Dating Thread 238 - Sex, Beer and Sausage Rolls (for the lucky ones!)

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Hi All welcome to a shiny new thread as we proceed into 2023 with support for those riding the rollercoasters of the world of dating.

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

As someone involved with a non texter I am envious of any communication other than arranging meetings but I agree if the tone or frequency changes it must be disquieting

Mollymolloy

id day that in a basic level you don’t know each other ! You do sexually but not as people

id also think maybe Tuesday is quite soon for a second date (that’s just me though)

so he’s tried and grumpy and a man
and your feeling vulnerable after sex
and he’s probably thinking what’s up with her !
and your thinking what’s up with him !

Thanks @Thisisworsethananticpated ..if we go out tonight, it will be our 4th date. He is supposed to be having his DSs from Weds to Sunday, hence the early date. I haven’t gone back to him yet about going out tonight..

Guys sorry haven't had time to catch-up with thread (am dealing with dying XMIL & three teens birthday this week 😬) but wondered how others would feel about dating someone who hasn't had a period of being single post split from soon to be XW?

Nice chats going on with a new iron who is still in family home until his new build house is finished (est June).

Doesn't sound ideal but to be fair I was swiping before my XH moved out and had my first date the day he did.

I wouldn't want to bin off a good un but do we think there is an important step between ending a long term thing and getting out there of 'finding oneself'?

Probably. He's miles away too.

I would be wary @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss … it could just be a night of him moaning about his ex. You do need some time to decompress after a break up…

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss Is he on there for casual/FB/fWB or a relationship?

Its seems very fast,why can't he wait until his house is built, he's moved in and had come time on his own?

Is he looking for a new wife as he can't be on his own?

Everyone needs a period of reflection when coming out of a relationship no matter how amicable the split

@Mollymolloy I would immediately think like you, and I have done with someone I was really, really into. And in hindsight, I think my reaction is what ended things partly. It was the "work is really busy and I'm tired" thing. But I'll never know for sure.

Whilst it goes against the emotional (overthinking) me, I really think that the most sensible approach is to react to things I know, not what I make up in my head after over-analyzing things. But then, it's a fine balance between that approach and (the feeling of, at least) being a bit naive.

For now, if I were you, I'd continue as is but just be a bit wary. And try to not overthing too much! And I hope you'll get clarification tonight 🙏

Here, I'm chatting to a few and met up with, let's call him Mr Clever, for the first time the other day. Very good conversation and it ended with some nice kisses (is it only me, but I really feel that I need to kiss someone to know if there's any point in continuing?..). He really ticks a lot of boxes but I'm not sure, but I think that might be due to my recent bad experiences. We're meeting tomorrow again (he texted immediately after the first date that he wanted to meet again soon...).

On another note - I have this very simple dress. Long knitted, no showing any cleavage or anything and it's not figure hugging but follows the body. I've worn it on dates with 7 different men and it has a 100% "success rate" so far. 😄

Also wanted so say yay to @beepbeepme . I love reading your updates. They give me hope!

Ooohh.. MrClever sounds very promising @confuseddotcom22 !!

Great outfit idea for date night. I am never sure how to play it..

He’s ok keeping you as a winter warmer. He’s looking for someone else too. I am sorry but he’s really not that into this. That is my opinion. When you have been together and DTD a bit more enthusiasm and positivity is normal. This guy is not there for you. I’m sorry Molly

Careful Oncey…you are smart and have antennae…I don’t believe these guys still living with family about to move out some time in the future. Pics of his new build? He wants to have some fun I think. If you are up for it it’s ok though. But this is looking a bit iffy…

Thanks for your honesty @Mila14. I definitely think that you are right.

It is a shame as we live quite near each other and have friends in common. I said that I would book the restaurant for tonight but, I can’t quite seem to summon up the enthusiasm to do it…

I am back on the apps and have started chatting to a new iron… onwards and upwards..

Agree with you…kissing is key to see whether some chemistry can develop. I like straightforward texting immediately after date. He’s really interested on you and I like the enthusiasm after a date

Your knitted dress is a date magnet 😂

Onwards and upwards. We need to protect ourselves here. If we want a relationship and we have just bonked you can’t say you are tired and treat me all matey. We haven’t been married 13 years. You should be gagging to see me again sciatic or no sciatic.
Keep the swiping going…better guys out there

Confused now…. I sent a very nice txt to MrP saying that he is lovely but, I think that we are after different things and wished him well with his search.

He came back saying that he is confused by my txt and thought that we were going out. He said that he felt that he made it clear that he wanted a relationship.

I gave him the benefit of the doubt and apologised and said that it might be my insecurity. I asked him if he still wanted to go for dinner.

He asked if we could leave it. He said that he likes me but, feels a bit fragile..

Have I really screwed up or did I do the right thing? I feel like a psycho now!!!

He’s not on it. But hates being dumped. Move on Molly. It will be yeah but no but yeah but no… waste of time

Molly …

He asked if we could leave it. He said that he likes me but, feels a bit fragile..

bit of gaslighting here too. Enough red flags. This guy doesn’t know what he wants . He’s probably in love with someone else

@Mollymolloy I've had that push pull rubbish done on me before and agree with @Mila14 that be probably just doesn't like you finishing with him as opposed to accepting his slow fade. Ultimately you won't know if you jumped the gun but what you do know is your gut was telling you something had changed, it was making you anxious and overthinking so either way you've probably made the right call

Thanks @Slothmomma … I am absolutely gutted as I really fancied him and the sex was great.

Don’t worry Molly. Protect yourself from these frágil guys who don’t know what they want. If they don’t want you they are not right. When the sex is great is always more complicated sadly

Mollymolloy

kindly (I’ve done this ) you might have overreacted a bit AND he might be fading or more realistically panicking after intimacy

I don’t necessarily believe he has a harem of other lovely women !
and he probably really enjoyed the night too !

but he might be a bit crap and emotionally unavailable

so tonight’s off , so be it

id maybe put him out of mind for now
but he might well be back
and if he is , then you can sound him out and try and see what he’s like

How are you Worsy ?

Mila14

im good thanks 😊
im over the covid
had a good therapy session today

I’m so resolutely single I’ll probably need to leave thread soon 😁

but starting to feel way calmer and less anxious

I’m reading everyone here and it’s actually triggering me as that was me last year
sorry !

I’m currently sitting outside a Starbucks having an internal freak out about my impending coffee date. I haven’t dated in years so this could be interesting 😂

Good luck! Hope you have fun