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Original poster

Boyfriends mum told me he didnt want to be with me.

233 replies

Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 00:39

Am in relationship of 2 years. We are in late 30's. Was in the pub with boyfriend and his mum and she was generally saying that he does what he wants to do and isn't really good boyfriend material she then started shouting that he doesn't want to be with me. I asked him directly and he wouldn't answer the question and i kept asking and she was shouting he doesn't want to be with you and so I said I wanted to hear from the organ grinder and not the monkey and asked him again directly - he told me she was winding things up so I asked him again and he said 'I don't know' he then ran away to a friends house. The next day I asked him why he didn't stick up for me and he said he's lost his voice and of course he does want to be with me, loves me more than anyone and hopes to marry me one day. He tried to belittle what had happened saying his mum was on the wind up - to me it was sick. Wat would you make of it?

OP posts:
BethDuttonsTwin · 02/02/2023 18:11

Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 18:09

It was over, I drove off and left him at his friends but he tried to talk me round and I wanted outside opinions. He played it down.

Show quote history

Good! Now block that lily livered ninny everywhere!

SunshineAndFizz · 02/02/2023 18:24

@Captaincaveman7 well done OP 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 x x

billy1966 · 02/02/2023 18:31

You have your whole life ahead of you.

The importance of the calibre and character of the person you choose to spend time with is a huge contributor to your overall happiness.

He comes from the dregs, of course that will impact you.

His mother is a drunk.
He's on the dole and loves spending time in YOUR home.

I bet he did.

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk online so that you can develop strategies that help you protect yourself.

Aligning yourself with a weak user is never going to end well.

You deserve better, but you have to want it.

MysteryBelle · 02/02/2023 19:06

Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 02:23

You're right. Thank you

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Just read your updates. Well done you!!! Onward and upward!! 💐🎉

Reclaimtheoutdoors · 02/02/2023 19:24

Well done @Captaincaveman7 it can’t have been easy and you have made a good decision really quickly. I hope you have a clean break, heal and never tolerate someone like that again.

The fact he isn’t even trying to fight for you shows that really he wanted this.

He/his mum set this up so you’d have no other option but to dump him, because clearly your ex is cowardly and didn’t have the courage to break up with you directly. Just remember that if he ever ends up down on his luck and tries to worm his way back in.

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 22:58

Reclaimtheoutdoors · 02/02/2023 19:24

Well done @Captaincaveman7 it can’t have been easy and you have made a good decision really quickly. I hope you have a clean break, heal and never tolerate someone like that again.

The fact he isn’t even trying to fight for you shows that really he wanted this.

He/his mum set this up so you’d have no other option but to dump him, because clearly your ex is cowardly and didn’t have the courage to break up with you directly. Just remember that if he ever ends up down on his luck and tries to worm his way back in.

Thank you, he has sent a 'you made mistakes too' text and 'I'm so sorry, I'll never do that again' text but no real effort made. Bit of a take it or leave it really. Sad considering a few days ago I thought we were happy and in love.

OP posts:
Closetbeanmuncher · 02/02/2023 23:41

he does what he wants to do and isn't really good boyfriend material

Hes not who you think he is OP, she obviously knows the real him and it’s not the one he presents to you. Tbh the lot of them him included just sound a bit scutty.

Some people will just milk other people for anything they can get, he’s a two faced parasite, and I get the major hint from what his mother said he’s a cheat as well as a user. Please, for the love of god stop trying to drag gutter pickings up to your level.

It doesn’t matter if it’s two weeks or ten years you’ve been with him, it’s glaringly obvious he’s not who you think he is and isn’t invested in the relationship. You’d be absolutely insane to get back with him after this.

Drop his stuff off at the pub and let that be the end of it.

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 03/02/2023 00:03

Closetbeanmuncher · 02/02/2023 23:41

he does what he wants to do and isn't really good boyfriend material

Hes not who you think he is OP, she obviously knows the real him and it’s not the one he presents to you. Tbh the lot of them him included just sound a bit scutty.

Some people will just milk other people for anything they can get, he’s a two faced parasite, and I get the major hint from what his mother said he’s a cheat as well as a user. Please, for the love of god stop trying to drag gutter pickings up to your level.

It doesn’t matter if it’s two weeks or ten years you’ve been with him, it’s glaringly obvious he’s not who you think he is and isn’t invested in the relationship. You’d be absolutely insane to get back with him after this.

Drop his stuff off at the pub and let that be the end of it.

Yeah just the whole way he has played everything down and he thought give it a few days and it would be fine. No real effort or actions taken to apologise or make it right so like you say no investment in the relationship. He only has the one pair of trousers he has been wearing since Sunday and that's why I don't feel like dropping his stuff off. Id be doing him a favour.

OP posts:
canfor · 03/02/2023 00:11

2 years in, this is who he is, one thing is for sure, he will never be on your side when mummy is in the room. This would likely get worse...another 2 years in you might have moved in together, you might have kids...it's so much better to cut your losses now, well done you.

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 03/02/2023 00:13

canfor · 03/02/2023 00:11

2 years in, this is who he is, one thing is for sure, he will never be on your side when mummy is in the room. This would likely get worse...another 2 years in you might have moved in together, you might have kids...it's so much better to cut your losses now, well done you.

We were living together - that's why I couldn't believe he didn't stand up for me and reassure me.

