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Original poster

Boyfriends mum told me he didnt want to be with me.

233 replies

Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 00:39

Am in relationship of 2 years. We are in late 30's. Was in the pub with boyfriend and his mum and she was generally saying that he does what he wants to do and isn't really good boyfriend material she then started shouting that he doesn't want to be with me. I asked him directly and he wouldn't answer the question and i kept asking and she was shouting he doesn't want to be with you and so I said I wanted to hear from the organ grinder and not the monkey and asked him again directly - he told me she was winding things up so I asked him again and he said 'I don't know' he then ran away to a friends house. The next day I asked him why he didn't stick up for me and he said he's lost his voice and of course he does want to be with me, loves me more than anyone and hopes to marry me one day. He tried to belittle what had happened saying his mum was on the wind up - to me it was sick. Wat would you make of it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 01:58

Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 01:55

No, he tried to call me the next day - i didnt pick up, I didnt want to speak to him. From what he said there was no question of splitting up, he had just had enough of his mum. I told him to f off and pick up his stuff, that as he hadnt stuck up for me then it was over. I was just making sure I couldnt have made a mistake.

Show quote history

When I asked why he didnt speak up gis response was he was in shock, he thought what a stupid conversation and walked away because it was the silliest thing he had ever heard.

OP posts:
2023a · 02/02/2023 01:59

I’m not sure what else to say here. I’m going to attempt to sleep. Good luck OP.

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 02:02

2023a · 02/02/2023 01:59

I’m not sure what else to say here. I’m going to attempt to sleep. Good luck OP.

Thank you

OP posts:
SunshineAndFizz · 02/02/2023 02:04

This is an easy one.

Pack his bags and leave them at the pub.

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 02:05

SunshineAndFizz · 02/02/2023 02:04

This is an easy one.

Pack his bags and leave them at the pub.

Told him to pick his stuff up

OP posts:
Mamanyt · 02/02/2023 02:10

Any man who runs away and will not stick up for you with his mother is going to be trouble from here on out. Cut your losses NOW. He's shown you who he is, a little, cowardly mama's boy. BELIEVE HIM.

Goodread1 · 02/02/2023 02:10

Hi Op

I also think his mother is manipulative Needy control freak Narastistic,
Who doesn't like a female becoming his girlfriend, as she will start to lose control of him in their dysfunctional relationship,
I suspect she is and would be jealous of any girlfriend he had,
As she has weird hold of him,

I think having a mammys type of boyfriend like this, who is gutless,
He didn't even say sorry to you,

Makes me strongly think his mother what she was saying , there is something about her slating you off like this,
He is essentially saying one. Thing to her and something entirely different to your face,

You would be a lot better off get rid of this one,
There is a lot better quality of fish out in the sea,
Work on improving your self esteem issues, respect yourself better,

Don't rush into a new relationship next time,

Look after yourself, an. think about what you will accept and definitely accept in future relantships,
Another words look at personal boundaries, what you are comfortable with and noT,

Your emotions how people make you feel are a guide to whether they are right or not right for you,
Don't settle for anything less,
You are worth a lot more,

Just wondering is there something in your past or childhood has given you low self esteem issues at all?
If this is case?
Look at this, even look into therapy to support you o change that too.

Goodread1 · 02/02/2023 02:13

Hi Op

Oopsi ment what you will definitely not accept in a relationship too.

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 02:17

Goodread1 · 02/02/2023 02:10

Hi Op

I also think his mother is manipulative Needy control freak Narastistic,
Who doesn't like a female becoming his girlfriend, as she will start to lose control of him in their dysfunctional relationship,
I suspect she is and would be jealous of any girlfriend he had,
As she has weird hold of him,

I think having a mammys type of boyfriend like this, who is gutless,
He didn't even say sorry to you,

Makes me strongly think his mother what she was saying , there is something about her slating you off like this,
He is essentially saying one. Thing to her and something entirely different to your face,

You would be a lot better off get rid of this one,
There is a lot better quality of fish out in the sea,
Work on improving your self esteem issues, respect yourself better,

Don't rush into a new relationship next time,

Look after yourself, an. think about what you will accept and definitely accept in future relantships,
Another words look at personal boundaries, what you are comfortable with and noT,

Your emotions how people make you feel are a guide to whether they are right or not right for you,
Don't settle for anything less,
You are worth a lot more,

Just wondering is there something in your past or childhood has given you low self esteem issues at all?
If this is case?
Look at this, even look into therapy to support you o change that too.

Yes his mum is exactly like that - he says she ruins his relationships with all his girlfriends. You actually understand. He doesn't seem able to stand up to her. Its creepy. My self esteem isn't great but no terrible history.

