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Original poster

To think this is more than enough maintenance to raise a child? (Friend conflict)

366 replies

Bessyioo · 20/01/2023 21:49

My very close friend was left when her dc was 1. It was brutal, he was having an affair with one of our other friends in our group.

She is now paid 1,050 in child maintenance. However, all I hear is how she is on the ‘back foot’ financially as she is on her own and a lot of our conversation is about how he should be providing more as he is a high earner. She has her own home and I don’t even have a mortgage yet! I may be being sensitive as I feel i struggle financially but surely surely anyone can see that that is a lot of money and pays for everything the child needs?!

OP posts:
BIahBIahBIah · 20/01/2023 21:51

Being a single parent will significantly impair her earning potential, unless she pays out for childcare. So no, if he's a big earner, I don't think £1k a month is a lot to compensate for leaving her holding the baby.

SmileWithADimple · 20/01/2023 21:52

It's not much as it has to cover childcare which is expensive.

Sucessinthenewyear · 20/01/2023 21:53

Where does she live? That money will mostly be taken up by the cost of childcare.

Lennybenny · 20/01/2023 21:53

Any cm she receives is not taken into account when benefits are worked out so friend is doing very well! But she'll be buggered when she stops receiving it when dc is 18 and she's spent all that time taking it into account with her finances.

I would've been happy with £40 a week for 2 ds so she's doing very well out of it and must be living above her means if she's complaining. Depends on his earnings but over 1k for 1 dc is pretty good and enough for most single parents...

Pumpmonkey · 20/01/2023 21:54

Does he ever have the child? Was her own home proceeds of the relationship?
for one child thats a significant maintenance payment!

Original poster
Bessyioo · 20/01/2023 21:54

yes she will be paying childcare and it will cover that.

After that she will have this income every month and no childcare which I think is a lot at that point and therefore the future isn’t as bleak as she’s making it out to be.

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright1 · 20/01/2023 21:55

Bessyioo · 20/01/2023 21:49

My very close friend was left when her dc was 1. It was brutal, he was having an affair with one of our other friends in our group.

She is now paid 1,050 in child maintenance. However, all I hear is how she is on the ‘back foot’ financially as she is on her own and a lot of our conversation is about how he should be providing more as he is a high earner. She has her own home and I don’t even have a mortgage yet! I may be being sensitive as I feel i struggle financially but surely surely anyone can see that that is a lot of money and pays for everything the child needs?!

I would dispute close friend. Doesn't even cover nursery bill

PeekAtYou · 20/01/2023 21:55

Maintenance is a percentage of the other parent's income. Unless you know his income, you can't really comment. 1050 sounds high but that's less than it costs for a full time nursery place here.

TheMatriarchy · 20/01/2023 21:55

Its all opportunity cost, your career is generally on the skids once you are left sole parent to a baby (doing all the drop offs, pick ups and sick days . It is galling to watch the childs father carry on as normal, while your life is unrecognised. And £1k is not even half the childcare if youre working fulltime.

buckeejit · 20/01/2023 21:56

That's not a lot if he's a high earner. About enough to cover childcare & not much more

underneaththeash · 20/01/2023 21:56

@Bessyioo do you have children?

TimeToFlyNow · 20/01/2023 21:57

Maintanance isn't taken into account when benefits are worked out so if she earns enough not to be getting universal credits or help towards childcare she's not doing badly!

Original poster
Bessyioo · 20/01/2023 21:58

No he has completely blanked her for her friend and none of us have heard from either of them since he left four months ago.

Agree it’s not much when you consider childcare but after that point it seems like enough to me… but I stand corrected. And no I don’t have children myself.

OP posts:
3WildOnes · 20/01/2023 21:59

1k would have covered half my full time childcare bill and nothing else. No extra money for clothes, food trips, etc. So no, it wouldn't really have been enough as wouldn't have been half my child's costs.

SpareL · 20/01/2023 21:59

Well since you say it covers childcare and that she will have this income every month and no childcare, then yes it does sound like your friend has it pretty good and should realise how lucky she is to be receiving such a high amount

Babyg1995 · 20/01/2023 22:00

That's not alot at all to bring up a child you don't sound like much of a friend.

Regularsizedrudy · 20/01/2023 22:00

How does this affect you in any way?

Original poster
Bessyioo · 20/01/2023 22:01

@Regularsizedrudy because it’s the only topic of conversation most of the time and I admit I feel frustrated by it.

OP posts:
RoseslnTheHospital · 20/01/2023 22:03

So she's only been receiving this money for 4 months or less?

How do you know her childcare costs btw, has she told you the specifics?

3WildOnes · 20/01/2023 22:03

You also sound like a shit friend. Her husband left her four months ago. Her whole world has come crashing down. She has been betrayed by two people and she now needs to face her new reality of bringing uo a child alone. All she needs right now is support and empathy.

Original poster
Bessyioo · 20/01/2023 22:03

@RoseslnTheHospital yes she’s told us all many times. Childcare costs when she returns to work soon will be 980 a month

OP posts:
Original poster
Bessyioo · 20/01/2023 22:05

@3WildOnes i do support her! But surely part of doing that is telling her that she will be ok? That 1k a month is a huge about to buy clothes and food and trips for her child? Yes childcare is a lot but that’s only for a year.

OP posts:
RoseslnTheHospital · 20/01/2023 22:05

Look, just tell her that you are struggling financially and find talk about money and finances difficult at the moment, if she is a good friend and you value her friendship.

If you are fed up with her, then maybe just back away from the friendship. You sound really quite angry at her, when she has had a very very shit time recently and hasn't done anything to deliberately hurt you.

FlippityFlippityFlop · 20/01/2023 22:07

Full time childcare where I am is just shy of £1900 a month - so it would only cover half of that. Not any of the extras (clothes, food, additional costs etc). So on that basis - no it's not "a lot". Just because it's more than a lot people get doesn't mean that she's not entitled to have a moan that the bulk cost and effort still fall to her.

PeekAtYou · 20/01/2023 22:08

Bessyioo · 20/01/2023 22:05

@3WildOnes i do support her! But surely part of doing that is telling her that she will be ok? That 1k a month is a huge about to buy clothes and food and trips for her child? Yes childcare is a lot but that’s only for a year.

School age children still need childcare. There's 13 weeks of school holiday a year and unless she can get to work after drop off and pick up on time she'll need before and after school
childcare too.