Dating Thread 238 - Sex, Beer and Sausage Rolls (for the lucky ones!)

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Hi All welcome to a shiny new thread as we proceed into 2023 with support for those riding the rollercoasters of the world of dating.

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Stayingstrongish yeah I'm not skipping my hobby night (something I look forward to all week) for a second date with a random.

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss no, not me with a really young one (I wish 😆). And as for deleting so soon, its not bold but he's just being rude. I messaged early Saturday evening suggesting any other evening this week and then again as I was heading out for night and have heard absolutely nothing since so don't think I've jumped gun exactly as he would have usually been in contact so assume has thrown toys out of pram. I thought we got on well but I have no time for rudeness or second guessing someone.

Yesterday evenings matches have both messaged already this morning so looks like they are keen to continue conversations which is good 😁

Reporting to the mothership! OMG. Just OMFG. He says I have low standards, but I’m happy and achy and a bit sore and it was indescribably worth it. He did make me get dressed and go to a farmer’s market, but then I dragged him back to bed. (Well, actually, he carried me. Didn’t need much persuading then!)

I don’t think he’s ‘my person’. He’d drive me INSANE to live with. He likes noise and bustle and never sits still. But with boundaries, the energy is good for me. And the sex. And the drive to go places and do things. (He is full of plans to go and do utterly random things with me!)

And I was Very Brave and said I expected exclusivity before I slept with him. It might not be how things are done these days, but I don’t think it’s a lot to ask. He didn’t seem phased by it. I did it with the do-you-have-condoms-or-do-I-need-to-bring-them option.

Roll on Tuesday. A midweek and a weekend liaison would be just fine for me. Realistically, I can’t abandon the Tween much more (not that she’d notice. Being in her room with the door shut and headphones in 24/7). She was actually pleased to see me when I got back, so I think me having a life might be good for her too.

Eeksteek

well done on the exclusivity chat 💬

to be honest I sometimes think we worry too much

I don’t think they (men ) have the abundance we imagine , we certainly don’t seem to !!!

but it’s done and clean now

Slothmomma

and admirable and effective boundary management there 💪

we learn don’t we !

says she who was straddling a young man in the back of his car 🚗 last night
classy
NOT

I know exactly how you feel. I felt like that when I got intimate with a date after not being with MrEx. I missed his mouth and his taste and it was so very difficult. One step at a time. Perhaps it’s too soon to get a FWB. Don’t worry and do self care 🥰🥰🥰

Yeah totally Mila

i don’t want to be gross but I liked having the smell of him on me

and when I came home yeaterday I wanted a shower 🚿

it made me even sadder and miss him even more !!!!
so a bit of an own goal really 😭

time as you said

Onwards Slothy…no time for hanging out if there’s no real connection. 2 irons! Wow…looking forward to getting the gossip

Hi everyone, hoping you all have a good week ahead. We have had a nice week and are well back on track. His youngest son is having his passing out parade from the army at the end of feb and he asked me to attend with him. I hesitated in my response as his ex wife and her partner will be there too and there is a lot of tension between them as the boys stayed with their dad and have a very limited relationship with their mum. That said I feel I probably should on his part and I get on really well with his boys too. What do you think?

Absolutely, you must go. I think it’s really wonderful you are included to such an important step in his life. Brilliant 🤩

Can I join?

Just a quick update on my dating history:

MrSmall - went on one date to the pub got well, lots of chemistry, he said he was looking for a relationship blah blah blah.... he then went cold on me and made the suggestion of a chilled night at mine. I slept with him, he then ghosted me.

MrNewZealand - not my typical type but had a good job and his own flat. Went on four dates then his DF was taken ill and he went back to NZ for 6 months and I never heard from him again. Deep down I new he wasn't the right guy for me but just my luck it ended that way.

MrDogwalk - First date was a walk with our dogs, second date bowling, third date another dog walk. Planned date four for a night in town, he then went cold on me and made the suggestion of a chilled night at mine (that old chestnut!) I declined and said I would rather go out.... he then ghosted me.

No problem. More guys around. It looks like they only want to sleep to with you which is disheartening but it’s good you have your boundaries and don’t fall for chilled nights at someone’s home until you feel like. Onwards and upwards… keep browsing and swiping. If you want a relationship it’s harder than if you wanted a FWB. Patience and welcome

I'm not sure if he is really, I've been very open from the start about my situation and my past relationships. We talk about our days most evenings when we don't see each other. I'd like to think he knows I'm honest. I told him I came off the apps straight away, which I did.

@beepbeepme Are you "matching his energy"?

Whilst you are offering details on yourself, opening up, being vulnerable - is he doing the same?

I'd always be wary of sharing too much too soon in respect of previous relationships etc.

What did he say when you said that you're off the apps?

@beepbeepme also, flip it round.

Don't worry about what he thinks about your honesty.

You know you're honest and open.

Focus on whether he is and what he's doing (not saying) to show you he is?

I think we're matching with how much we share, yes. When I said I was coming off the apps he said he was going to as well. I haven't checked because I had already come off and I'm not sure I want to really.

I think he is, but I can be naive at times. I'm keeping an open mind and hoping for the best.

I think he’s off apps too. He’s quite invested in you. You stay lovely and open and vulnerable. No one can fall in love with a wall of bricks. That’s what I believe. You are doing just fine. Relax

Just been messaging him about a medical thing he's had checked out and the question arose about what we're doing so I just put it out there, are we dating then? He replied, dating, courting, serious, I'm happy with that! So I hopefully can relax a bit now!

Please do. You hit the jackpot and are entitled to fully enjoy it. 😍

@Mila14 😊 everyone's telling me to be careful because it's happened quite quickly, but I just really like him and being with him. I'm going to throw caution to the wind and deal with problems if they arise. His profile was 100% accurate, no lies I can spot. So I'm going to trust him unless something comes up 😊

Exactly right 🙂

@Mila14 thank you. Been back on Hinge. I have a video call tomorrow so I will see how that goes.

Does everyone else do video or phone calls first? I feel it puts me at ease and I can get a sense of what they are like.

It’s good to do a video call. You can sense better before you date IRL. Best of luck

I had two phone calls before meeting, but each phone call lasted nearly two hours because we got it off straight away.

Ok… latest with MrP…
After another day of matey ‘chit-chat’, I said that judging but the change in tone of the comms, things have cooled between us..
He came straight back to say that it hadn’t his side and he had had a busy day. I said that on Sunday his txts were a bit few and far between and very tame. He then said that he was tired as we had been up all night.
Although at the start of the evening, he was fine. After our exchange, he said that he was poorly with sciatica. We were supposed to be going out for dinner tomorrow night. So, I asked whether he wanted to go out or see how he felt in the morning. He said that he was definitely up for going out. I was on such a high after our date on Saturday but, I am not really that fussed anymore….
Any idea what is going on?