OP posts:
Goodread1 · 02/02/2023 02:17

His mother I suspect could definitely have other personality disorders in the mix,

I can gaurentee in the future,
You will be thinking , something like thank God or thank fxck I am no longer with this freak set up in regard of your hopefully soon ex boyfriend and his nightmare mother/family's.

MysteryBelle · 02/02/2023 02:19

Oh my. Do you have any idea how you’re coming across?

Please raise your standards. Right now they’re in the deep and unplumbed depths of the protozoan layer of the eco crust.

Why in the world would you waste one second of your life on a piece of garbage lowlife scum and his equally hideous mother?

Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 02:23

MysteryBelle · 02/02/2023 02:19

Oh my. Do you have any idea how you’re coming across?

Please raise your standards. Right now they’re in the deep and unplumbed depths of the protozoan layer of the eco crust.

Why in the world would you waste one second of your life on a piece of garbage lowlife scum and his equally hideous mother?

You're right. Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 02:24

Goodread1 · 02/02/2023 02:17

His mother I suspect could definitely have other personality disorders in the mix,

I can gaurentee in the future,
You will be thinking , something like thank God or thank fxck I am no longer with this freak set up in regard of your hopefully soon ex boyfriend and his nightmare mother/family's.

It is a freak set up - and when i questioned what happened I was told it was just a joke. In other words - theres something wrong with me for getting upset when it was 'just a joke'

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 02/02/2023 02:29

he said 'I don't know' he then ran away to a friends house

And he's in his late 30s? Why would you want to be with this loser anyway?

It's over. Onwards and upwards.

emptythelitterbox · 02/02/2023 02:57

He and his family sound like a bunch of drunken trash that you're better off not around.

Tell him goodbye and good riddance.

Mannymoomin · 02/02/2023 03:12

Sounds like his mother is a massive problem, and always will be, you’ll only get more drama if you stay.
Chuck him back in the swamp sea

Fraaahnces · 02/02/2023 03:39

He is just as toxic as she is. “He lost his voice.” ??? Really??? No. Yeah, he probably did freeze, but he shouldn’t have. It’s a black and white decision. He stays when she’s a shrieking harpy or he says, “Come on @Captaincaveman7, you don’t have to put up with that shit - we’re leaving. Of course I love you.” And by taking you home he shows you he wants to be with you. Also, he ran away to someone else’s place. Not yours. Chickenshit.

Sparklfairy · 02/02/2023 04:38

That must have been so humiliating OP, I'm so sorry Flowers

Calling him gutless is right, cowardly seems far too polite! Don't question yourself. He's just minimising for an easy life but you've seen the light now and if you continued the relationship this would happen again and again. I can't imagine how uncomfortable and awkward I would feel around both him and his mother now with that elephant in the room! You've done the right thing. Don't look back!

Monty27 · 02/02/2023 04:44

All together now...... IT'S A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP ALL ROUND. IT'S OVER!!
No-one deserves that treatment end of.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/02/2023 04:46

The only person that can rescue him is himself. He doesn’t want to do it and you are doing the right thing by running away from this relationship.

Rainbowsparkles29 · 02/02/2023 04:48

I might be able to come back from this if he was 16 but he's in his 30s and you've been together 2 years FFS. It's seriously icky that he needs his mummy to fight his battles for him and even if she's shit-stirring I would expect him to be shutting her down and articulating to you very clearly that he loves you and wants to be with you. Don't waste another second of the best years of your life with this loser OP. He's never going to give you what you want or deserve xx

keeprunning55 · 02/02/2023 05:46

How horrible for you. If he has a strange attachment to his dm like this, things will get worse. Have you ever read the mother in law posts on here?
You deserve better. Know your worth.

Whydidimarryhim · 02/02/2023 05:47

Poor you that’s terrible. Sadly he is unable to separate from his mother and is severely damaged by her. He must have had a terrible childhood. How cruel can someone be. No wonder he freeze he’s trauma bonded to her. But he needs to sort that out. He cannot defend you - he would need to separate from his mother and go no contact. He’s not ready from that.

OddSockSeeker · 02/02/2023 05:49

Captaincaveman7 · 02/02/2023 01:34

No, I'm not, she is a very toxic - probably narcissistic woman and I am just trying to get the full picture before completely turning my back on a 2 year relationship.

Show quote history

That must’ve felt really humiliating for you. I would’ve felt so disrespected being shouted at like that. I would expect a partner to stick up for me in that situation. Awful behaviour from his Mum. She sounds like she’s probably got her own problems though and your partner may be stuck in a weird web of control with her since being a little boy. She sounds controlling and forceful. I can see how horrible a situation this is. Sometimes the best thing to do it quietly and calmly gather your self respect and start a fresh. Don’t give the mum any more of your time. Don’t feed her drama. If he wants you he can find you. Be strong 💪 and know your worth. Don’t let people shout at you like that. X

Clymene · 02/02/2023 05:53

Are you in eastenders?

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