/02/2023 19:12

He thinks i'm being petty - to him it was just his mum being bored and pissed. General consensus it that I was being used and slagged off to his mum at the same time. I feel utterly sick.

Show quote history

Are you still engaging with this idiot?! Why?!

I wish I was your mate irl, so I could come round and give you a shake. Stop this!

AllOfThemWitches · 03/02/2023 19:22

Captaincaveman7 · 03/02/2023 19:12

He thinks i'm being petty - to him it was just his mum being bored and pissed. General consensus it that I was being used and slagged off to his mum at the same time. I feel utterly sick.

Show quote history

It's actually quite disgusting that he's that old and has mummy issues like this. Two years feels like a long time when you spend a lot of time with someone but in the great scheme of things, it isn't. It would be better to never have children than have one with this creature, trust me.

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 03/02/2023 19:28

2023a · 03/02/2023 19:16

Are you still engaging with this idiot?! Why?!

I wish I was your mate irl, so I could come round and give you a shake. Stop this!

Show quote history

I know you want to shake me lol. His phone is broken and he is asking me via the friend for staff numbers now. Doesn't understand how i could still be upset about what happened, cannot see that his relationship with his mother is dysfunctional. Apparently i am being petty. I asked when his friend was coming round to pick up his stuff - no reply.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 03/02/2023 19:29

Text his friend that his stuffs all outside to be collected and you're not going to communicate with him anymore, then block him.

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 03/02/2023 19:31

AllOfThemWitches · 03/02/2023 19:22

It's actually quite disgusting that he's that old and has mummy issues like this. Two years feels like a long time when you spend a lot of time with someone but in the great scheme of things, it isn't. It would be better to never have children than have one with this creature, trust me.

Show quote history

There would be no children, I already have one and so does he. He is in complete denial about the mummy issues. An hour on the phone every day to her, she told his child's mother all our private business, about fallings out we have had etc, they talked for 2 hours and his mum made me out to be a complete psycho. But she was forgiven. She arranged for him to be away from me on our anniversary. She is cruel and he lets her away with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 03/02/2023 19:33

GoodChat · 03/02/2023 19:29

Text his friend that his stuffs all outside to be collected and you're not going to communicate with him anymore, then block him.

Is it legal to put someone's things outside?

OP posts:
AllOfThemWitches · 03/02/2023 19:37

Captaincaveman7 · 03/02/2023 19:31

There would be no children, I already have one and so does he. He is in complete denial about the mummy issues. An hour on the phone every day to her, she told his child's mother all our private business, about fallings out we have had etc, they talked for 2 hours and his mum made me out to be a complete psycho. But she was forgiven. She arranged for him to be away from me on our anniversary. She is cruel and he lets her away with it.

Show quote history

Sorry, think I got the kids thing from another thread, been a long day!

In that case, it would be better to be single for eternity than continue any sort of relationship with this absolute bell end. I promise you can fill your time with much more worthwhile pursuits! Good luck to you :)

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 03/02/2023 19:55

Thank you all for your replies, general consensus is that he does want to split up but is too coward to say it and that he has been telling his mum that behind my back. I have been used and taken for a bit of a mug. He comes from a toxic family and cannot really see what the issue is as his mum was just 'bored and pissed'. I have told him to collect his stuff. He has sent me the odd lackadaisical message to say he is sorry and loves me etc but not gone out of his way other than that in any way shape or form. Thank you for your advice, I know I have been naive - but it hurts. Thanks for the support and advice ladies.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 03/02/2023 20:55

Of course it's legal.

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 03/02/2023 23:25

GoodChat · 03/02/2023 20:55

Of course it's legal.

OK have told him and put stuff outside

OP posts:
billy1966 · 04/02/2023 00:11

Ah OP, you have a child?

Only the really lowest of the low Jeremy Kyle pond life scum, would take a penny, not to mind live off a single mother.

Your poor child.

You both deserve better.

We all can be used an make mistakes, the key thing is not to keep repeating them.

Learn from this.

MichaelKeaton · 04/02/2023 00:26

Oh god, OP. I’m really worried you’re going to keep lines of communication open with this complete scumbag and he’ll be back before long.

ThePear · 04/02/2023 02:16

Oh no, you’ve made your kid be involved in your dating this specimen?! That’s awful. Your child deserves a safe home, free from whomever you are having sex with, you should not inflict your sexual partner on your child, you’ve shown extremely poor decision making over a prolonged period so it’s imperative that your kid is prioritised. No analysing shitty blokes. No ‘he texted me-‘-urgently you need to parent your kid and not date anyone. At all. Until you’ve done huge work on your standards and keep the next one away from your kid. This is basic.

emptythelitterbox · 04/02/2023 04:30

How do you know someone's using you?

There are many men who target single mums.

First sign is they want to rush things.

One sign is that they are all talk and very little action.

Another is their situation. Some urgent to them situation where they need a place to stay, yours or needing some money, yours.

In debt, irresponsible, doesn't seem to stay in one job long, drink or drug issues, ex is crazy.

And block this arsehole.

emptythelitterbox · 04/02/2023 04:31

Captaincaveman7 · 03/02/2023 13:30

I know - and he cant even see its a problem, just says she was bored.

Show quote history

That's because he is toxic just like the rest if his family.

LAMPS1 · 04/02/2023 09:28

You are still trying to convince him that he’s been the problem.
You will never convince him. He will never apologise and will never genuinely agree to improve his behaviour/thinking. Even if he did, he wouldn’t mean it. He doesn’t even want you back …he just wants to use your home and your favours. He knows no better. You can’t educate him or fix him or improve him or make him change. And you can’t change the past. And you can’t change his toxic family.

Please see sense OP. Stop communicating with him. This is one of those situations where you just have to accept the injustice and put it down to experience, giving it no more head space. And swiftly move on from it never to revisit it ever again. No room for sentimentality or forgiveness or hope that he will suddenly see sense. Be sure of that in your own mind. Put yourself first and waste no more time on him. Put the whole thing behind you and look forward to a better future with a whole lot more wisdom under your belt. You are really letting yourself down if you don’t.

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 04/02/2023 11:04

LAMPS1 · 04/02/2023 09:28

You are still trying to convince him that he’s been the problem.
You will never convince him. He will never apologise and will never genuinely agree to improve his behaviour/thinking. Even if he did, he wouldn’t mean it. He doesn’t even want you back …he just wants to use your home and your favours. He knows no better. You can’t educate him or fix him or improve him or make him change. And you can’t change the past. And you can’t change his toxic family.

Please see sense OP. Stop communicating with him. This is one of those situations where you just have to accept the injustice and put it down to experience, giving it no more head space. And swiftly move on from it never to revisit it ever again. No room for sentimentality or forgiveness or hope that he will suddenly see sense. Be sure of that in your own mind. Put yourself first and waste no more time on him. Put the whole thing behind you and look forward to a better future with a whole lot more wisdom under your belt. You are really letting yourself down if you don’t.

I will. I have some responsibilities in his business that he has recently started up so I am handing them over and then I can cut ties.

OP posts:
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