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Original poster

Do you trust your husband?

153 replies

mummaontheskoolrun · 30/01/2023 17:23

I'm having a few trust issues with my husband.

I'm anxious when he's on his phone/what's app. I'm fully aware these are my issues.

We have kids, house and a life together so it's not as easy to walk away as some people will suggest.

I'm asking out of interest how many women fully trust their husbands?

I'm scared he's messaging women from work. We had a rough time a few years ago when he was messaging a colleague and I found out. He swore nothing crossed the line and they were just friends but it didn't sit well with me and it made me quite ill mentally ( DH doesn't really know to the extent if effected me )

Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
ComeOnJohn · 30/01/2023 17:44

I do, yes. 25 years. We have had rough patches of course, but it wouldn’t enter my head that he would be doing anything behind my back.

I think once the trust has gone it’s unlikely to come back, you would always be wondering. Is couples counselling an option?

You say it’s not easy to walk away. Whilst that is true, people do it every day. How easy will it be to live the next 5, 10, 25 years feeling the way you do now and always wondering if he’s doing something wrong, hiding something or messaging someone?

DestinysGrandchild · 30/01/2023 17:45

Yes. We argue about normal stuff but I wouldn't think he would cheat.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 30/01/2023 17:50

Implicitly.

Almost 20 years and have never had a doubt about his integrity. He still leaves me love letters around the house.

Can count on one hand the number of big arguments we have had in that time. He is my world, and I know I am his.

Doublevodka · 30/01/2023 17:55

I trust my husband completely. He has never given me a reason to not. However if he had been messaging a colleague in the past, then no I would not trust him. And there is your problem. He has broken your trust in the past. Some people can move on from this, I couldn’t.

Notateacheranymore · 30/01/2023 17:57

100%. Been married 25 y in August, and he is so honest and trustworthy, it’s hard to imagine anyone more so.

Original poster
mummaontheskoolrun · 30/01/2023 17:59

Is it ok to message a colleague of the opposite sex?

I'm a very jealous person and it doesn't sit well with me.

How do others feel about it?

OP posts:
Krakenes · 30/01/2023 18:04

Message a colleague what? General chit chat, work related, or ‘hi I think you’re gorgeous, I want to start an affair’. I’d be totally happy for my husband to message general chit chat or work related stuff, but the last one I would not be happy with whatever sex they are.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 30/01/2023 18:07

mummaontheskoolrun · 30/01/2023 17:59

Is it ok to message a colleague of the opposite sex?

I'm a very jealous person and it doesn't sit well with me.

How do others feel about it?

Yes, of course. My husband has lots of female work friends and even, shock horror, goes and spends the occasional weekend at her house without me worrying he's jumped into her knickers.

Buy then, most of my friends are male so 💁‍♀️

If he's texting her asking for a shag, well that would be different.

Emmamoo89 · 30/01/2023 18:08

I'm not married but trust my partner 100%

hallodarknessmyoldfriend · 30/01/2023 18:12

Trust my DP completely. He chats with his female (and male) colleagues outside of work (they do mostly moan and complain about work though) and I also do the same with my colleagues.

QueSyrahSyrah · 30/01/2023 18:13

mummaontheskoolrun · 30/01/2023 17:59

Is it ok to message a colleague of the opposite sex?

I'm a very jealous person and it doesn't sit well with me.

How do others feel about it?

It depends on the content and context. I have a good male friend who started as a colleague, we've always messaged back and forth outside work (intermittently, not constantly) and have socialised together outside work and it's never been an issue because it's never been even remotely with any kind of romantic intention. DH knows him and gets on with him now too.

I receive regular WhatsApp jokes from another male colleague but he's about 30 years my senior (40 to 70, not some 50 year old sleaze texting a 20 year old, for full context).

So no it wouldn't worry me DH messaging or being friendly with a Woman from his work, so long as it was without any other intention.

Campervangirl · 30/01/2023 18:18

Not anymore, a couple of weeks ago I would have said yes.
We've had a conversation which has shown me we're not on the same page in regards to our relationship.
We're now in the process of splitting up, I don't think there's an ow but if it turns out there is I actually don't care.
The sooner he slings his hook the better.
I feel for you op, it's difficult when you have DC, we don't, I'm financially secure and looking forward to getting my life back, I'm late 50s

bigbloom · 30/01/2023 18:21

Yes, of course. My husband has lots of female work friends and even, shock horror, goes and spends the occasional weekend at her house without me worrying he's jumped into her knickers.

