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Original poster

Do you trust your husband?

153 replies

mummaontheskoolrun · 30/01/2023 17:23

I'm having a few trust issues with my husband.

I'm anxious when he's on his phone/what's app. I'm fully aware these are my issues.

We have kids, house and a life together so it's not as easy to walk away as some people will suggest.

I'm asking out of interest how many women fully trust their husbands?

I'm scared he's messaging women from work. We had a rough time a few years ago when he was messaging a colleague and I found out. He swore nothing crossed the line and they were just friends but it didn't sit well with me and it made me quite ill mentally ( DH doesn't really know to the extent if effected me )

Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
SoIAmGlad · 30/01/2023 20:08

mummaontheskoolrun · 30/01/2023 17:59

Is it ok to message a colleague of the opposite sex?

I'm a very jealous person and it doesn't sit well with me.

How do others feel about it?

Some of my best friends are men I’ve worked with. I can’t imagine only considering half the human race as potential friends, or expecting my spouse to avoid women. Likewise DH has good female friends. We’ve been together 30 years.

idonotmind · 30/01/2023 20:10

Not at all. All men would cheat given half the chance

irishh · 30/01/2023 20:10

mummaontheskoolrun · 30/01/2023 17:23

I'm having a few trust issues with my husband.

I'm anxious when he's on his phone/what's app. I'm fully aware these are my issues.

We have kids, house and a life together so it's not as easy to walk away as some people will suggest.

I'm asking out of interest how many women fully trust their husbands?

I'm scared he's messaging women from work. We had a rough time a few years ago when he was messaging a colleague and I found out. He swore nothing crossed the line and they were just friends but it didn't sit well with me and it made me quite ill mentally ( DH doesn't really know to the extent if effected me )

Thank you for reading.

Hi, sorry that you’re feeling this way. I’m very much like you. I’m not married but I have a partner and I like to think that I do trust him, but I have had things happen in my past and previous relationships that have made it hard for me to completely trust a person 100% without a second thought. He knows this and he is understanding. I don’t worry so much about cheating because I know he would never do that, I worry about who he texts, the content of his conversations, if he fancies anyone, if he has a crush in work, if he has anyone in-particular he flirts with and shares private jokes with, etc etc, so all the things that end up leading to cheating I suppose that no one finds out about until it’s too late. Do you think it would help to sit down and speak to him about it and tell him you are feeling insecure? It may also help if you could ask to see his phone to put your mind at ease. These are only things that will reassure you in the moment though but will not fix the problem. You may need to try to understand where these feelings are coming from and if it is an insecurity in yourself try to work on this? I don’t know much about your situation but it sounds like it was very much just a ‘friendly chat’ with this colleague. Did he show you the messages? Can I ask has he done anything lately (words/actions) that has also made you question your trust in him?

We do have to trust to a certain degree unfortunately as hard as it is and sometimes you just have to say to yourself that if anything happens it is out of your hands and you will deal with it when/if it happens but for the meantime if your husband is worth it try to work on your communication and reinstating your boundaries to him. ❣️

Emmamoo89 · 30/01/2023 20:11

idonotmind · 30/01/2023 20:10

Not at all. All men would cheat given half the chance

No they wouldn't. Not all men are arseholes

FloydPepper · 30/01/2023 20:12

idonotmind · 30/01/2023 20:10

Not at all. All men would cheat given half the chance

Utter bollocks

sjxoxo · 30/01/2023 20:12

I think some women do and some don’t.. it sounds like youve not properly rebuilt the trust from before - I would try and work on that together. Be honest with him about how you feel… do you think you are being unreasonable? What real reasons have you to not trust him? Solid proof I mean. If you think you are being unreasonable but can’t move on, I would be honest with him about the lack of trust and also work on that myself. For me the two options here are you fix the trust together (he may not be willing if he has never ‘broken’ it) or you try and resolve your trust issues yourself. I think in both cases you are better to have cooperation from him. And if you have a future together it would be a good investment for both of you. Best of luck to you xxxx

Watchkeys · 30/01/2023 20:13

idonotmind · 30/01/2023 20:10

Not at all. All men would cheat given half the chance

This is codswallop. You speak from your own experience, not a position of objective 'knowing'.

Thepossibility · 30/01/2023 20:17

Yes. Less since I've been on here though.

goinggoinggonee · 30/01/2023 20:20

I trust him 100%. We've been together for 12 years, he works very closely with women and I've never had any suspicions

RudsyFarmer · 30/01/2023 20:21

I’ll be honest. I completely trust him. But the fact he has a low sex drive also helps 🤣

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 30/01/2023 20:21

How do you manage day to day if you don’t trust your husband? Are you on edge all the time?

Yes, I trust my partner. Without trust, I wouldn’t have bought a house with him and had three children together. Trust is the bedrock.

rhowton · 30/01/2023 20:23

I think it's foolish to trust husbands fully.

MajorCarolDanvers · 30/01/2023 20:23

I completed trust mine.

Together 24 years.

SeeYouNextTLol · 30/01/2023 20:25

Yes

Nugg · 30/01/2023 20:26

100% never a second doubt

FloydPepper · 30/01/2023 20:28

rhowton · 30/01/2023 20:23

I think it's foolish to trust husbands fully.

What about wives?

LadyMcLadyface · 30/01/2023 20:29

What kind of messages was he sending his colleague? I'm married, trust my husband as he's never given me a reason not to, and I've recently had a few long conversations via FB with a work colleague (male) who is also married because we know each other from school so it was nice to catch up, just general chit chat. Which obviously means nothing so I mean as long as the messages aren't inappropriate surely nothing to worry about?

Nugg · 30/01/2023 20:30

@FloydPepper yup!

massivesalads · 30/01/2023 20:32

Not my husband but partner of 5 years and we have a child and house together.

I absolutely trust him. We talk very openly and I feel very comfortable/ happy. If I started to feel differently I wouldn't just "LTB" but would definitely think twice about our future and prepare for life without him.

Benjispruce4 · 30/01/2023 20:32

100% trust. Married 26 years and still very happy. He messages female colleagues about work occasionally as he would a male colleague. He’s not that type of person.

BarrelOfOtters · 30/01/2023 20:32

100% no…because I think anyone can get pissed and do something stupid…but he’s v unlikely to. Would he have a full on affair, probably not as he’d be shit at hiding it….

has he ever given me reason not to trust him, no.

AliceMcK · 30/01/2023 20:33

Do I trust him not to cheat - yes, he’s far to antisocial and lazy to find another woman.
Do I trust him when he says he WILL do the list of jobs around the house - No

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 30/01/2023 20:34

rhowton · 30/01/2023 20:23

I think it's foolish to trust husbands fully.

What a sad way to be

AxolotlEars · 30/01/2023 20:36

Yes.

We did have a very tricky time when we'd been married 5 years. I think it made him realise what was at risk. We rebuilt. He is a man of integrity.

I am not jealous or ever worried about the what ifs. If it did happen I would face it then. If he strayed it would not be my fault it would be his choice.

SchoolNightWine · 30/01/2023 20:37

Yes definitely. Been together over 30 years and there's never been a moment that I haven't trusted him. Haven't liked him 100% of that time, but we got through those times and they were never to do with trust.