Pregnant by (unknown married) partner-handhold

[Desertislanddreamer]

So I met this guy through work, known of him for over 5 years but started seeing him a year ago. We both decided to keep it private due to where we work, but a few friends/family know of us. It was going so well, he was such a lovely guy and I fell for him pretty fast. He was separated from his wife and living with his parents sharing custody of his son until he could find a place of his own, not ideal but they are a lovely family and due to circumstances with his disabled son it helped with the caring aspect and juggling a very demanding job. Just before Christmas I found out I was pregnant. He was shocked but very supportive to begin with, promising everything under the sun and wanting to have the baby and be a family. I decided to have a private scan to find out how far I was and got the shock of my life when two little blobs appeared on the screen…yes twins! it unfortunately all went downhill from there.
I didn’t hear from him that night, or the next day or a week later. When I messaged or tried to call him all I got was, ‘I’m busy’
turns out he is still married to his wife and they are all living with his parents (his family have a pretty huge house). I then get a letter from them both stating that they have decided to stay together as a family and once I give birth he will of course be financially responsible for the children but that will be the extent of his involvement.
Im absolutely devastated, having to see him in work (which he has absolutely ignored me, it’s like I no longer exist)
I don’t know how to move on. I don’t know how to get over this.

I call bullshit on the 22 weeks, too. The odds of survival at 22 weeks would be almost non existent.

Babies need to be 24/25 weeks to have a chance.

Awful situation. Have you got much family support around you?

I know it will be hard for you but if you keep the babies, do not give up that job! Rub it in his face everyday and if anyone asks tell them matter of fact who the father is. Let HIM leave if he can’t hack it.

Depends how far along you are OP

Do you want these babies - are you prepared to raise as a single mother especially if any of them need extra help - what is your support network like

Or would you be prepared to be in contact with him if he wants to see the some of the time - ie are you prepared to be tied to this man for the next 18 years

@Cocobutt no they were never separated. I met his mum and knew his dad through work and when I questioned his dad he said the marriage is going through a difficult phase, hasn’t been a proper relationship for years and were only really together for the sake of their son but did tell him he had to make a decision and that as parents they’d support him. Friends said nothing.

Could you have a phone conversation ( bearing in mind his wife will be present) and have someone also in the room with you. They could take over if you became too dad distressed. At least you could ensure that his wife was aware of the actual facts. Such a horrible situation for him to leave you in. Xxx

i wouldn’t get rid of the babies
you’ll regret it all your life.

@grumpycow1 there is no way I’m giving up my job. I’m a solicitor, we both are and I’m not giving up everything I worked for because of that bastard.
I know it’s probably outing but who cares now. I need to not feel ashamed anymore.

agree with this, dont believe the façade.
I'm so sorry OP, this must be a terrible shock🙏

At age 39, I would make a frank pro and con list. Do you want children, and what if this was your last chance? Do you have support nearby. Can you afford it ( maybe do a calculator for child support etc) Either decision you make, there is no right or wrong, just what is right for you. Good luck x

I feel so sorry for you, sending you love and prayers your way. You will get through this, at least you seen his true colours now

I really feel for you op. What an awful situation and a disgusting week man.

If you want to have an abortion then of course you have that option. But if you wish to keep them, then also think that through. It would be hard but doable I reckon, you said you had support right? Don't let this cowardly little man make you do something you might not want to or anyone else.

There is counselling for this kind of thing to help you and support you through your decision.

Even if he wants nothing to do with them and you do decide to keep them, they will always be yours and this horrible man has no bearing on that. You've done nothing wrong.

I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide and may your life be full of happiness from now on.

Weak*

I would give him as little information as possible, copy all correspondence onto a document, no spontaneous replies, keep everything on your terms. Keep your powder dry and your cards very close to your chest, etc etc

How can you dare say this to someone?

^i wouldn’t get rid of the babies
you’ll regret it all your life.^

Sorry but this is bullshit.

I never regretted having an abortion. I would have fucked up my life if I'd gone on with the pregnancy.

Everyone and every situation is different.

Ugh. Go away with this shite.

You won't be alone though as you will have your w beautiful children and what a wonderful gift.
Do not let that selfish man or his poor wife be a deciding factor in your decision whether to keep your children or not.
This is your life and your children and you seem like a very good mother to be.
In all fairness you are in a much better position than his wife

How can anyone dare to suggest she doesn’t .
it’s called an opinion.
ands It’s mine!

OP, whatever you decide to do I would still meet up. But perhaps in a week or so when you're feeling stronger. Take a friend with you so it's not two against one. And tell her the truth. Armed with printed out screenshots of messages that she can take away if needed. Of him telling you that you can be a family and all that crap.

I agree with this. Obviously it's only your decision OP. But I had an abortion 9 years ago and I still feel guilty every day. It ruined my life really. I know not everyone feels like this after a termination but I wanted you to know that it it's very difficult for some people.

what an awful situation to be in

what a bastard

💐

That’s you isn’t it.
not the OP
considering she was excited and went for an early scan etc suggests she was pleased
why should this useless man change that.

thankyou

Hi I hope it’s ok to post , I’m also a solicitor , also had a unplanned pregnancy with a someone I worked with ( although thankfully a outside contract so he did not stay in my office ) and he was not married . He decided early on he had his kids and didn’t want another so offered financial help and messages one a year if that . We agreed he will never be a part of my child’s life ( now 5 ), I also had a teen for a previous relationship . I know it’s seems hard now but having my 5 year old was the best thing I ever did. I didn’t even realise I wanted another child until I had her .
personally with 2 babies I would accept the financial help ( and would make sure he paid when he is meant to pay ) and just live your life with your children . If have a good career , you will be ok . If anyone finds out just tell the truth .
you will be ok