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Original poster

Spouse visa renewal / separation

163 replies

AutumnEnglishRose · 10/01/2023 21:35

Dear all,

I'm in a tricky situation with my husband and don't know where to turn for advice.

I'm British, he's not. We were together 17 years, married for 5. We have a little boy aged 6.

We were living in his country when our son was born, then we decided to move to the UK to be nearer my family. My husband applied for and was granted a spouse visa. This is a 5 year route to get permanent residency (Indefinite Leave to Remain or ILR) in the UK.

At first all was ok, but our relationship got increasingly difficult. We renewed his visa 2.5 years ago and it was granted again. Meanwhile our relationship went from bad to worse.

In March 2022, I couldn't take it anymore and asked to separate. He moved out of our home and I remained there with our son. He stayed in regular contact with our son and has done ever since.

At the time we separated, my husband was very worried about the impact on his visa, as he was here on a spouse visa based on our relationship.

At the time, I told him not to worry as I was sure we could just renew the visa - we had been together 16 years and had a child, it had been a genuine relationship all that time, but had sadly ended. Also, we had no plans to divorce yet, just live apart for a while and see how we feel. We decided to keep his post coming to my address and remain registered here for his work, etc.

Nine months later, he needs to renew his visa and I don't think I can sign the spouse declaration. Having read this, it says that "I confirm that we are living together in a relationship like marriage and intend to continue doing so" which is of course, not true. My husband is renting a room with a landlord nearby. We did recently have a family holiday with our son, to visit his native country, however this was platonic.

I'm very scared about the situation - we both work full time, and I am scared that if we apply to renew his visa, then get found out, we could face criminal consequences.

I have tried to have this conversation with him, and I have apologised for saying in the beginning that it would all be fine, as I was not thinking straight in the throes of a painful separation. I have told him that I want to help him given that he is my son's father, but I cannot sign something that could put me at risk of losing my job, or worse.

I have asked him to apply instead for the "parent of a British child" visa, which he is clearly entitled to, as our son is British and settled here. I have offered to support him gathering the evidence for this, which is basically our son's passport and a letter from his school confirming that his dad is involved in his life. This would be easy to obtain.

However, my husband says he is not prepared to do this, as applying for the "parent visa" means re-starting the 5 year clock before he can get permanent UK residency, which he had expected to get this year, 2023, through his current spouse visa route. He said that he wants to continue living and working here to be near our son, but if I refuse to sign the spouse declaration, he feels he will be left with no choice but to leave the UK and return to his country (which is very far away).

This course of action would be devastating for our 6 year old son who has a close, loving relationship with his dad, and who had adjusted well to our separation largely (in my view) because he has remained in close contact with his dad. Losing his dad to move to the other side of the world now, would be devastating. Also, it would be very hard for me to parent him totally alone, as I work long hours, and also depend on the child maintenance support my husband provides.

I have tried saying all this to my husband and implored him to see sense and apply for the Parent Visa, with my support. But he remains firm in his stance that I must sign the document or he will leave. He has also alluded to removing financial support, not having anything more to do with me/our son, etc. He currently provides a decent level of child maintenance support to me, without which I could not afford to continue paying the mortgage on our (small) home and providing for our son.

I am considering signing the document because the alternative - my son losing his father, and financial difficulties - seems even worse right now than the risk of getting into trouble.

Can anyone give any advice? I cannot afford to speak to an immigration lawyer by myself (again, I have suggested this to my husband and offered to pay halves for a consultation but he refused).
I'm desperate to do the right thing for my child, and feel lost.

Thank you

OP posts:
ToddlerMumma · 10/01/2023 21:51

My husband was also here on a spouse visa so I understand your situation. He is blackmailing you to get ILR. He can get FLR on the parent route and wait another 5yrs to get ILR with few consequences (apart from paying the fees every 2.5yrs) so what are his objections exactly? The home office are so harsh on rule breakers, it's not worth a ban, perhaps remind him of that

fairgame84 · 10/01/2023 21:53

The thing is if you sign it and get found out then they will probably cancel his visa anyway because it's fraudulent. However my husband is also on a spouse visa and I can't say 100% that I wouldn't sign it in your situation just for the child's sake.

Why is he so bothered about the family route? It's just a longer way of getting to ilr. Do you think he really would move back to his home country or is he just trying to manipulate you to doing it his way?

