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Original poster

Do you trust your husband?

153 replies

mummaontheskoolrun · 30/01/2023 17:23

I'm having a few trust issues with my husband.

I'm anxious when he's on his phone/what's app. I'm fully aware these are my issues.

We have kids, house and a life together so it's not as easy to walk away as some people will suggest.

I'm asking out of interest how many women fully trust their husbands?

I'm scared he's messaging women from work. We had a rough time a few years ago when he was messaging a colleague and I found out. He swore nothing crossed the line and they were just friends but it didn't sit well with me and it made me quite ill mentally ( DH doesn't really know to the extent if effected me )

Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
YouJustDoYou · 30/01/2023 20:37

soboredtonight · 30/01/2023 19:07

Yep this. I doubt he would but then I've read so many threads on here with women saying the Same thing about their partners.

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This.

Icanflyhigh · 30/01/2023 20:39

I trust my husband implicitly, 100% no doubts.

He has female friends and colleagues and he chats with them as he feels he wants/needs to and it isn't an issue - nor has it ever been.

IheardYouButDontWantToAnswer · 30/01/2023 20:40

I'd trust my husband with anything. Married for 42 years

ManyNameChanges · 30/01/2023 20:41

About an affair? Yes I trust him 100%
Other stuff? Not always

alterego2 · 30/01/2023 20:44

DestinysGrandchild · 30/01/2023 17:45

Yes. We argue about normal stuff but I wouldn't think he would cheat.

You see I said that. And I talked to some friends about it and they all agreed. He's not the type, he wouldn't do that. But he was and he did. Trust your gut ...

Tayegete · 30/01/2023 20:51

I genuinely don’t think you can trust anyone 100%. DH is lovely and has never given me any reason to distrust him but if an attractive woman came on to him and he thought he’d get away with it I couldn’t say 100% he wouldn’t go for it. You have to trust day to day though - constantly worrying it could happen is no way to live. If he has given you reason to distrust him in the past maybe you need to rethink the relationship.

JassyRadlett · 30/01/2023 20:55

bigbloom · 30/01/2023 19:55

I find it quite sad and weird when people think that men and women can't be friends with each other. That would cut out a huge chunk of my friends.

I think the number of people who absolutely think this is very small. Many people, however, seem to lack boundaries in a monogamous relationship, or at least have different values to their partner. Things like flirting, being friends with previous hookups/crushes, sharing intimate details of their relationship, secrecy, liking their bikini pics, inviting them around alone - and then dismissing your partner's concerns/worries/insecurities are reasons why sometimes people are funny about it. Bad past experience usually rather than outright rejection.

Again, it's just a bit of a straw man to say anyone who objects to x objects to all opposite sex friendships. There's usually more too it.

IIt's a specific response to OP's specific post, where she's not comfortable with colleagues of opposite sexes even exchanging messages because 'it doesn't sit right' and she's jealous. That suggests quite an absolute view.

I agree on the importance of mutually respected boundaries.

Krakenes · 30/01/2023 20:56

rhowton · 30/01/2023 20:23

I think it's foolish to trust husbands fully.

And wives and sons and daughters and parents and grandparents and friends. Some people are untrustworthy and some are untrusting. Be silly to blanket everyone like that. It’s like saying I don’t trust people with blue eyes.

Hawkins002 · 30/01/2023 21:03

FloydPepper · 30/01/2023 20:28

What about wives?

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Same point there as it takes two to tango

BridieConvert · 30/01/2023 21:40

I trust my husband 100%.
He is a nurse so the majority of his friends from work are women. I have no insecurities or issues with him messaging them at all!

MissWings · 30/01/2023 21:42

Yes I do.

Been together for a very long time. I trust him 99 percent. Trusting a man 100 percent is a bit daft though.

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 30/01/2023 21:45

I trust him not to have an affair.

but there is a lot of stuff i dont trust him with. Like sorting the washing. Socks can get lost for years.

but with your dh if you have said it bothers you this much and he continues, then id consider that disrespectful.

Peckhaminn · 30/01/2023 21:48

Trust my partner 101% although he does my head in!

NewFriday · 30/01/2023 21:49

I'm generally a trusting kind of person. In all situations, friends, colleagues, partners, I'll trust you until you give me a reason not to. I've always found that when I start doubting someone, there's a very good reason for it.

