Spouse visa renewal / separation

[AutumnEnglishRose]

Dear all,

I'm in a tricky situation with my husband and don't know where to turn for advice.

I'm British, he's not. We were together 17 years, married for 5. We have a little boy aged 6.

We were living in his country when our son was born, then we decided to move to the UK to be nearer my family. My husband applied for and was granted a spouse visa. This is a 5 year route to get permanent residency (Indefinite Leave to Remain or ILR) in the UK.

At first all was ok, but our relationship got increasingly difficult. We renewed his visa 2.5 years ago and it was granted again. Meanwhile our relationship went from bad to worse.

In March 2022, I couldn't take it anymore and asked to separate. He moved out of our home and I remained there with our son. He stayed in regular contact with our son and has done ever since.

At the time we separated, my husband was very worried about the impact on his visa, as he was here on a spouse visa based on our relationship.

At the time, I told him not to worry as I was sure we could just renew the visa - we had been together 16 years and had a child, it had been a genuine relationship all that time, but had sadly ended. Also, we had no plans to divorce yet, just live apart for a while and see how we feel. We decided to keep his post coming to my address and remain registered here for his work, etc.

Nine months later, he needs to renew his visa and I don't think I can sign the spouse declaration. Having read this, it says that "I confirm that we are living together in a relationship like marriage and intend to continue doing so" which is of course, not true. My husband is renting a room with a landlord nearby. We did recently have a family holiday with our son, to visit his native country, however this was platonic.

I'm very scared about the situation - we both work full time, and I am scared that if we apply to renew his visa, then get found out, we could face criminal consequences.

I have tried to have this conversation with him, and I have apologised for saying in the beginning that it would all be fine, as I was not thinking straight in the throes of a painful separation. I have told him that I want to help him given that he is my son's father, but I cannot sign something that could put me at risk of losing my job, or worse.

I have asked him to apply instead for the "parent of a British child" visa, which he is clearly entitled to, as our son is British and settled here. I have offered to support him gathering the evidence for this, which is basically our son's passport and a letter from his school confirming that his dad is involved in his life. This would be easy to obtain.

However, my husband says he is not prepared to do this, as applying for the "parent visa" means re-starting the 5 year clock before he can get permanent UK residency, which he had expected to get this year, 2023, through his current spouse visa route. He said that he wants to continue living and working here to be near our son, but if I refuse to sign the spouse declaration, he feels he will be left with no choice but to leave the UK and return to his country (which is very far away).

This course of action would be devastating for our 6 year old son who has a close, loving relationship with his dad, and who had adjusted well to our separation largely (in my view) because he has remained in close contact with his dad. Losing his dad to move to the other side of the world now, would be devastating. Also, it would be very hard for me to parent him totally alone, as I work long hours, and also depend on the child maintenance support my husband provides.

I have tried saying all this to my husband and implored him to see sense and apply for the Parent Visa, with my support. But he remains firm in his stance that I must sign the document or he will leave. He has also alluded to removing financial support, not having anything more to do with me/our son, etc. He currently provides a decent level of child maintenance support to me, without which I could not afford to continue paying the mortgage on our (small) home and providing for our son.

I am considering signing the document because the alternative - my son losing his father, and financial difficulties - seems even worse right now than the risk of getting into trouble.

Can anyone give any advice? I cannot afford to speak to an immigration lawyer by myself (again, I have suggested this to my husband and offered to pay halves for a consultation but he refused).
I'm desperate to do the right thing for my child, and feel lost.

Thank you

The other consequence is the father could be deported and that would be really sad as he wouldn't be allowed back for a good few years

Won't the fact he has a child here mean this won't be the case? PPs have said:

He can get FLR on the parent route and wait another 5yrs to get ILR with few consequences (apart from paying the fees every 2.5yrs) so what are his objections exactly?

parent route can be applied for within the uk so he won't have to leave.

It won't cost him anything in plane tickets. He can apply for a parent visa in the uk. It's FLR FP. FLR visas are in uk applications.

Your son can have that close relationship with your ex-partner through the "parent of British child visa" that you've mentioned. It doesn't make a difference to your son what visa his father is here on, so long as he is here. So if your ex chooses to leave, that's his choice, it's not on you.

And that was my understanding of the process for his situation too.

I may be wrong though?

