Spouse visa renewal / separation

[AutumnEnglishRose]

Dear all,

I'm in a tricky situation with my husband and don't know where to turn for advice.

I'm British, he's not. We were together 17 years, married for 5. We have a little boy aged 6.

We were living in his country when our son was born, then we decided to move to the UK to be nearer my family. My husband applied for and was granted a spouse visa. This is a 5 year route to get permanent residency (Indefinite Leave to Remain or ILR) in the UK.

At first all was ok, but our relationship got increasingly difficult. We renewed his visa 2.5 years ago and it was granted again. Meanwhile our relationship went from bad to worse.

In March 2022, I couldn't take it anymore and asked to separate. He moved out of our home and I remained there with our son. He stayed in regular contact with our son and has done ever since.

At the time we separated, my husband was very worried about the impact on his visa, as he was here on a spouse visa based on our relationship.

At the time, I told him not to worry as I was sure we could just renew the visa - we had been together 16 years and had a child, it had been a genuine relationship all that time, but had sadly ended. Also, we had no plans to divorce yet, just live apart for a while and see how we feel. We decided to keep his post coming to my address and remain registered here for his work, etc.

Nine months later, he needs to renew his visa and I don't think I can sign the spouse declaration. Having read this, it says that "I confirm that we are living together in a relationship like marriage and intend to continue doing so" which is of course, not true. My husband is renting a room with a landlord nearby. We did recently have a family holiday with our son, to visit his native country, however this was platonic.

I'm very scared about the situation - we both work full time, and I am scared that if we apply to renew his visa, then get found out, we could face criminal consequences.

I have tried to have this conversation with him, and I have apologised for saying in the beginning that it would all be fine, as I was not thinking straight in the throes of a painful separation. I have told him that I want to help him given that he is my son's father, but I cannot sign something that could put me at risk of losing my job, or worse.

I have asked him to apply instead for the "parent of a British child" visa, which he is clearly entitled to, as our son is British and settled here. I have offered to support him gathering the evidence for this, which is basically our son's passport and a letter from his school confirming that his dad is involved in his life. This would be easy to obtain.

However, my husband says he is not prepared to do this, as applying for the "parent visa" means re-starting the 5 year clock before he can get permanent UK residency, which he had expected to get this year, 2023, through his current spouse visa route. He said that he wants to continue living and working here to be near our son, but if I refuse to sign the spouse declaration, he feels he will be left with no choice but to leave the UK and return to his country (which is very far away).

This course of action would be devastating for our 6 year old son who has a close, loving relationship with his dad, and who had adjusted well to our separation largely (in my view) because he has remained in close contact with his dad. Losing his dad to move to the other side of the world now, would be devastating. Also, it would be very hard for me to parent him totally alone, as I work long hours, and also depend on the child maintenance support my husband provides.

I have tried saying all this to my husband and implored him to see sense and apply for the Parent Visa, with my support. But he remains firm in his stance that I must sign the document or he will leave. He has also alluded to removing financial support, not having anything more to do with me/our son, etc. He currently provides a decent level of child maintenance support to me, without which I could not afford to continue paying the mortgage on our (small) home and providing for our son.

I am considering signing the document because the alternative - my son losing his father, and financial difficulties - seems even worse right now than the risk of getting into trouble.

Can anyone give any advice? I cannot afford to speak to an immigration lawyer by myself (again, I have suggested this to my husband and offered to pay halves for a consultation but he refused).
I'm desperate to do the right thing for my child, and feel lost.

Thank you

Are you sure that the clock would reset on the qualifying time before he can apply for ILR?

Yes the clock re-sets. My DH had his clock re set twice to zero for switching visa routes and also being out of country more than 90days.

@Rainbowshine and @HamBone
with respect - you clearly haven’t ever dealt with UK immigration service.

Or lived as immigrants in any of the countries considered ‘desirable’ and hence Immigration seeing itself as the guardians protecting it from undesirables.
I digress.