Lcb123 · 30/01/2023 21:50

Yes totally - it’s the bedrock of our marriage (been together 11 years). Messaging a female colleague wouldn’t bother me, I have confidence it would be friendly only

Orangebadger · 30/01/2023 21:55

Yes I do. He's never given me a reason not too. My OH has female friends, no problem with him messaging them.

Twawmyarse2 · 30/01/2023 21:59

No, I don't.

I found him on hookup sights years ago. He always claimed it was just for fun and a "bit of titillation". I was pregnant at the time and had a really awful pregnancy so I eventually decided to try and move past it. It's affected me a lot though and destroyed my trust in him.

Ive never really been able to forget it though and I don't really respect him any more (also for various other reasons such as telling silly lies). On balance I think probably nothing happened, in that I doubt he met up with anyone.

But il never trust him again. Having seen so many friends husbands leave them for other women and behave awfully, along with all the stories you see here on MN makes me have very little faith in men in general. I don't think there are many truly good ones out there, I reckon most men would shag someone else if they thought they could get away with it.

HamBone · 30/01/2023 22:00

i don’t trust DH 100% even though I know he loves me. I honestly think it’s self-protection to always be a tiny bit suspicious and showing jealousy once in a while can be very flattering. I realized a few years ago that a colleague once had a crush on him and I know he was tempted. I showed up at his workplace dressed to the nines to take him out to lunch, laughed and joked with everyone and generally reminded them of my existence…she backed off. He was flattered by my jealousy and it all blew over.

I occasionally say what crazy things I’ll do if he ever strays and it spices things up, tbh. 🤣 If you’re jealous, OP, show him in a non-bunny boiler way.

ThisIsWednesday · 30/01/2023 22:03

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 30/01/2023 17:50

Implicitly.

Almost 20 years and have never had a doubt about his integrity. He still leaves me love letters around the house.

Can count on one hand the number of big arguments we have had in that time. He is my world, and I know I am his.

Same but one year less.

I can never understand relationships that need to be 'fought' for. Who ya fighting? Ours just goes forward with no resistance.

We're that corny couple who go to the local shop as a pair, to pick up the takeaway together or even to the car garage as a pair dropping the car off and we walk back home together etc.

K37529 · 30/01/2023 22:07

Not married but been together a long time, never once worried that he would cheat on me. I don't think messaging a work colleague of the opposite sex is a big deal, I wouldn't know if he had because I don't check his phone but it wouldn't bother me. Why are there trust issues? Has he cheated before? Do you know what the messages said was it just friendly chat or flirty?

GreyCarpet · 30/01/2023 22:10

My boyfriend trusts me implicitly. I know this akd he has repeatedly shown in his actions that he trusts me. I have male friends who I phone/see alone and he has not only never questioned it but has also become friends with a couple of them.

He said he knows he can trust me because he knows I don't have it in me to cheat.

Of course I have it in me to cheat. Otheren hit one all the time and I haven't always been whiter than white in this respect.

But there is absolutely not a cat in Hell's chance I'd cheat on him or behave disrespectfully - eg flirt with someone else. All of my friendships/meet ups with male friends are an open book. I have nothing to hide from him.

But he can never really know that 100%. Trusting me is a choice he makes and one that I respect because I love him.

All any of us can do is make that choice.

MaxTalk · 30/01/2023 22:58

Watchkeys · 30/01/2023 20:13

This is codswallop. You speak from your own experience, not a position of objective 'knowing'.

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I think most would cheat if they could and know they wouldn't be found out.

It's naiive to think otherwise IMO.

Emmamoo89 · 30/01/2023 23:01

MaxTalk · 30/01/2023 22:58

I think most would cheat if they could and know they wouldn't be found out.

It's naiive to think otherwise IMO.

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Utter bollocks.

JeepersCreepersWheredYaGetThosePeepers · 30/01/2023 23:02

I don't trust him implicitly!

I don't trust anyone implicitly!

JeepersCreepersWheredYaGetThosePeepers · 30/01/2023 23:09

I remember having a chat with a young woman that I worked with about trust and affairs. She was approx 25 years old, been with her partner for many years and due to get married.

She said that her and her partner wouldn't have an affair as they'd agreed that they'd talk to each other before it got to that stage.

I remember inferring that partners don't tell you when it gets to that stage. She was adamant her partner would.

She got married. About three months later she found out her husband was living a double life with another woman!

It obviously wasn't appropriate to say "I told you so"!