So I met this guy through work, known of him for over 5 years but started seeing him a year ago. We both decided to keep it private due to where we work, but a few friends/family know of us. It was going so well, he was such a lovely guy and I fell for him pretty fast. He was separated from his wife and living with his parents sharing custody of his son until he could find a place of his own, not ideal but they are a lovely family and due to circumstances with his disabled son it helped with the caring aspect and juggling a very demanding job. Just before Christmas I found out I was pregnant. He was shocked but very supportive to begin with, promising everything under the sun and wanting to have the baby and be a family. I decided to have a private scan to find out how far I was and got the shock of my life when two little blobs appeared on the screen…yes twins! it unfortunately all went downhill from there.
I didn’t hear from him that night, or the next day or a week later. When I messaged or tried to call him all I got was, ‘I’m busy’
turns out he is still married to his wife and they are all living with his parents (his family have a pretty huge house). I then get a letter from them both stating that they have decided to stay together as a family and once I give birth he will of course be financially responsible for the children but that will be the extent of his involvement.
Im absolutely devastated, having to see him in work (which he has absolutely ignored me, it’s like I no longer exist)
I don’t know how to move on. I don’t know how to get over this.
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Desertislanddreamer · 20/01/2023 18:44
Coolheadedbird · 26/01/2023 21:56
I won’t be apologising as I have nothing to be sorry for. The only person that owes her one is him. I also won’t be involved in any blended family drama.
How about ‘I’m sorry this happened to us both’ ‘He’s played both of us’ It could go a long way, in building a good relationship with that side of your children’s family. I mean the lady is innocent and a victim in this as much as you, though as I seem to remember it was you looking up her Insta and not the other way around.
Now you’re mad when people mention blended families but isn’t that what you really wanted?
If the guy was indeed divorced and you got on to have this new family, his disabled child would have been visiting you every fortnight or perhaps weekly, depending on the severity of that disability, to give his wife some respite and ease his guilt. Wasn’t that the dream?
I know you can not see it now but being amicable can only bring benefits to you and your children and they have a right to knowing their siblings, and that includes your affair partner’s son as much as it includes your daughter.
Desertislanddreamer · 25/01/2023 18:22
I have decided to continue the pregnancy. My maternal instinct is strong and I feel love and attachment to them already. Plus I know this will most likely be my last chance to have another child.
I’m not naive and nothing will prepare me for how difficult this journey will be on my own but I am in a very fortunate position financially and I have a huge amount of support.
slippingdowntheabyss · 26/01/2023 23:11
Put everything down on paper so that you can consider the decision in a global way. I know it sounds cold but maybe given the emotional turmoil you are in, a cold hard logical decision might help.
Please read the thread. She's going to be a mum to twins.
What does a Global way mean?
I am a grandmother to twins, and they are dearly loved and are so different in ways and look out for each other. But like all children, there are good times and difficult times. I wish you well on your new journey with your babies.
KettrickenSmiled · 26/01/2023 22:01
@Coolheadedbird
Give it a fucking rest you pompous bore.
How about 2 grown women who want nothing to do with each other being allowed to do just that without randoms mithering on & pointless on about a fantasy blended family that neither of them are interested in?
dogmandu · 27/01/2023 09:50
@KettrickenSmiled
Give it a fucking rest you pompous bore.
What on earth's wrong with you? Some people have different views than you. It's the result of their life experiences. It does not make them bores or stupid.
Can you understand the concept that different people have different life experiences and therefor form different opinions?
You need to stop this constant nastiness when you don't like what somebody else is saying. You do it a lot. It's unpleasant.
KettrickenSmiled · 26/01/2023 22:01
@Coolheadedbird
Give it a fucking rest you pompous bore.
How about 2 grown women who want nothing to do with each other being allowed to do just that without randoms mithering on & pointless on about a fantasy blended family that neither of them are interested in?
Coolheadedbird · 26/01/2023 21:56
I won’t be apologising as I have nothing to be sorry for. The only person that owes her one is him. I also won’t be involved in any blended family drama.
How about ‘I’m sorry this happened to us both’ ‘He’s played both of us’ It could go a long way, in building a good relationship with that side of your children’s family. I mean the lady is innocent and a victim in this as much as you, though as I seem to remember it was you looking up her Insta and not the other way around.
Now you’re mad when people mention blended families but isn’t that what you really wanted?
If the guy was indeed divorced and you got on to have this new family, his disabled child would have been visiting you every fortnight or perhaps weekly, depending on the severity of that disability, to give his wife some respite and ease his guilt. Wasn’t that the dream?
I know you can not see it now but being amicable can only bring benefits to you and your children and they have a right to knowing their siblings, and that includes your affair partner’s son as much as it includes your daughter.
TicketBoo23 · 27/01/2023 07:07
He is also wearing a wedding ring. I have to say that stung too 😣
The one he took off when he wanted to play separated & single (even though apparently he wasn't) .... Wonder did he leave it on with the last woman or take it off around her too.
Yeah, it has a lot of meaning, that ring. A symbol of such sincerity and loyalty.
kateandme · 27/01/2023 06:25
I'm kind of glad you decided to op.congratulations luv. You Jo ahat I'm sobhappy for you.and this little one. Because it's one lucky thing.you are one capable tigeress.
I ew it was an act.when you said he was feeling bad I think nah he's just passing himself over what you going to do,how.much troubles lay ahead for him.as soon as you spoke that was his relief.bacl to normal km the cocky fucker.
What a sack if shit.
But he's just a sperms.a litteral little sperm. Your the mum,the babies 👶 going to be just fine with you on it's side.
Have you told your daughter?
What has his dad said.he new about the affair!?
You no him now.whne he's being who he is in the office,swallow the bile and smile smugly because you no he's a pitiful man.pity him.pity the macho,bravado. Pity the letter writing wimp.
Go show him what a real parent can do for her child.you rising hun.hes falling.
Your going to be great.
We are all here too anytime.
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Desertislanddreamer · 27/01/2023 15:12
No I haven’t told my daughter yet but I have an NHS scan on Tuesday so I’m going to tell her then 😁 funny enough I haven’t seen his dad in court since it all came to light, but I do know that he’s involved in another serious legal matter in another court so I take it that’s the reason why. His dad hasn’t reached out anyway.
Thank you for the support, means a lot
kateandme · 27/01/2023 06:25
I'm kind of glad you decided to op.congratulations luv. You Jo ahat I'm sobhappy for you.and this little one. Because it's one lucky thing.you are one capable tigeress.
I ew it was an act.when you said he was feeling bad I think nah he's just passing himself over what you going to do,how.much troubles lay ahead for him.as soon as you spoke that was his relief.bacl to normal km the cocky fucker.
What a sack if shit.
But he's just a sperms.a litteral little sperm. Your the mum,the babies 👶 going to be just fine with you on it's side.
Have you told your daughter?
What has his dad said.he new about the affair!?
You no him now.whne he's being who he is in the office,swallow the bile and smile smugly because you no he's a pitiful man.pity him.pity the macho,bravado. Pity the letter writing wimp.
Go show him what a real parent can do for her child.you rising hun.hes falling.
Your going to be great.
We are all here too anytime.
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