Do you trust your husband?

[mummaontheskoolrun]

I'm having a few trust issues with my husband.

I'm anxious when he's on his phone/what's app. I'm fully aware these are my issues.

We have kids, house and a life together so it's not as easy to walk away as some people will suggest.

I'm asking out of interest how many women fully trust their husbands?

I'm scared he's messaging women from work. We had a rough time a few years ago when he was messaging a colleague and I found out. He swore nothing crossed the line and they were just friends but it didn't sit well with me and it made me quite ill mentally ( DH doesn't really know to the extent if effected me )

Thank you for reading.

As pp have said, context is key. Of course it's all right to message members of the opposite sex. It's the content and the intent of those messages that that can make it no OK. Also, the amount of time that person is taking up in their head (that can apply to friends, hobbies, drinking etc - if they spend more time thinking of that than their wife/family then there's a problem).

DH messages female friend asking how her ill dog is / to plan hobby evening or night out = fine.
DH messages female friend to say she looked gorgeous tonight / tell her he regrets they didn't stay as a couple / arrange a night in a hotel = not OK.
DH messages female friend as often as he would male friends = OK
DH spends all evening sending her messages and laughing at her responses whie ignoring his wife = not OK.

And of course, how he makes you feel. If he compares you to her and makes you feel inferior, if he goes on about how wonderful she is, if he lies about how often he sees her or speaks to her, then there's a problem and he's being an arse.

The shock factor! They all are trustworthy…until they are not !

Sure, context matters entirely - the 'bad' examples you give are not acceptable, but don't necessarily need to be what is happening for a partner to become suspicious/angry if they have issues with anxiety, trust and so on.

Whether those negative behaviours are actually happening or not establishes whether that suspicion/anger is justified, or whether the partner would be justified in telling them to get their own head straight.

It's a bit of a catch 22. Either I am simply not irrationally suspicious by nature and nobody I have been in a relationship with has behaved inappropriately with other men OR they did and I am a total innocent who missed or ignored the signs and can be played like a fool. I can't be sure which it is. But, I can be sure I haven't done those things, so wouldn't comply with a partner effectively demanding I respect their lack of trust that I won't.