Page 25 | Pregnant by (unknown married) partner-handhold

Desertislanddreamer · 2023-01-20T18:44:02+00:00

So I met this guy through work, known of him for over 5 years but started seeing him a year ago. We both decided to keep it private due to where we work, but a few friends/family know of us. It was going so well, he was such a lovely guy and I fell for him pretty fast. He was separated from his wife and living with his parents sharing custody of his son until he could find a place of his own, not ideal but they are a lovely family and due to circumstances with his disabled son it helped with the caring aspect and juggling a very demanding job. Just before Christmas I found out I was pregnant. He was shocked but very supportive to begin with, promising everything under the sun and wanting to have the baby and be a family. I decided to have a private scan to find out how far I was and got the shock of my life when two little blobs appeared on the screen…yes twins! it unfortunately all went downhill from there. I didn’t hear from him that night, or the next day or a week later. When I messaged or tried to call him all I got was, ‘I’m busy’ turns out he is still married to his wife and they are all living with his parents (his family have a pretty huge house). I then get a letter from them both stating that they have decided to stay together as a family and once I give birth he will of course be financially responsible for the children but that will be the extent of his involvement. Im absolutely devastated, having to see him in work (which he has absolutely ignored me, it’s like I no longer exist) I don’t know how to move on. I don’t know how to get over this.

Stomacharmeleon · 29/01/2023 21:09

Congrats :)

KettrickenSmiled · 29/01/2023 21:37

dogmandu · 27/01/2023 14:45

@KettrickenSmiled

I'm not going to answer most of your post but thought the 'hounding' pun quite funny.

Pretty big of you to say so dogmandu (genuine, not snark). Are you a Great Dane?

Am not even gonna look at the post to remember wtf, before being big enough in return to say thank you for a gracious comment you could have chosen not to bother making.

SueVineer · 29/01/2023 23:13

Desertislanddreamer · 25/01/2023 18:22

I have decided to continue the pregnancy. My maternal instinct is strong and I feel love and attachment to them already. Plus I know this will most likely be my last chance to have another child.
I’m not naive and nothing will prepare me for how difficult this journey will be on my own but I am in a very fortunate position financially and I have a huge amount of support.

This is lovely to hear- I’m a single mum to two (not twins though) that I had in my late 30s/early 40s. They have totally been the making of me - I love the bones of them regardless of how hard it can be.

very best of luck op and congratulations on your pregnancy

dogmandu · 30/01/2023 05:50

@KettrickenSmiled

Thank you!

crystalize · 30/01/2023 08:33

Many moons ago, I decided to raise my child alone after my partner announced he was married and blanked me afterwards. Like you OP I was absolutely devastated at the time, crazy with grief at being deceived.

I had an older child too and felt it was my last chance of having another child, even though friends and family were advising to terminate. Apart from the tough baby years, (he was a screamer!) life is wonderful with my 2 boys.

Also 10 years down the line his father made contact and after a cautious start, they now have a pretty good relationship.

Sending good wishes going forward for you OP. You will get over the heartache of being deceived and come to an acceptance.

Blacksheepy · 10/03/2023 23:17

The babies will be such a blessing, regardless of the circumstances. I always wanted twins! Just breathe and focus on one day at a time.

motherofC · 10/03/2023 23:48

I personally would struggle to terminate twins, i too have had terminations in the past. No matter what you decide you will make it work with or without them/him. You do deserve more but who’s to say there isn’t a man out there for you who will love the twins like their own.

BuffyFanForever · 11/03/2023 09:42

Really hoping all is going well for you OP and that your twin pregnancy is progressing well. Not an easy situation but wishing you all the best and your twins will bring you such joy.

Thelifeofawife · 11/03/2023 14:47

How are you getting on OP? Hope things went well with your daughter and your pregnancy is going smoothly 💐

W0tnow · 11/03/2023 16:33

My twins are about to turn 16. They are the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s not twice as difficult, in my experience. Maybe one and a half times!

Beaverbridge · 11/03/2023 16:46

Wishing you all the best lovely. X

Marciar · 12/03/2023 00:49

Whatever you do please do not abort the babies . If you are unable to take care of them there are people out there who are desperate to be parents and would adopt your precious twins .! It’s not their fault they were conceived, however they were . The most beautiful selfless thing you could possibly do is give them a chance . Life is precious in Gods eyes and if you do the right thing you will be blessed 10 fold I can promise you this . I’ve personally known women in this predicament and with twins as well ! Her and her boyfriend were unprepared for them but gave them up for open adoption and they can still visit their beautiful boys ! She has never regretted that decision ! There’s a silver lining to all this . You may not know what it is yet but you will . God bless you sweetheart , you were not treated fairly . What the man did is terribly wrong . But let that go and focus on you and what you need to do that is for the best ! Please make that decision you know in your heart that is the kindest thing . Remember these babies are also a part of you ! Make yourself proud , it will all work out , that I can assure you ! Much love and hugs to you ! One day you will find a good man who finds you completely worthy of love ! Many blessings coming your way !