OP’s situation isn’t really complicated or very special. It’s not really a question whether time resets on ILR if you change visa type. This does not need to be confirmed.
OP either signs the papers and things are easy. Her H will get his papers and they will divorce. Life will go on as normal .
Or she chooses to make it all very stressful and unpredictable for her, her son and her H.

@jsku Actually I have for another first world country. Going through an immigration process is awful and you never feel truly comfortable until you become a citizen with equal rights to your spouse. Even being a permanent resident doesn’t feel as secure.

The spouse with citizenship always has the upper hand in this situation and the OP clearly doesn’t appreciate this. She needs to consult an immigration lawyer, because her misguided assumptions and reassurances when they separated have definitely contributed to this situation. Plus she’s living in their marital home while he rents a room.

I know it wasn’t deliberate, but she needs to accept her part in this mess.

@HamBone

Immigration law isn’t that nuanced. And isn’t trying to be.
And lawyers will happily take her money and won’t tell her anything different from what people who went through this process already told her.
She has 2 options.
Option 1 - lawyers won’t be able to advise her, unless she describes it all in hypotheticals. And even then. They can not say - it’s low risk to sign.
Option 2 - they’ll tell her what he’ll need to do to apply as a parent. They’ll say there is no guarantees. They will not be able to promise anything.

What do you think she will get from talking to the lawyers at this stage?

Her promise to help her H get through the process isn’t legally binding. She is holding w massive axe over her H’s future in this country and his being in her son’s life. It’s a gamble even if he decides to stay and jump through the hoops again to stay in the country he only came to follow her. He may have been controlling before - but she is the one with power now. And she can deal out as much revenge as she wants.
And lawyers won’t be pointing this out.

I think we're actually in agreement, @jsku, she's the one with the power, despite what other posters have said. As you say, unless you've been in an immigration situation, you don't truly understand how much power the citizen spouse has.

I'm suggesting a lawyer, because it sounds as if both of them made false assumptions about the renewal process when they separated, which has led to this dilemma. If she'd known then what she'd have to sign, they may have handled it differently. They mustn't make any more incorrect assumptions, IYSWIM. I feel sorry for both of them.

This. It's less than a year to go.

@AutumnEnglishRose I should also add, I work in the Civil Service. I have security clearance.

OP this is potentially a massive issue for you as you are already aware. Im also a civil servant and would not lie on my security clearance interview.

@jsku actually yes I have had plenty of experience of UK immigration - working in HR I have been responsible for right to work issues and managed the sponsorship license for a global company. Believe me I have had to dismiss people because they have lied about their circumstances for a visa and that’s deceiving your employer. Gross misconduct aside that’s a breakdown in trust and confidence and therefore a dealbreaker in pretty much every reputable employer in the UK, as a civil servant the OP would need to be squeaky clean with this.

I’d sign it.

you’re putting him back 5 years if not.

the chances of being found out are minimal.

if necessary I’d even ask ex to move back in for 6 months until ILR was granted.

don’t do this to your sons dad

Her sons father has done this to HIMSELF, by being controlling and emotionally abusive. That people are seriously suggesting OP invites him to move back in is unbelievable

Don't sign it, don't risk your own job/freedom for this man. He has a valid option for a visa, its his own fault it will reset his 5 year clock and cost him more, and make him put his masters plans on hold. Some of us would say its the price he has cost himself for the way he treated you. Actions have consequences, even for abusive bully men!

Its not as simple though as just sign, you'll never get found out etc. The OP has stated shes a civil servant with a security clearance interview due. So, does she lie at this interview to protect an ex partner who she says has been emotionally controlling and now feels blackmailed by. Or be honest and not sign his papers ??

@AlmostAJillSandwich The OP hasn’t answered this question, but it sounds as if it’s the jointly owned marital home so he didn’t really need to leave in the first place. Regardless of the visa, he may be able to move back in, instead of living in a rented room. 🤷

@Rainbowshine

Then it surprises me that you aren not aware that changing a visa type does reset ILR allocation.
And yes - of course when people lie to companies hoping to secure work visas - and found out it causes problems.
This isn’t the case here.

