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Original poster

Boyfriends mum told me he didnt want to be with me.

233 replies

Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 00:39

Am in relationship of 2 years. We are in late 30's. Was in the pub with boyfriend and his mum and she was generally saying that he does what he wants to do and isn't really good boyfriend material she then started shouting that he doesn't want to be with me. I asked him directly and he wouldn't answer the question and i kept asking and she was shouting he doesn't want to be with you and so I said I wanted to hear from the organ grinder and not the monkey and asked him again directly - he told me she was winding things up so I asked him again and he said 'I don't know' he then ran away to a friends house. The next day I asked him why he didn't stick up for me and he said he's lost his voice and of course he does want to be with me, loves me more than anyone and hopes to marry me one day. He tried to belittle what had happened saying his mum was on the wind up - to me it was sick. Wat would you make of it?

OP posts:
2023a · 02/02/2023 01:08

Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 01:02

Not a joke, she gets pissed and mouths off, he has a weird attachment to her and is kind of afraid of her, I thought we were in a happy relationship.

Show quote history

That poster wasn’t questioning whether his mum’s behaviour was a joke. She was talking about the fact that you’re tolerating this bullshit.

Opentooffers · 02/02/2023 01:08

If it was that horrendous, why are you not breaking up with him? You live together but you haven't seen him for 3 days, so looks to me like his mum was right.
It's sad to take your mum to the pub with you at that age unless its her birthday maybe. He's such a wimp that he got his mum to say it lol. If he disagreed, he would of told you on the night. See it for what it is. He is that pathetic, it's no loss.

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 01:12

Opentooffers · 02/02/2023 01:08

If it was that horrendous, why are you not breaking up with him? You live together but you haven't seen him for 3 days, so looks to me like his mum was right.
It's sad to take your mum to the pub with you at that age unless its her birthday maybe. He's such a wimp that he got his mum to say it lol. If he disagreed, he would of told you on the night. See it for what it is. He is that pathetic, it's no loss.

I did tell him to f off but he has been soft soaping and trying to make excuses and almost gaslighting me to try to convince me that it was all a joke. Thats why I needed to run it past people. He has accommodation at the pub where he works but usually lives with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 01:14

2023a · 02/02/2023 01:08

That poster wasn’t questioning whether his mum’s behaviour was a joke. She was talking about the fact that you’re tolerating this bullshit.

Show quote history

I went home and then the next day I asked him why he said nothing, he said she had been drilling his head and he zoned out. I had said something earlier that night that annoyed him and he used that as an excuse for not standing up for me. Its not a joke, its a 2 year relationship and its hard when someone wont tell you straight, has a weird toxic mother and when too much drink is involved.

OP posts:
2023a · 02/02/2023 01:20

Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 01:14

I went home and then the next day I asked him why he said nothing, he said she had been drilling his head and he zoned out. I had said something earlier that night that annoyed him and he used that as an excuse for not standing up for me. Its not a joke, its a 2 year relationship and its hard when someone wont tell you straight, has a weird toxic mother and when too much drink is involved.

Show quote history

I’m going to copy/paste, as I’ve already said this. What could he possibly say that could make this okay? Nothing. So why even have the conversation?

And what do you need him to ‘tell you straight’? His mother isn’t your problem, he is. And if you don’t end it, you’re your problem as well.

Why are you incapable of breaking up with this man? Why do you need him to dump you?

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 02/02/2023 01:21

This sounds like an episode of Jeremy Kyle. Finish with him for good.

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 01:22

2023a · 02/02/2023 01:20

I’m going to copy/paste, as I’ve already said this. What could he possibly say that could make this okay? Nothing. So why even have the conversation?

And what do you need him to ‘tell you straight’? His mother isn’t your problem, he is. And if you don’t end it, you’re your problem as well.

Why are you incapable of breaking up with this man? Why do you need him to dump you?

Show quote history

I don't need him to dump me, but I wasn't planning on dumping him - I thought we were happy and so I just want to know that that was his intention and not just the fact that she doesn't like me

OP posts:
Saschka · 02/02/2023 01:23

FFS, in words of one syllable - you asked him if he wanted to break up with you, and he didn’t say “no”. He just looked shifty and avoided answering. That means yes, he does want to split up with you. So dump him. There is literally nothing that could excuse his behaviour, it is cowardly and insulting. Get rid of him.

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 01:23

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 02/02/2023 01:21

This sounds like an episode of Jeremy Kyle. Finish with him for good.

His family are like that - all get pissed and wind each other up. Im not used to it, my family are normal.

OP posts:
Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 01:25

Saschka · 02/02/2023 01:23

FFS, in words of one syllable - you asked him if he wanted to break up with you, and he didn’t say “no”. He just looked shifty and avoided answering. That means yes, he does want to split up with you. So dump him. There is literally nothing that could excuse his behaviour, it is cowardly and insulting. Get rid of him.

Ok thank you, yes that makes sense, its just because we were getting along fine that I found it hard to come to that conclusion myself. Some people are so deceitful.

