Pregnant by (unknown married) partner-handhold

[Desertislanddreamer]

So I met this guy through work, known of him for over 5 years but started seeing him a year ago. We both decided to keep it private due to where we work, but a few friends/family know of us. It was going so well, he was such a lovely guy and I fell for him pretty fast. He was separated from his wife and living with his parents sharing custody of his son until he could find a place of his own, not ideal but they are a lovely family and due to circumstances with his disabled son it helped with the caring aspect and juggling a very demanding job. Just before Christmas I found out I was pregnant. He was shocked but very supportive to begin with, promising everything under the sun and wanting to have the baby and be a family. I decided to have a private scan to find out how far I was and got the shock of my life when two little blobs appeared on the screen…yes twins! it unfortunately all went downhill from there.
I didn’t hear from him that night, or the next day or a week later. When I messaged or tried to call him all I got was, ‘I’m busy’
turns out he is still married to his wife and they are all living with his parents (his family have a pretty huge house). I then get a letter from them both stating that they have decided to stay together as a family and once I give birth he will of course be financially responsible for the children but that will be the extent of his involvement.
Im absolutely devastated, having to see him in work (which he has absolutely ignored me, it’s like I no longer exist)
I don’t know how to move on. I don’t know how to get over this.

[Soothsayer1]

Congratulations OP, I hope you will update us...but appreciate that you need to protect your privacy!
All the very best for the future😇

[ohyouknowwhatshername]

Congratulations! Best wishes for the future x

[Rockingcloggs]

Congratulations OP! What a fantastically strong mum those babies have!

[LoekMa]

You got this OP. Just reading your posts and seeing how composed you were even when some people tried to bait you, it's evident you're on a different wavelength and I wish you sincerely all the best.

Also your elder DD im sure will be very excited to have new siblings 😍 Keep your head high, this happened for a reason, you got this!

[OldFan]

Well done @Desertislanddreamer I think it's the right thing to do and if you want more LOs you definitely won't regret it. He's a dickhead but your LOs are a blessing.

[Andypandy799]

Congrats @Desertislanddreamer good luck with the twins and the pregnancy

[Mirabai]

Congrats OP.

[Mannymoomin]

Congratulations OP, you will be wonderful, going by your strength on here alone, I’m sure you’ll manage just fine.

Also, the pregnancy boards on here you may find a great help, all full of wonderful people, not the negative Nancy’s like you’ve had here

[Eastereggsboxedupready]

Congratulations on your up and coming twins op! Allow them to enjoy a carefree childhood without any drama if he has a turnabout.. When they are 18 they can go knock on his door and ask him why he was a twat...
Dc don't need a df who pops in and out when the fancy takes him..

[fairypeasant]

Congratulations on your pregnancy, OP.

[Pipsquiggle]

Great news OP. You are fantastically strong. Your babies will be lucky to have you x

[HowcanIhelp123]

@Desertislanddreamer

I have decided to continue the pregnancy. My maternal instinct is strong and I feel love and attachment to them already. Plus I know this will most likely be my last chance to have another child.
I’m not naive and nothing will prepare me for how difficult this journey will be on my own but I am in a very fortunate position financially and I have a huge amount of support.

Congratulations OP, I'm so glad you're choosing what's right for you and not been pressured by his shitty behaviour. Hope your pregnancy goes smoothly and you have two beautiful healthy babies!

[MelloYellow]

Congratulations.
Your dignity and class is astonishing in such a fraught situation and your babies (and DD) are lucky to have you for a mum
x

[Longdarkcloud]

Congratulations, then, OP and very best wishes for a good pregnancy.
You are to be admired for your strength and courage. So the new journey begins — you have what it takes and your DD will have the company of siblings.
I hope you will return in good time to update us on the happy event.

[Coolheadedbird]

That’s actually great 😊 well done on reaching a decision. I know I would probably have done the same if I had an only child, my instinct would have been to try and give them a sibling and a family. And as for men they’re here one day and gone the next, as he could have been yours and then shagging the next colleague a few years in. Not counting on him from the start could be a positive.

[HazelBite]

As a Mother of twins I send you congratulations, and suggest you join the twins and multiple birth association (TAMBA) who can be very helpful with many things that can occur during pregnancy and after birth and during childhood

[Desertislanddreamer]

Thank you all very much! I’m getting rather emotional reading all your comments, hormones are working thick and fast haha!

I will definitely look into joining TAMBA, I have a whole bunch of questions swirling around so they seem to be the right place to start!
I’ll keep you all up to date with the babies! ❤️

[Dontjudgeme101]

Congratulations to you. 💐💐💐

[arcencielpoisson]

I am thrilled for you.
Congratulations

[TheyCallMeMrBoombastic]

I think a number of us are invested in this thread (possibly because it could have happened to any of us) and really want things to go well for you!

Please come back in the future and let us know how things are going.

[DifferenceEngines]

Congratulations OP. The limbo, the not knowing, is really hard. I'm glad that you have been able to come to a decision.

[Coolheadedbird]

as of the guy maintenance until babies turn 21 will hurt him and his so called wife. It will create sparks in their relationship

You see this is exactly what you must not think like. It’s likely to keep u in a pool of negativity. It’s hugely important you have the babies of your own free will, that You really want them, and that you rid yourself of all expectation whatsoever. And if anything I would try and make good friends with the wifey. She is the mum of your kid’s sibling on their Dads side of family. There is no reason for you not to be a very happy blended family one day, and the key player in that will be you. I would never show any animosity towards her. You’ve both been fooled around and I think you will find that she’s a lovely person that hit trapped. If she was not lovely he would not have chosen to marry her. And her husbands actions are a separate matter and have nothing to do with her.

Being psychologically strong and clear will be your best weapon. No silly emotionally immature games.

[Coolheadedbird]

At the end of the day if you want the best for your kids it’s in their interest to have contact with their dad. So, any opportunity to have him in their lives should be positive for them.

Your kids won’t care how you feel about him or what went on. They will want a father figure.

[KettrickenSmiled]

What do you mean - so called wife?
She IS his wife.

Why are you wishing hurt & sparks on her?
Do you think she's not feeling enough pain, tied to a cheat by a severely disabled child, & knowing that her H has created children elsewhere, who with luck will be born healthy & have full lives?

And your offer to take OP's twins off her hands is ... weird.
So weird I've just deleted my thoughts about it, to spare any tender feelings. (OP's, not yours. I'm not feeling too tender toward a PP ill-wishing the unfortunate wife in this situation.)