After 22 years together he now asks me to pay half?

[Nina55]

22 long-term relationship – unmarried 2 kids

Partner owns a house and pays bills which the 4 of us live in – often referring to this even now as his house / his bedroom verbally.

We have worked together for the last 20 years, perfectly fine, in his company. He pays me 1600 every 6 months, which I mainly being spent on kids, although I do work nearly full time, I do have lots of flexible time to move things about to suit the kids' needs.

Recently, he’s become more controlling and wanted me to do a job for a client I am not comfortable with. I explained the reasons why but he’s just not listening and twisting my reasons back to me.

He’s now saying I don’t want to work/contribute (which isn’t true) and should find another job. Over the last 20 years, I worked very hard to support the company.

I said fine. Then he followed up by expecting me to pay half of all the bills, which he never ever requested before in fact he made it clear it shouldn't when we first met. His financial situation is very good. I feel he’s just being controlling. Or is he right?

Tell me what you think. He says I am crazy and over-reacting …
You can be harsh, I just don't know what to think of this.

What should I do?

This is what I thought too, on your wage you wouldn't pay enough NI for a qualifying year I don't think.

So he may be claiming to the tax man that he pays you more than he is - he's probably deducting rent, bills and board himself and taking the rest of your money for himself - what an arsehole he is.

@Chiconbelge @Choconut no - the op stated earlier that she has claimed child benefit in her name for at least the last 15 years, if she also worked prior to having kids those years count too

OP did he give you payslips? He must provide you with these by law

No payslips but someone did mention it could be a divided payment. I am still to find out. He has been around a lot. Yesterday he say he changed his mind and if no longer work for him he doesn't want me to pay half of the bills but rent instead. He has no mortgage, we have 2 kids ... he says it only fair and reasonable.

You need to get another job

and then think very hard about where to live x

id also write a factual statements about what you’ve done for the company
tasks and work
and how much be paid you

id focus hard and practically on this actually as you and the kids need stability and this is over and above the relationship

if no longer work for him he doesn't want me to pay half of the bills but rent instead. He has no mortgage, we have 2 kids ... he says it only fair and reasonable.

He really is the gift that keeps on giving isn't he

Hope you are starting to find info you need.
He’s wanting you to pay rent to live in his house like a lodger now?
It really does sound like your relationship is over.
I’d get what documents you can safely and urgently take legal advice.
Did you check your status on companies house?

May I ask, what type of lawyer should I looking for? Anyone got an idea what I should be budgeting for because I probably need to save a little first.

What exactly are you supposed to pay rent from? You are being 'paid' £300 a month!

When you checked your NI information was there an option to check tax information? I saw online that you should be able to see the last five years. A pp had suggested that your 'D'P might have been reporting that he's paying you a certain wage and not paying you. I can't look at mine to see what's available as I failed the ID check ! Hopefully someone more knowledgeable will come along. Otherwise maybe an accountant can advise on checking your history with HMRC?

Might want to post this question in the legal section too.

Speak to Women’s aid. They’ll be able to give you specific advice for your area

If I remain working for him said I don't need to pay rent as he says that I already contribute but he still expects me to take on that 1 job I said no to.

If I go out working he says it's only fair I pay him rent as I no longer contribute to the company. I did ask why as I had a job when we first met outside of his and he didn't ask it then. His answer was we have kids now so bills are higher.

You need a family lawyer. Possibly in a different town if you live somewhere small where he may find out

Thank you. Will do.

Yes I was thinking that too. He knows a lot of people.

OMG he wants his 22-year partner and mother of his children who supported his business for 20 years by working full time for pennies, while rearing his children no doubt at little inconvenience to him... to pay RENT!

He's a c*nt OP.

I had a quick glance on Comp. House on the incorporation document. Pages I don't remember reading but nonetheless has my signature. It says I have 40 ordinary shares. But with more info I have no idea what this means.

Look at the Companies House info again & see if it tells you how many shares there are in total.

If you cannot find it, go to endole.com & do a company search there. Under "people" you will see exactly who is a Director, & under "finances", how many total shares, & who owns what.

I suspect this man has been 'paying himself' over the odds for years at your expense. All while you are tied to him with no money, no home, doing all the unpaid childcare. So please keep digging, because if e.g. there are 100 shares in total - bingo, YOU own 40% of the business. he might have to buy you out ...

Thank you.

Thank you. That's very useful.

He sounds like a cunt…and to think, you’ve shagged him at least twice 🤮 Get rid of that loser, you can do better.

What is his shareholding in the company, OP?

To be honest, and I’m not sticking up for the husband at all, but if the new arrangement moving forward is that OP gets a new job away from the company then surely it’s not unrealistic to expect her to contribute to the joint bills?!( I.e rent?)

Obviously the manner in which the husband has gone about all this is completely manipulative and underhand but he doesn’t own the house from what I can gather, it’s rented accommodation. Why does OP get to live rent and bill free, surely she should want to contribute? ( if a new job is the plan going forward)

Am I missing something? 🙈

It seems a later document of an emergency meeting regarding the shares took place (it lists the location and I never been there for sure) it then lists my shares as B shares. Says non voting, no fixed dividend and no right to assets when the company stops to exist. This document was only signed by him. It's all very mind boggling.