2FelisCatus · 10/01/2023 21:57

I'd sign it. It was a shitty thing to do to him and your son. If he applies for a new route he will have to do it from outside the U.K. (or at least that's my understanding) which will mean a prolonged absence from being in your sons life. Go pay for an immigration lawyer and have them lay out the options. Home office will find any reason they can to reject his visa. He must only need one more renewal then ILR? It seems daft to not sign for one last visa.

Babyroobs · 10/01/2023 21:57

Stick to your guns. It's not worth risking getting caught lying over.

monsteramunch · 10/01/2023 22:02

2FelisCatus · 10/01/2023 21:57

I'd sign it. It was a shitty thing to do to him and your son. If he applies for a new route he will have to do it from outside the U.K. (or at least that's my understanding) which will mean a prolonged absence from being in your sons life. Go pay for an immigration lawyer and have them lay out the options. Home office will find any reason they can to reject his visa. He must only need one more renewal then ILR? It seems daft to not sign for one last visa.

But she would be signing an official document requested by the government, that says they are living together, when this is very clearly not true if anyone was to look into it as he now lives elsewhere and has his own address. OP would be opening herself up to a criminal offence by signing it and it would be a very easy lie to uncover as there will be a paper trail from his rent etc.

fairgame84 · 10/01/2023 22:03

@2FelisCatus parent route can be applied for within the uk so he won't have to leave.

2FelisCatus · 10/01/2023 22:05

It really wouldn't. They aren't divorced. He's lodging and therefore won't be listed on utility bills etc. I'm an expat who originally came on a spouse visa and we know 2 couples who had this happen and simply carried on until ILR was granted. The chances of home office investigating this are slim to none. I think if she wants him to return to his home country to sort the visa he should get to take their son with him or at least sort out some kind of prolonged visit.

nc1013 · 10/01/2023 22:05

When in 2023 does he expect it to be awarded? Could he not temporarily move in and live an a separate room for a few months for the sake of staying in DC's life?

All sounds very civil with the platonic holiday etc

Babyroobs · 10/01/2023 22:06

monsteramunch · 10/01/2023 22:02

But she would be signing an official document requested by the government, that says they are living together, when this is very clearly not true if anyone was to look into it as he now lives elsewhere and has his own address. OP would be opening herself up to a criminal offence by signing it and it would be a very easy lie to uncover as there will be a paper trail from his rent etc.

Show quote history

Yes exactly and could have other implications as well. If op lost her job and needed to claim benefits as a lone parent temporarily, that could completely jeopardize that, as could having him registered at her address still.

2FelisCatus · 10/01/2023 22:09

At best this will cost him thousands of pounds more to start over. He will likely lose his job while he needs to buy plane tickets back and forth and start the process over. This is not a cheap process. The chances of him actually returning and having a relationship with his son are very slim given the giant financial obstacles that will be in the way.

LadyMcLadyface · 10/01/2023 22:09

Really sorry you are in this situation. Re. immigration advice, this is a regulated area so nobody can or should be giving you specific advice on that unless they are qualified - you've said you cannot afford to consult an immigration lawyer but depending where you're based there might be some free services available. You could contact your local Citizens Advice Bureau (www.citizensadvice.org.uk/immigration/) and you can also use the OISC website to find an adviser - you can filter the results and there's an option for non-fee paying services (home.oisc.gov.uk/adviser_finder/finder.aspx).

Can understand your ex partner's frustration to an extent as it must be a frustrating situation to be in, but that does not make it OK for him to bully and coerce you into making a false declaration about your relationship especially since as you've said it could have serious consequences for you. If he's a good father he will do what he needs to do - independently - to continue his relationship with his child, even if that involves the cost or inconvenience of switching to another visa route. Your relationship has ended, he has another route to settlement available to him, it's up to him to sort this out. If he's behaving like this now and is prepared to make these threats to get you to do what he wants how can you know you'll be able to trust and depend on him in futute even if you sign the papers and he gets his ILR?

springerspanielpuppy · 10/01/2023 22:09

What does the immigration lawyer advise? There is a reason why people need to be registered to give immigration advice, it’s a minefield.

gwenneh · 10/01/2023 22:14

You were meant to tell Home Office the relationship had broken down when you separated. www.gov.uk/visas-when-you-separate-or-divorce

Stick to your guns and don't make any declarations that aren't true. The fallout won't be the kind of example your son needs either.

