So I met this guy through work, known of him for over 5 years but started seeing him a year ago. We both decided to keep it private due to where we work, but a few friends/family know of us. It was going so well, he was such a lovely guy and I fell for him pretty fast. He was separated from his wife and living with his parents sharing custody of his son until he could find a place of his own, not ideal but they are a lovely family and due to circumstances with his disabled son it helped with the caring aspect and juggling a very demanding job. Just before Christmas I found out I was pregnant. He was shocked but very supportive to begin with, promising everything under the sun and wanting to have the baby and be a family. I decided to have a private scan to find out how far I was and got the shock of my life when two little blobs appeared on the screen…yes twins! it unfortunately all went downhill from there.
I didn’t hear from him that night, or the next day or a week later. When I messaged or tried to call him all I got was, ‘I’m busy’
turns out he is still married to his wife and they are all living with his parents (his family have a pretty huge house). I then get a letter from them both stating that they have decided to stay together as a family and once I give birth he will of course be financially responsible for the children but that will be the extent of his involvement.
Im absolutely devastated, having to see him in work (which he has absolutely ignored me, it’s like I no longer exist)
I don’t know how to move on. I don’t know how to get over this.
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Pregnant by (unknown married) partner-handhold
Desertislanddreamer · 20/01/2023 18:44
Coolheadedbird · 26/01/2023 06:47
as of the guy maintenance until babies turn 21 will hurt him and his so called wife. It will create sparks in their relationship
You see this is exactly what you must not think like. It’s likely to keep u in a pool of negativity. It’s hugely important you have the babies of your own free will, that You really want them, and that you rid yourself of all expectation whatsoever. And if anything I would try and make good friends with the wifey. She is the mum of your kid’s sibling on their Dads side of family. There is no reason for you not to be a very happy blended family one day, and the key player in that will be you. I would never show any animosity towards her. You’ve both been fooled around and I think you will find that she’s a lovely person that hit trapped. If she was not lovely he would not have chosen to marry her. And her husbands actions are a separate matter and have nothing to do with her.
Being psychologically strong and clear will be your best weapon. No silly emotionally immature games.
Hi OP, I hope you are feeling relieved to have reached your decision & excited about the future. Your description of Mr Furtive avoiding eye contact & losing his swagger made me snigger. Bloody well done maintaining your cool around him in the workspace - you are tough-minded, smart & capable, your children are & will be lucky to have you.
Coolheadedbird · 26/01/2023 06:49
At the end of the day if you want the best for your kids it’s in their interest to have contact with their dad. So, any opportunity to have him in their lives should be positive for them.
Your kids won’t care how you feel about him or what went on. They will want a father figure.
Desertislanddreamer · 25/01/2023 18:22
I have decided to continue the pregnancy. My maternal instinct is strong and I feel love and attachment to them already. Plus I know this will most likely be my last chance to have another child.
I’m not naive and nothing will prepare me for how difficult this journey will be on my own but I am in a very fortunate position financially and I have a huge amount of support.
Wiluli · 26/01/2023 09:13
As someone who deals with divorces on a daily basis . I can assure you that’s nit always the case . It seems to me these 2 kids would be better without contact , specially as he is unreliable , misogynist and an awful role model . Do not assume 2 parents is always better than a stable single parent .
Coolheadedbird · 26/01/2023 06:49
At the end of the day if you want the best for your kids it’s in their interest to have contact with their dad. So, any opportunity to have him in their lives should be positive for them.
Your kids won’t care how you feel about him or what went on. They will want a father figure.
Coolheadedbird · 26/01/2023 09:09
And if you are ever in touch with wifey say that you apologise and had no idea he was married, because they were separated and you took him on his word. You may find she is a lovely warm person that understands you. It’s a long shot but not impossible, given that he chose her all these years ago there must be something lovely about her.
Coolheadedbird · 26/01/2023 09:09
And if you are ever in touch with wifey say that you apologise and had no idea he was married, because they were separated and you took him on his word. You may find she is a lovely warm person that understands you. It’s a long shot but not impossible, given that he chose her all these years ago there must be something lovely about her.
Toomuchinfor · 26/01/2023 13:21
Congratulations on your twins!
If I were you, I would imagine I'd conceived them using a sperm donor and just enjoy them for the wonderful, much loved little people they will be.
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Coolheadedbird · 26/01/2023 09:09
And if you are ever in touch with wifey say that you apologise and had no idea he was married, because they were separated and you took him on his word. You may find she is a lovely warm person that understands you. It’s a long shot but not impossible, given that he chose her all these years ago there must be something lovely about her.
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