OP posts:
ashley278 · 03/02/2023 00:14

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

canfor · 03/02/2023 00:29

@Captaincaveman7 at least he still has alternative accommodation- imagine if you were trapped in the same house with him trying to downplay the incident...

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 03/02/2023 00:49

canfor · 03/02/2023 00:29

@Captaincaveman7 at least he still has alternative accommodation- imagine if you were trapped in the same house with him trying to downplay the incident...

I Know - Its a shock though when you are so upset and the person who you thought loves you doesn't seem to care. A mutual friend was there when it happened and he invited us both back to his house, my partner didn't seem to want me to go as he saw me as part of the problem I think but the friend could see how messed up it was. I thanked him the next day, at least one person had my back.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 03/02/2023 08:25

He wasn't living with you, he was living off you.

He's a user loser and you need to learn that there is no one as loving as a man who needs somewhere to stay.

He just got a bit too comfortable and thought he could get away with such disrespect to your face and that you would take such public humiliation.

Learn from this if you don't want it to happen again.

You deserve better.

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 03/02/2023 08:28

billy1966 · 03/02/2023 08:25

He wasn't living with you, he was living off you.

He's a user loser and you need to learn that there is no one as loving as a man who needs somewhere to stay.

He just got a bit too comfortable and thought he could get away with such disrespect to your face and that you would take such public humiliation.

Learn from this if you don't want it to happen again.

You deserve better.

Yeah he just thought with a couple of days ot would blow over

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 03/02/2023 08:30

Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 01:02

Not a joke, she gets pissed and mouths off, he has a weird attachment to her and is kind of afraid of her, I thought we were in a happy relationship.

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No one needs this kind of family in their life. It isn’t even your own family so I’d be relieved it’s over.

creamwitheverything · 03/02/2023 12:55

Hey Op..you know when you were a little girl and you pictured the man of your dreams? Well pretty sure it wasnt this! Put him in the kiss frogs pile and forget well no dont forget cos you dont want to fall in to this trap with shit men again and go off and find your prince,He will be waiting for you and he will be focused on you having the best life he can offer you , This whole set up with him and his mother is just wrong on eery level and its not a situation I would want my daug
ghter thinking it is ok to live with, Go out be free raise your standards and find your prince,Let this one be with his mother!!!! You deserve more.

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 03/02/2023 13:03

Thank you, he really can't understand why I am upset 'and still going on about it'. He doesn't see any problem with his toxic mum - so yeah I will leave him to it. I think he enjoys the drama and the stirring, probably had it all his life.

OP posts:
Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 03/02/2023 13:30

Maray1967 · 03/02/2023 08:30

No one needs this kind of family in their life. It isn’t even your own family so I’d be relieved it’s over.

Show quote history

I know - and he cant even see its a problem, just says she was bored.

OP posts:
Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 03/02/2023 13:32

Maray1967 · 03/02/2023 08:30

No one needs this kind of family in their life. It isn’t even your own family so I’d be relieved it’s over.

Show quote history

She has caused so much pain to me in this relationship by manipulating him and he just doesn't care. As far as he is concerned if he pisses someone off, in a few says he will be forgiven and it doesn't matter.

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 03/02/2023 13:38

He’s not a decent bloke - you’ve made the right call here.

Whydidimarryhim · 03/02/2023 14:43

You may need to block him. He’s either not very bright or thinks he can pester you into taking him back. Don’t engage with him. He’s not healthy. Hope you’re ok. 🌺

ManyNameChanges · 03/02/2023 16:04

Captaincaveman7 · 03/02/2023 13:03

Thank you, he really can't understand why I am upset 'and still going on about it'. He doesn't see any problem with his toxic mum - so yeah I will leave him to it. I think he enjoys the drama and the stirring, probably had it all his life.

And that’s EXACTLY the reason why separating is the best thing to have done.
He doesn’t see the issue, never will. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

But you dont need him to see it. It would be satisfying if he did. It would be the ‘proof’ you’re not crazy. But it’s not going to happen.
He is more likely to go round telling himself and everyone else that you are crazy, over reacted to a joke and were looking fir a fight.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

ManyNameChanges · 03/02/2023 16:06

And I fully agree about blocking him.

Leave his stuff outside, drop them to his mum, have someone dropping the stuff fir you. It doesn’t matter. Just do whatever is the easiest FOR YOU.
And block him. You dint need to carry on hearing from him.

pristinesurfacesGBTD · 03/02/2023 16:07

Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 00:39

Am in relationship of 2 years. We are in late 30's. Was in the pub with boyfriend and his mum and she was generally saying that he does what he wants to do and isn't really good boyfriend material she then started shouting that he doesn't want to be with me. I asked him directly and he wouldn't answer the question and i kept asking and she was shouting he doesn't want to be with you and so I said I wanted to hear from the organ grinder and not the monkey and asked him again directly - he told me she was winding things up so I asked him again and he said 'I don't know' he then ran away to a friends house. The next day I asked him why he didn't stick up for me and he said he's lost his voice and of course he does want to be with me, loves me more than anyone and hopes to marry me one day. He tried to belittle what had happened saying his mum was on the wind up - to me it was sick. Wat would you make of it?

Wake up and smell the coffee. Walk away from this unpleasant family with your head held high and don't look back. You don't even owe the shitty boyfriend an explanation.

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