We’ve been together for 3 years and he has bailed on me a couple of times due to his own insecurities and issues. It was a struggle for me to trust again, but the last 6 months or so have been amazing and it seemed like we were really understanding each other a lot better. I don’t express it, but I am concerned he will leave again. Because it’s been so close and loving I finally fully relaxed inside. The other night I expressed to him how happy I am and secure I feel with him and he said he’s so glad and just wants to show me so much love, and I said he does and I couldn’t ask for more from how things are going. So we live apart at the moment and the conversation ended with me saying “I love you” and he said “I’m glad”. So I said “I’m glad you love me also”, to which he said “I don’t respond for responses sake”
so I said, ok, well let’s sleep honey, rest well. So then he said, “don’t give to get”. I said, well I never do…I express what I feel, so goodnight. So then he said “you love me and I took it. Go to sleep my eyes are gone now”
I literally couldn’t reply, I felt blindsided. This guy said he wants to marry me, and everything’s been amazing between us. I make tons of effort to show my love various ways and am always there for him, so I’m definitely not a taker.
so I went to sleep. The next morning I’d usually text first but left it. I messaged around midday, and said last night felt funny is everything ok?
so he sent me a message at the same time saying “now you’ve decided to not be in contact with me, obviously you’re upset with what I said. The reason I said what I said is I here it all the time, women on there phones saying I love you, and the reason they do it is so they’re told they’re loved back” and it turns my stomach, so I decided to just say I’m glad for once, and see what your response was, but you’ve taken it how you’ll take it”
I said, “It feels a bit like you’re game playing. When I say I love you it means something to me. I didn’t ask you to respond, saying your glad is a response, but why take it further talking about responding fir responses sake”
I was pissed off in my message as I hate game playing and he’s played games before. So I had an angry tone as it was voice message.
so then he responded saying everything’s so good between us, but it’s this, how “one questionable thing he says” and I’m upset. I said actually you say many things and I’m very relaxed ways many wouldn’t be…but this, it felt a bit of a head mess.
it descended into an argument because he then said “it needed to be said”
I started to feel majorly uneasy and insecure and wondering why “it needed to be said” he told me he can’t be with me now because I got angry with him.
so then I said a few nasty things and we haven’t spoken.
I just don’t know how it all happened like that so quickly and wondering if I was totally unreasonable.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Did I over react and ruin the relationship?
Seapearlstar · 23/01/2023 15:49
Ydkiml · 23/01/2023 15:58
He’s playing games to gain control. But you let yourself down by responding with the nasty response to him . I’d apologise for the nasty things you said to him and see what he says . Next time don’t scoop to his level
Ydkiml · 23/01/2023 15:58
He’s playing games to gain control. But you let yourself down by responding with the nasty response to him . I’d apologise for the nasty things you said to him and see what he says . Next time don’t scoop to his level
Seapearlstar · 23/01/2023 16:14
If you read the message fully you’ll see I wasn’t upset he didn’t say it back.
I say it because I mean it. He said “I’m glad”, I said “I’m glad you love me too” and goodnight honey
then he pushed it further saying “I don’t respond for responses sake” and continued with you don’t give to get etc etc. I didn’t reply and j went to sleep
If you love someone how would it ever be “responding for responses sake” I didn’t really understand what he was doing, and it just felt like a head game to me.
GoodChat · 23/01/2023 16:09
I'm not sure that he's actually completely wrong here. He's right in that you were upset because he didn't say he loved you back. What's the point in saying it just because someone's said it to you?
You should say it in those moments where you get that pang of "oh my god" - not just because.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
GoodChat · 23/01/2023 16:18
Read the updated conversation before you start with your shitty attitude @KettrickenSmiled
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.