OP’s H isn’t trying to sneak into the U.K. to use our resources and benefits. He came because his W wanted to come home. They made a life for their son here. Then relationship ran into issues and originally OP had some remaining good will and also probably she wasn’t sure how permanent the patchy stage was. It’s just normal life. Things happen.
They are NOT divorced. There is no active deception. Just a sad situation for all involved.
With OP feeling ‘blackmailed’ while in actuality - being in total control of the situation.

He is abusive and controlling and trying to blackmail her.
Plus if found out her career will probably be over.
Did you not read the thread properly or don’t you care?

Don’t lie. Should he then go to get a passport they ask you some very particular questions (eg how do you get from you house to a specific place) and they will find any holes in a story.

Are you sure the 5 years clock starts again? I applied for ILR 10 years ago and this wasn’t the case then. I switched from Ancestry to Spousal as the spousal was easier to settle off. I certainly didn’t start the 5 years again. I went straight on to apply for ILR after I got the spousal. Got the spousal, went straight to ILR, got citizenship- all within about a year IIRC. (I paid the extra few hundred to fast track each application so as not to be left without my passport for months.)

Its blackmail. Once you commit a crime, he may put worse pressure on you.

He has a straight forward way to obtain a Parent of british child Visa. His objections to it are flimsy and not your problem. If he has any feelings for your son at all, he'll stay in the UK to be near son.

Do NOT get inveigled into falsifying the spouse form, and risk a criminal record for yourself. The fact you don't cohabit is easy for the Govt to uncover.
Much of the evidence is not in your control; for instance he has an employer and a landlady both obliged to keep accurate. official records

<assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/947434/Suitability-false-representations-v2.0ext.pdf>

But he also needs me (who pays 90% of his living costs)

Not according to your first post which stated he paid decent maintenance without which you couldn't afford your mortgage - so you need him more than he needs you?

It's ridiculous to rely on family to pay £2.5k fee of visa renewal on the parental one. If I were him I'd say ok then, but I'll be paying you the basic CMS from now on as I'll need to put aside money for each visa renewal and there would be nothing you can do about

I want to reiterate, parental visas are not easy to get. It is not just a passport and a letter from school or whatever the OP says. They are much harder to get than spousal visas, particularly when all his paperwork shows them as a family still.
OP, his lifestyle and access to his child is entirely in your hands and I'm sure you know this. It was very foolish to not consider all of this months ago. The home office doesn't make allowances for mistakes or emotions.
I would sign it, it's only a few months then he has ilr and you can divorce.

Plus if he starts again he would have to pay another 5 years of the NHS fees, 2.5 years upfront each time, that's £1,500 on top of the visa fees of around £1,000- £1,500.

So £3,000 plus plane fares and other costs to leave the country and reapply, then in 2.5 years time another £2,500. To live in a country he only came to for you to start with. I think in your situation, for the sake of your son and out of human kindness I would think very hard about 'giving things another go' for at least another year.

He doesn't need to leave the country to reapply, FLR is an in uk application.

Ok, so £2,500 for in UK visa fees and NHS contribution
Then another £2,500 in 2.5 years time.
On top of the £5,500 he/ he and the OP have already paid.

As I said upthread, I feel sorry for both of them. Regardless of what happens re. the visa, OP, this dilemma has at least highlighted what you need to consider moving forward. You don't feel that you can sign the form, because reconciliation is clearly off the table. So, divorce is now inevitable.

A rented room probably won't be a suitable place to host your son during your ex's access time, so threats aside, his financial contribution may decrease due to his increased housing costs. If you jointly own the home that you and your son currently live in, that will be an asset during the divorce.

Ultimately, the status quo is going to change and it's best to plan for it now.

How can he even think of leaving his son rather than do things properly?
To say the words out loud?
He is an absolute shambles wasteman

@mamaison
Are you sure the 5 years clock starts again?

YES it starts again when you switch view types OR switch routes within visa types, ie from 10yr route to 5yr route or vice versa.

I have SC clearance and from your description you are probably DV or eDV?

Do not lie on anything. The vetting team will catch it and it is your job on the line. They are thorough as shit at DV level, even my SC took 5 months to come through. It's a really tough decision but you cannot put your clearance at risk