Dating Thread 238 - Sex, Beer and Sausage Rolls (for the lucky ones!)

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Hi All welcome to a shiny new thread as we proceed into 2023 with support for those riding the rollercoasters of the world of dating.

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I would like to know what men look for in a profile - from my perspective - a selection of photos (not just one), a decent bio (no bio just looks lazy), selection of hobbies and activities and the quirk factor.

this is exactly what I would look for, but there are lots of profiles out there, and you are looking for something certain little indescribable ‘thing’

The other thing I noticed ( apologies in advance for this ), is that I (personally), found lots of female profiles to be quite negative, lots of “no”, or “not” terms, almost as if the person was trying to filter out people before even talking to them, any profile with more than 2 or 3 negatives in the 1st paragraph were just swiped away

I don't think I put much more than my likes (clever humour & great conversation) plus dislikes and 'Are you out there interesting men?'

I think this what some people find so difficult about OLD, its so subjective, if I read the above I would instantly swipe left as I (personally) think “Are you out there interesting men” is pretty rude, BUT clearly it struck a chord with Mr Cars, Mr Maker / Maker etc, maybe they see it as a challenge to rise too ( no pun intended)

Exactly @NoDatingForOldMen it is entirely subjective!

You and I would probably be a terrible match (I think you've pointed this out on other things I've said about my profile or the way I talk etc) and most likely would have swiped left on one another but latest iron saw my profile and thought 'Oh yes! A woman who talks my (sarcastic, tongue in cheek) language and likes all the things I like too...!' (and he identified as interesting and didn't think it was a rude thing to state he thought it was funny)

That's why it's important to be true to yourself and not bend your profile to meet someone else's ideal (like someone up thread said - no point in scrubbing up beyond your norm because your One True Amore might be a scruff looking for someone who smells of woodsmoke and patchouli).

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

all good

do be mindful to not have him on a pedestal and to enjoy life without him

that said it’s very hard to do that then it’s all 🥰❤️ and sex hormones

its all science 🧪

This thread wouldn't exist in 236 iterations if everyone immediately found the ONE

exactly !!!

Thanks @Thisisworsethananticpated
Good advice.

He's not on a pedestal. I feel the most calm and steady ever.

I do think he might have me on a pedastal and could therefore take a tumble (especially as he doesn't have 5 years of OLD and 672856784662 first dates) and he could think, ooooo I'm bored of that one I'm going back online to get another one. He could. When the novelty has worn off and I'm revealed to be a middle-aged woman.

Did you meet Mrs no Show to get your tools and chat a bit ?

Oncey… I know my opinion is not very popular here regarding falling in love first time making love but I still believe this things happen. I still think it can be happening to you too. It happened to me and MrEx and it can happen to anyone in this thread. Stay nice and vulnerable… so the other person can see you and fall for you

@NoDatingForOldMen
"could only assume that there were lots of grey-haired boring middle-aged fiftysomething men and I was just being lost in a sea (sack) of potato heads"

From my pov, anyone who has a couple of decent photos and has bothered to write something, would probably get a message from me.

I'm seeing a sea of blurry, up the nostrils photos. Or getting messages from sex pests who want to know about my stockings.

Out of the first 30 profiles I see on pof, there's only 2 who've made any effort.

I think I'm lost in the sea of filters and pouty selfies.

I know my opinion is not very popular here regarding falling in love first time making love but I still believe this things happen

I wouldn’t use the word ‘unpopular ‘😊

but I’d always bear in mind that for every success story (you and Mr Ex) which despite all has lasted many years !

there are many MANY failures , and we have seen some on this thread have we not !? I still don’t know what the fxxx happened with the recent keruffle with two posters

and some time out has made me realise my love feelings were , misguided

but bear in mind as a prominent poster people do listen to you !

I think I'm lost in the sea of filters and pouty selfies.

I know I’m not the popular person on this thread, but OMG, what is with women, filters & pouting - just no, and the group pictures of drunk women at parties 🎉, you have to play guess which one you are…

@Mila14 , yes thank you, I went over on Sunday, got my tools and few other bits, we had a chat and both of agreed that things had not ended in the best way ( in hindsight probably my fault), and we left it at that, we are not going to be seeing each others

@Mila14 I'm so grateful for you mentioning you and MrEx falling for each other within days all those years ago else I wouldn't have had a 'reference case'.

MrMaker and I are both sensitive and wise people who were both in long marriages to people we should never married but before that had some interesting romances. Neither of us have felt like we've met our identical twin before with anyone we've met.
And we fancy each other A Lot.

It can happen and I feel it’s happened to me. I have never felt so calm and sure about anyone like I have with MrF. He feels exactly the same too, it’s almost like we’ve met each other as the opposite sex 😂

we’ve only been together around 4 months now but it feels like I’ve always known him. These things can happen! Enjoy it, you’ve waited long enough to feel this way ❤️

Sorry to hear that. How do you feel about things now?

@OLDstolemybrain I'm going to go through the archives to re-read your initial MrF adventures!

Thanks for reiterating it's not always the stuff of fantasies 👍

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss 100% agree, it doesn’t matter what I think, it what mr Maker thinks that counts.

@MissObsessed im okay thanks, I was okay with my decision before I went over on Sunday, BUT, I should read rule 13 , oh how that has come back to bite me in the arse…

Who originally wrote The Rules? They are so very very very good!

Heard an encouraging story yesterday. Friend of a friend widowed 8 years ago -finally ready n to date last year aged 59. Meet Vs couples of men on Bumble and now several months all loved up with the second one she met-both now agreed 60. Her close friends wrote her profile after looking at others for ideas..

aged 60

I've name changed, but I'm still here, beepbeepme. Lurking.

Hi 👋 @nevertakeadvicefromsomeonewhosfallingapart

Good to see you. I think of you often. Hope you are ok.

Thank you. I'm ok. Very grateful for all the advice I received here.

Ahhh… thanks @VanillaSox. It is stories like that that keep me going!! I have found OLD pretty dire of late…