OP posts:
2023a · 02/02/2023 01:28

Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 01:22

I don't need him to dump me, but I wasn't planning on dumping him - I thought we were happy and so I just want to know that that was his intention and not just the fact that she doesn't like me

Show quote history

Jesus Christ. He doesn’t want to be with you. It’s been made crystal clear. Now you have the option of ending it yourself, getting it over with and keeping what’s left of your dignity intact. Or you can send him loads of texts, mope and wait for him to either ‘tell you straight’ and dump you, of string you along a bit (as it’s rare to find someone who has so little self respect) and then dump you.

You’ve clearly decided to do the latter and are not going to listen to what anyone says on here, so what did you post for, exactly?

2023a · 02/02/2023 01:30

Is this post a windup? I’m getting quite annoyed now.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/02/2023 01:30

Its not a joke, its a 2 year relationship and its hard when someone wont tell you straight, has a weird toxic mother and when too much drink is involved.

The trick with nutty drunks is... don't go to the pub with them.

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 01:30

2023a · 02/02/2023 01:28

Jesus Christ. He doesn’t want to be with you. It’s been made crystal clear. Now you have the option of ending it yourself, getting it over with and keeping what’s left of your dignity intact. Or you can send him loads of texts, mope and wait for him to either ‘tell you straight’ and dump you, of string you along a bit (as it’s rare to find someone who has so little self respect) and then dump you.

You’ve clearly decided to do the latter and are not going to listen to what anyone says on here, so what did you post for, exactly?

Show quote history

I posted on here because when I asked him the next day he said of course he doesnt want to split up, we have a 2 year relationship and his mum is toxic. I am listening to advice, I only posted an hour ago.

OP posts:
Saschka · 02/02/2023 01:31

Sounds like he has been telling his awful mother that he didn’t want to go out with you. behind your back, while telling you he loves you to your face.

Which is the shitty icing on a shitty cake, IMO. You should be more angry about this than you are.

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 01:32

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/02/2023 01:30

Its not a joke, its a 2 year relationship and its hard when someone wont tell you straight, has a weird toxic mother and when too much drink is involved.

The trick with nutty drunks is... don't go to the pub with them.

Lol true

OP posts:
2023a · 02/02/2023 01:32

Saschka · 02/02/2023 01:31

Sounds like he has been telling his awful mother that he didn’t want to go out with you. behind your back, while telling you he loves you to your face.

Which is the shitty icing on a shitty cake, IMO. You should be more angry about this than you are.

She’s not angry at all. If he comes back and doesn’t dump her, she’s 100% staying with this man until he does.

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 01:33

Saschka · 02/02/2023 01:31

Sounds like he has been telling his awful mother that he didn’t want to go out with you. behind your back, while telling you he loves you to your face.

Which is the shitty icing on a shitty cake, IMO. You should be more angry about this than you are.

Yes that's what it feels like. To my face he loves me more than anyone he has ever loved but must be slating me to her.

OP posts:
2023a · 02/02/2023 01:33

Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 01:30

I posted on here because when I asked him the next day he said of course he doesnt want to split up, we have a 2 year relationship and his mum is toxic. I am listening to advice, I only posted an hour ago.

Show quote history

Did you read my entire comment before you replied?

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 01:34

2023a · 02/02/2023 01:32

She’s not angry at all. If he comes back and doesn’t dump her, she’s 100% staying with this man until he does.

Show quote history

No, I'm not, she is a very toxic - probably narcissistic woman and I am just trying to get the full picture before completely turning my back on a 2 year relationship.

OP posts:
2023a · 02/02/2023 01:44

The full picture of what?

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 01:48

2023a · 02/02/2023 01:44

The full picture of what?

He lives with me, we have a two year relationship, he tells me he loves me most days, his mum does not like me. I wanted to be sure that she was telling the truth and not shit stirring because she is capable of that and he and his family are used to it but I am not. I know its wrong that he said nothing, I also know that under stress he freezes I have seen him to it several times now - its a trauma response from having a horrible mother. But i also know that I am probably in denial as I dont want the relationship to end so came here for a reality check.

OP posts:
Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 01:49

2023a · 02/02/2023 01:44

The full picture of what?

I am very angry - this happened 3 days ago. Trust me the next day I was livid.

OP posts:
Saschka · 02/02/2023 01:52

It took him THREE DAYS to decide whether he did or didn’t want to split up with you.

He is just not that into you. If he was, he would at least have called you that evening to apologise for freezing. Instead he waited three days.

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 01:55

Saschka · 02/02/2023 01:52

It took him THREE DAYS to decide whether he did or didn’t want to split up with you.

He is just not that into you. If he was, he would at least have called you that evening to apologise for freezing. Instead he waited three days.

No, he tried to call me the next day - i didnt pick up, I didnt want to speak to him. From what he said there was no question of splitting up, he had just had enough of his mum. I told him to f off and pick up his stuff, that as he hadnt stuck up for me then it was over. I was just making sure I couldnt have made a mistake.

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