To think this is more than enough maintenance to raise a child? (Friend conflict)

[Bessyioo]

My very close friend was left when her dc was 1. It was brutal, he was having an affair with one of our other friends in our group.

She is now paid 1,050 in child maintenance. However, all I hear is how she is on the ‘back foot’ financially as she is on her own and a lot of our conversation is about how he should be providing more as he is a high earner. She has her own home and I don’t even have a mortgage yet! I may be being sensitive as I feel i struggle financially but surely surely anyone can see that that is a lot of money and pays for everything the child needs?!

Another family comes, more children, etc. The same money has to be split in two.

And this peach. Why on Earth would anybody be having more children if they can't even pay their half of the cost to raise the ones they already have?

So far then, for sticking up for other women and children on this thread (I have never even tried to claim CMS myself), I've been called "a bully", greedy" and "dumb". And told "no wonder my ex-husband left, he must be happy now".

Any more?

Oh and "bitter" 🤣

Maybe they fall in love with someone who hasn't had children yet or they want to have their own family.

You could spin this as why on Earth would a woman have a family when they hadn't secured a career.

Lots of what ifs and maybes.

Second families are always expected to suffer - it's not those kids fault either.

Maybe they fall in love with someone who hasn't had children yet or they want to have their own family.

Lots of people would love to have more children, but it's very irresponsible to do that if you can't evek provide properly for the ones you have already.

He's giving over £1000 a month 😂

Giving?

What is with these posts, making it sound like a father paying towards the costs of raising his child is a gift? Or some kind of benefit to the mother who should be grateful for it or something?

I do not understand this mindset, it'd bizarre.

It's his child. He is paying some of the costs of raising the child. This is not a "gift". If he earns £120k as a PP calculated earlier in the thread then he has over £6k net pay per month. £1k is then a pathetic "contribution" and as demonstrated in the calculations in the thread is highly unlikely to even cover his half of the costs related to the child, which should be the minimum, given the mother will be covering the other 50% AND caring for the child as well.

Ok she is taking.

He is contributing

He is providing.

£1050 is taken from him

Potato. Potato.

It's about 20% of his wage by time he pays tax. Do you think he should give all his wage to the ex wife?? He should Hve them 50/50 and help with childcare I agree. But £1050 is a lot of money on top of a wage, child benefit, maybe even universal credit. If £1050 isn't enough to feed and clothe the children with some left over tor clubs etc she's Mia-spending sorry.

He could have other kids now. He maybe did before we don't know.

Ok she is taking.

Do we know the child is a girl? Or do you mean you think for some reason this money is for the mother instead of the child?

He is contributing

As he should be. But is it 50% of the financial cost of raising his child, that he should be contributing as an absolute minimum given he's doing none of the actual work of raising his child?

He is providing.

As above.

Do you think he should give all his wage to the ex wife??

Maintenance is not for the ex-wife. It's to pay for the costs of raising his child. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

There are not enough eye rolls in the world for this. But I'll try my best.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

@NocturnalClocks

She as in the mother.

He is contributing - this will be what cms tell him to contribute based on his wage and not on how much the mother wants. We don't know if he has other kids, before or after, if these kids are after the first kids should the mother not receive anything because she shouldn't have had kids with someone who should be providing for the first wife and kids?

Are you ok? 😂

If nothing else, this thread has been eye opening at how low some people's standards are for men, how much misogyny they have internalised and how sad their lives will be when these same misogynists inevitably screw them over. I wonder how many cheerleading klaxons they'll sound for it then. Be back under different usernames asking for advice in 6 or 7 years. So naïve.

And no, before you chuck the "bitter" thing at me again, I did not divorce my ex-H because of infidelity.

It's still not great - the opportunity cost is pretty high if you're a lone parent. You can never just pop out to the gym, or stop for a drink after work with friends, or go to a regular class, because you don't have another adult at home.

Housing is really expensive, you have to pay for an extra bedroom for the DC, bills etc.

I'd definitely not take on a child for £1,050 per month!

Are you ok? 😂

Yes thanks. Life is good. Six figure salary. Home I own on my own. Beautiful garden. Two wonderful kids. Completely financially independent. Working towards early retirement. Lots of friends. BMI of 19. Feeling pretty great really.

How are you doing?

Your life sounds lovely. Take care 🥰

It sounds like a lot but her potential to earn is reduced due to childcare. I used to pay over £800 a month for CC, about 5 years ago. So in your df shoes I'd only have £200 left to pay for school uniforms, food, house them etc. plus it was difficult to 'get ahead' with my career as I always had to leave dead on 5, I couldn't ever work outside of my CM hours, and had to leave early if the dc were ill etc. I did manage to hold onto a decent job, but if I only had my dc eow, or not at all, I'd have been able to put an additional 20k a year on my salary and, chances are, I'd have been a lot more senior with better pay, pensions etc. So when you look at it like that, 1k a month until the dc are 18/21 isn't huge.

Your life sounds lovely. Take care 🥰

You too.

I probably should have tried harder with the eye rolls, I could have done more if I'd really put my mind to it.

I think this is another reason to go through cms. I know they're a bit shoddy but at least they review wages yearly and if the paying parent gets even a small rise, so should the maintenance payment. I think some dads started paying £80 ten year ago and expect it to stay that way even when they're now earning more 🤡

@amiold The CMA would cap his payments when he reaches a salary of £156,000, which he isn’t too far off.

I don't understand why they'll take big percentages from low earners and cap those raking it in. Makes no sense.

It wouldn't even cover (his responsibility for) 24/7 childcare for half of every month that he's walked away from, let alone the rest.
I bet he wouldn't swap places with her.

Here she is again. No, not comparing it at all. Explaining I do understand the cost of childcare because I too pay for it. Read the posts, stop twisting words and being insulting. I thought you weren't replying to be? I preferred that.

No, I don't have an ex. My husband's ex paid us maintenance. That's literally what it said?

Wow. Last two pages are basically baseless insults. I've said several times that I agree men should pay. I've explained I think the system has changed and I mentioned maintenance we received. From that I'm mysogynistic a t word whatever that is and bitter about my ex I don't have not paying enough.

You couldn't make it up. You clearly are very, very angry at your ex husband, despite apparently being so happy. If you were that happy, you would not be here making completely ridiculous posts, for things you think they feel, but they actually don't.

You said you were going to hide the thread, I think perhaps you probably should before you end up getting banned for repeated rule breaking.