Beachloveramy · 10/01/2023 22:14

My DH is going for ILR this year and if we had split I would still sign it. The 3k ish it costs every 2.5 years is extortionate and he may not be able to afford to pay it if he has to start again whilst also supporting himself and paying maintenance/shared responsibilities.

Your relationship has been genuine and people split and get back together all the time. Hard to prove you hadn't done that at the time of the application.

fairgame84 · 10/01/2023 22:16

2FelisCatus · 10/01/2023 22:09

At best this will cost him thousands of pounds more to start over. He will likely lose his job while he needs to buy plane tickets back and forth and start the process over. This is not a cheap process. The chances of him actually returning and having a relationship with his son are very slim given the giant financial obstacles that will be in the way.

It won't cost him anything in plane tickets. He can apply for a parent visa in the uk. It's FLR FP. FLR visas are in uk applications.

AnotherSpare · 10/01/2023 22:36

I don't know the legalities around visas so cannot advise from that angle, hopefully someone else can.
But I would say, don't be blackmailed or guilted into signing a legal document because of your son. Your son can have that close relationship with your ex-partner through the "parent of British child visa" that you've mentioned.
It doesn't make a difference to your son what visa his father is here on, so long as he is here. So if your ex chooses to leave, that's his choice, it's not on you. You are willing to facilitate the correct visa application and actively co-parenting, both of which are admirable and the correct things to do. Don't put yourself in a position of legal risk by lying.

Littlemisspig · 10/01/2023 22:54

I would sign too, worst thing that can happen is the visa gets cancelled but at least you tried to make it easy for him and your son.

gwenneh · 10/01/2023 23:04

The worst thing that could happen isn't the ex's visa being canceled. The OP would also be charged with a facilitation offence.

www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/immigration-annex-1-tables-immigration-offences

Littlemisspig · 10/01/2023 23:36

gwenneh · 10/01/2023 23:04

The worst thing that could happen isn't the ex's visa being canceled. The OP would also be charged with a facilitation offence.

www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/immigration-annex-1-tables-immigration-offences

Highly unlikely to be fair, this sort of thing is commited all the time these days, it is part and parcel of the immigration problem, it is pretty insignificant

monsteramunch · 10/01/2023 23:47

@Littlemisspig

Highly unlikely to be fair, this sort of thing is commited all the time these days, it is part and parcel of the immigration problem, it is pretty insignificant

Unlikely? Maybe.

Worth the risk to OP, a single parent with a young dependent? Nah.

The fact lots of people do something doesn't mean that the consequences for an individual are different.

PacificallyRequested · 10/01/2023 23:54

I'm not normally a rule breaker, but I would absolutely sign it in this situation, when your XH is so close to getting ILR. I'd argue it's in your son's best interests to sign it.

horriblehistorian · 10/01/2023 23:57

I am on a spouse visa in the UK and would never forgive my husband if he wouldn't sign my application. I moved to the UK because of him really, to some extent to give our children a broader options (not even a better life mind), but have sacrificed a lot myself (career opportunities, seeing my family regularly etc). If I was asked to go through the same process of applying for a visa (it can be quite humiliating), I would probably just take the children back to my home country. I really think you should sign - can you even imagine what it means being an immigrant here on a quasi visa, how much more difficult it is to find a place to rent, a permanent job etc. He does have a point

Stiginthedump · 11/01/2023 00:07

monsteramunch · 10/01/2023 23:47

@Littlemisspig

Highly unlikely to be fair, this sort of thing is commited all the time these days, it is part and parcel of the immigration problem, it is pretty insignificant

Unlikely? Maybe.

Worth the risk to OP, a single parent with a young dependent? Nah.

The fact lots of people do something doesn't mean that the consequences for an individual are different.

The other consequence is the father could be deported and that would be really sad as he wouldn't be allowed back for a good few years

HamBone · 11/01/2023 00:19

He currently provides a decent level of child maintenance support to me, without which I could not afford to continue paying the mortgage on our (small) home and providing for our son.

Do you jointly own the house, i.e., is he entitled to live there? Could he move back in and live as a family with your son?

magma32 · 11/01/2023 00:19

I wouldn’t sign it, way too risky and I don’t like that he’s using blackmail and then threatening to leave your son and not pay child support 🙄 I just couldn’t get passed that tbh. You can be honest with your son and tell him you were following the rules and his dad decided to leave. I wouldn’t let anyone make threats like that. As though you’re the only one that gives a shit about your son seeing him and he can just dispose of his son.

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