To think this is more than enough maintenance to raise a child? (Friend conflict)

[Bessyioo]

My very close friend was left when her dc was 1. It was brutal, he was having an affair with one of our other friends in our group.

She is now paid 1,050 in child maintenance. However, all I hear is how she is on the ‘back foot’ financially as she is on her own and a lot of our conversation is about how he should be providing more as he is a high earner. She has her own home and I don’t even have a mortgage yet! I may be being sensitive as I feel i struggle financially but surely surely anyone can see that that is a lot of money and pays for everything the child needs?!

1k is more realistic after all the help from UC help, tax-free (80% up to 600), and 30 hours. So 1000 a month for child maintenance will cover the nursery (500) + child costs (500).

@3WildOnes I think a lot of people believe the gov and the "free childcare" rhetoric! I did until I got my bill for the first month after my free childcare kicked in.

Its all relative. I get no child maintenance and barely scrape by, but i live within my means.
If she is left with £70 a month after childcare she is doing better than alot of single mothers. All her salary is then her own for bills and her child.
Once her child is free, she will be entitled to free childcare upto a point, so will significantly reduce her costs.

I understand why youd be frustrated. Kids cost as much or as little as you want to a certain degree.
If you buy brand new boden every season, you cant moan about the costs, when supermarket/h & m are perfectly reasonable, likewise with food. They dont eat that much when theyre small. Its the days out that add up though

1k is more realistic after all the help from UC help, tax-free (80% up to 600),

How do you know she's on UC?

its a huge drop in income if she was previously sharing finances with a high earner.

give the poor woman a break her husband just left her holding the baby!

If she is left with £70 a month after childcare she is doing better than alot of single mothers.

I don't understand the relevance of this. Because other people have it worse it's ok?

Because she is complaining her ex is a high earner. Simple deduction.

You realise she's lost her whole future. It's not been very long.

OP, I suggest you come back to this in a few years once you have a child. If you think £1k a month is a comfortable amount to raise one, I disagree.

After nursery fees end you have: school uniform (endlessly expensive), wraparound/holiday clubs, lessons (might include the cost of a musical instrument and travel to venues, or competition fees), general clothes, days out, food (never underestimate the cost of feeding a child), the impact on your pension etc if you have to work part time, technology for school (secondary schools here all expect a child to have their own ipad that can’t have any personal stored on it, which means they need one for home and one for school)… That’s just the beginning.

@taxpayer1 wouldn't he be earning over 100k to pay 1k a month? I'm not sure why complaining about that means you are on UC?

If my husband left me & the dc I would be pissed about 1k a month. I've never claimed UC

Or she could just be a lower paid job or do less hours because of her child?

It may cover childcare but what else is included is
Food, clothing, and costs for the running of a house. Like power, baths, showers, laundry.
I think you can not compare or speculate on what is acceptable or normal
It is better the child has more than less for a quality of life with the higher cost of living.

Why should she take the hit on earnings and career progression because a man made a baby and then fucked off and abandoned that baby?

What kind of job does she do?
non Resident Parents can dictate when they are available for child contact (if at all) while a resident parent who has a job that involves working at night or travel may have to change jobs completely or limit their career because they can't travel. If you're in a couple then you can do that sort of work because of a partner.

If your husband leaves you and you have an average job (25k) and childcare costs, you would probably be entitled to UC. If you don't want to claim is up to you.

Poor woman. He left her only 4 months ago. What a betrayal. I'd have found it enormously hard bringing up a 1 year old on my own. It's relentless. Im surprised you've added a friend conflict to her struggles.

Well obviously she shouldn't, but the reality is thats what happens often when shitty fathers abandon their kids.

£1,050 will NOT cover childcare ffs!!! Not even close

@taxpayer1 I earn more than that, I'm not sure why you are assuming every mother is entitled to UC?
But that doesn't change the fact I would be annoyed if my DH who left me & who was say bringing 6k a month to the pot is now putting in 1k.

Oh, and @taxpayer1, meant to add- it doesn't matter if she is on UC, working or how much she is earning- her ex still has to pay for his child.

You said he left 4 months ago when the child was one. She'll need childcare for years surely?

He is paying 1k. The minimum wage is around 1.4k net. A lot of people live on that. She is receiving almost 3/4 of a full-time salary!

I dont think whether its 'enough' is really the point. The point is that the child isnt supposed to be disadvantaged by their parents splitting up. If the childs parents had stayed together and their dad is a high earner (I'm assuming £100k) he would have been bringing home at least £5.5k a month. Enough for the childs other parent to stay at home, or a nanny, lots of stuff that might benefit the child.

But now they've split up,
£1k a month will be a fraction of the dads salary. Why should the dad gave a financial advantage from splitting up? Why should the child have a worse standard of living? The mum has to make a nice home for the child and will be lumped with all childcare, clothing and other expenses if they have the child full time. They will also have to take the hit on career and salary, which is ok when you're part of a family but would suck if you're on your own. I take quite a big financial hit to be able to pick up my kids from school a couple of times a week as I dont want them to be in after school club every single day. That's a much harder decision as a single parent if the ex doesnt want to pay towards that, when they did when you were together

Ita all relative. So yes to lots of people £1k will be a lot of money. But the point is that to the childs parent, it isn't, and they should be wanting to give the child what they can afford not the bare minimum they can get away with

@taxpayer1 30 hours free childcare only applies from age 3! Also not every nursery offers it and many that do, have their places snatched up quickly

THIS!!!!