Nucon · 12/03/2023 07:00

@Marciar op doesn’t need your guilt trip. It’s nobody’s decision but hers, do you have any idea how hard it would be to go through a twin pregnancy and then give them up for adoption. It’s not all rainbows and praise from god like you seem to suggest. And if you’d actually bothered to read her updates, you’d see she said a few months ago that she’s continuing with the pregnancy anyway

sunflowerandivy · 12/03/2023 07:23

@Marciar oh do one! Get off your high horse and p!ss off

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 12/03/2023 08:42

Life is precious in Gods eyes

Even the bible says life begins at first breath so take your sanctemoniousness elsewhere.

juliettesmother · 12/03/2023 11:28

@Marciar do bore off.

Rockingcloggs · 12/03/2023 11:31

Oh send your fairytales to fucksville @Marciar

Anyway, back in the real world, hope you're doing well OP.

RabbitDeadUnsoldHutch · 12/03/2023 12:57

Marciar · 12/03/2023 00:49

Whatever you do please do not abort the babies . If you are unable to take care of them there are people out there who are desperate to be parents and would adopt your precious twins .! It’s not their fault they were conceived, however they were . The most beautiful selfless thing you could possibly do is give them a chance . Life is precious in Gods eyes and if you do the right thing you will be blessed 10 fold I can promise you this . I’ve personally known women in this predicament and with twins as well ! Her and her boyfriend were unprepared for them but gave them up for open adoption and they can still visit their beautiful boys ! She has never regretted that decision ! There’s a silver lining to all this . You may not know what it is yet but you will . God bless you sweetheart , you were not treated fairly . What the man did is terribly wrong . But let that go and focus on you and what you need to do that is for the best ! Please make that decision you know in your heart that is the kindest thing . Remember these babies are also a part of you ! Make yourself proud , it will all work out , that I can assure you ! Much love and hugs to you ! One day you will find a good man who finds you completely worthy of love ! Many blessings coming your way !

Yeah foster care and adoption is✨easy and fun✨ for all involved - the system isn’t under funded and broken at all.
Its what god would want.

🙄

emilytheresponsibleone · 12/03/2023 15:15

As an adopter- @Marciar go away. You're clueless. a) read the thread. b) read something about adoption. When God gives enough foster carers and adopters for the kids already in care, then you can spout your rubbish. I'm assuming you must foster, right?

OP- congratulations on your decision, and all the best.

monsteramunch · 12/03/2023 15:29

emilytheresponsibleone · 12/03/2023 15:15

As an adopter- @Marciar go away. You're clueless. a) read the thread. b) read something about adoption. When God gives enough foster carers and adopters for the kids already in care, then you can spout your rubbish. I'm assuming you must foster, right?

OP- congratulations on your decision, and all the best.

This. I'm adopted and I completely agree.

I wonder whether @Marciar has chosen to adopt or foster at all? I'm yet to meet someone with her idealised, unrealistic and guilt tripping style posts who has actually done so.

AcrossthePond55 · 12/03/2023 16:22

Maybe @Marciar can ask OP (or another woman struggling with the hardest decision a woman will have to make) for her bank details so she can make regular contributions towards the upbringing of the new babies she's so desperate to 'save'. No? Thought not.

I'm another adoptee who believes in a woman's right to choose.

ladyforallseasons · 13/03/2023 17:28

Marciar · 12/03/2023 00:49

Whatever you do please do not abort the babies . If you are unable to take care of them there are people out there who are desperate to be parents and would adopt your precious twins .! It’s not their fault they were conceived, however they were . The most beautiful selfless thing you could possibly do is give them a chance . Life is precious in Gods eyes and if you do the right thing you will be blessed 10 fold I can promise you this . I’ve personally known women in this predicament and with twins as well ! Her and her boyfriend were unprepared for them but gave them up for open adoption and they can still visit their beautiful boys ! She has never regretted that decision ! There’s a silver lining to all this . You may not know what it is yet but you will . God bless you sweetheart , you were not treated fairly . What the man did is terribly wrong . But let that go and focus on you and what you need to do that is for the best ! Please make that decision you know in your heart that is the kindest thing . Remember these babies are also a part of you ! Make yourself proud , it will all work out , that I can assure you ! Much love and hugs to you ! One day you will find a good man who finds you completely worthy of love ! Many blessings coming your way !

If you'd bothered to read the thread, you'd have seen that the OP is continuing with her pregnancy

Ermweareemergencyservices · 20/03/2023 13:35

Hope you’re ok @Desertislanddreamer