Oh no, female friends are one thing but I wouldn't like this personally. It's not even about sex it's just a bit much for me to be sitting about in your female friends house. Good that it works for you and your husband

bigbloom · 30/01/2023 18:22

Oops not me sitting there- my husband!

MeghanThyStallion · 30/01/2023 18:23

Yes, I absolutely trust DH. I wouldn't have trusted exH with anything though, which is why he's an ex. The trouble with proving yourself untrustworthy is that you have a long, hard road to win trust back. You're not starting from square 1, but at square -100.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 30/01/2023 18:24

bigbloom · 30/01/2023 18:21

Yes, of course. My husband has lots of female work friends and even, shock horror, goes and spends the occasional weekend at her house without me worrying he's jumped into her knickers.

Oh no, female friends are one thing but I wouldn't like this personally. It's not even about sex it's just a bit much for me to be sitting about in your female friends house. Good that it works for you and your husband

She's his friend, not mine. They went through training school together and get together once or twice a year.

I spend most of the weekend laughing at the drunken messages they send me 😆

Echobelly · 30/01/2023 18:28

Yes, never given me reason not to trust him on that front. I'm wouldn't say 'My husband would never cheat', but that doesn't mean I think he definitely would either. He has female friends, including ones he's admitted to fancying in the past but I've never had the slightest concerns about him being with them or messaging them.

QueSyrahSyrah · 30/01/2023 18:28

bigbloom · 30/01/2023 18:21

Yes, of course. My husband has lots of female work friends and even, shock horror, goes and spends the occasional weekend at her house without me worrying he's jumped into her knickers.

Oh no, female friends are one thing but I wouldn't like this personally. It's not even about sex it's just a bit much for me to be sitting about in your female friends house. Good that it works for you and your husband

Like anything, context is key.

I've got a very close male friend and I know for sure DH would not have any issue if I went to stay with him, largely because we've known each other since we were 11 and have been single for large swathes of the 30 intervening years - if anything were going to happen between us that way there has been ample opportunity, and hand on heart there's never been so much as a suggestive look pass between us.

Blueisthecolor · 30/01/2023 18:36

I do, he's given me no reason not to. We've been together 20yrs since we were teens. If there is no trust then the relationship is dead.

Texting someone of opposite sex is fine so long as it's friendly/normal and not flirty. Have u seen the texts?

I sometimes txt a guy from work but mainly it's fball chat as we support the same team.

WilsonMilson · 30/01/2023 18:53

Yes I trust my husband 100%, we have total trust in each other. I am never suspicious of him at all, seems inconceivable that I would ever be as we are each other’s world and still very happy with each other every day, in a way I feel extremely lucky and blessed about.

Of course he has emails, calls, meetings and sometimes lunches with women (and men) because of work, and he has some female friends too, but no impropriety there at all. He doesn’t spend time with any women outside of work though I guess.

I’m not an insecure person, so it wouldn’t be in my nature to be concerned by any of that, but that’s because we are completely happy together.

One of my best friends of over 25 years is a (heterosexual) man and the thought of DH being jealous of him is hilarious as he’s just like a brother to me and it’s beyond icky to think about anything remotely line crossing happening there.

Is this you being rampantly jealous of nothing or has he got actual form for cheating?

SquirrelFan · 30/01/2023 18:59

No, you can never trust another human being fully. We are all fallible! But you just have to get on with things...

Oblomov22 · 30/01/2023 19:02

Yes. Never given it a second thought. We both have very strong views on cheating. I will never cheat. Ever. Never have, never will. It goes against every essence of my being.

Mirroredlove · 30/01/2023 19:06

Do you know who I trusted more than anyone in the whole world, someone who I could bank my life on never having an affair because they were so against it and found it an act beyond despicable….me.
Yet i still did it, shocked myself completely. One thing I learnt from it is it doesn’t matter how great someone is, how honourable and moral, things change, people change, views change…you can never really trust anyone. All you can do is hope…

soboredtonight · 30/01/2023 19:07

SquirrelFan · 30/01/2023 18:59

No, you can never trust another human being fully. We are all fallible! But you just have to get on with things...

Yep this. I doubt he would but then I've read so many threads on here with women saying the Same thing about their partners.

Mirroredlove · 30/01/2023 19:07

Also time means nothing…together 21 years.