So you'd rather OP take the option which has a definite consequence - ex moving home and leaving her unable to afford her mortgage or provide for her son - over something which is much less likely?

@AutumnEnglishRose

You are still married. And he is near the end of the process and will get his ILR next year. There is no risk what so ever to you.

A close friend did this for his exW. They separated, she even started another relationship. But she was a few years off getting her ILR and he decided to do the humane thing and not ruin her life. She would have had to leave her job, leave the country upon losing her work visa. Etc.
They didn’t live together, he even went to another country to work for a bit. There was no issues at all. At the latter stage of application you don’t need to prove your relationship anymore. He’ll just have to prove he continues to live in the U.K.

You have been together for a long time. He is your child’s family. And he isn’t a compete stranger to you. Please do the right thing and don’t treat him this way.
If not because you are a decent human being - then for your son’s sake. What do you think he’ll think about it when he grows up and realises that your not signing a piece of paper is the reason for his dad not being around in his childhood.
It’s a terrible thing you are considering doing - he moved countries for you.

He is a second class citizen here as is until he gets his ILR. People who here say - let him really and wait another 5 years - clearly have never been immigrants in their lives. And relaunching the application will be disruptive to his life. And I do not blame him for saying he’ll leave - as it’s unforgivable on your side.
You promised him you will support him.

There is no risk to you. At this stage of application - no one checks residency. You have a very straight forward case. It’s just a matter of filing papers.
Life is not starkly black/white.

In addition - practically - you’ll have to think about the risk of he moves back. You will have to let your son go and spend time with his dad in his home country. And what if he refuses to return him? Etc.

I would sign it.

I would just sign it too, especially given that he's so close to permanent residency. He's your husband and the father of your child.

He’s blackmailing you and that isn’t ok. However, I totally understand his desperation because the immigration process is very stressful and ‘resetting the clock’ when you are within touching distance of the finish line, must be galling and there’s nothing certain in the process. What moth would the ILR be granted, can he not move back in until it is granted?

Don't sign it. He's blackmailing you and honestly doesn't even sound like he gives a shit about your son if he's threatening to leave and never see him.

It feels to me like you'll be walking into a trap by signing it falsely. Be careful. Follow the law and you can't get in any trouble.

Do NOT lie to UKVI

I would maybe consider it if there was no other visa he could get but he can switch, yes it's not ideal but that's life

A good father would do anything to stay near his son, if he leaves that's on him

I'm an immigrant myself saying this btw

@dreamingbohemian The big questions are whether he'll be compelled to leave the UK once his current visa expires and while his "parent" visa application is going through. Or whether he can work during the five-year application period?

If either of these situations apply, it's a huge mess. He may have no choice but to return to his home country and find work there. One of my neighbour's had a visa problem a few years ago and had to return to India for about four months while it was sorted out. Luckily it was fairly minor, and his employer kept his job open - but it was horribly stressful for his wife and children. He hadn't lived in India for several years, so he was reliant on relatives to put him up!

The first question I would ask myself is the marriage abusive or just unhappy.

if there is no abuse, could the two of you reconcile enough to be civil for the next few years? That way you wouldn’t be lying when you sign the form.

I wouldn't sign it and I have been an immigrant and lived in that horrible limbo, having various routes and visas and having to leave and come back.

Lying to them means his status is forever slightly dodgy. And you're at risk if you lie.

It is a terrible choice but the fact is you aren't in a cohabitation situation.

His current visa status would be extended while waiting for the outcome of the new application, as long as the new application is made 28 days or more before the visa expires.
Signing the form fraudulently would mean he has one more thing to hold over the OP, and since he clearly isn’t afraid of manipulation would he hesitate to use it?

@gwenneh Ah, so he’d be fine for the five -year application process.

I still can’t help but feel abit sorry for him, the OP is in her home country with full rights, whereas he’s so close to permanent residency and it’s all fallen apart. I wonder how the OP would feel if the situation was reversed?

The OP hasn’t answered the question about whether the house is jointly owned ( she’s probably asleep now!), it does as if it’s listed as his permanent address.

*it does sound

His current visa status would be extended while waiting for the outcome of the new application, as long as the new application is made 28 days or more before the visa expires.

Actually, he can apply to switch visa routes at any time. He didn’t have to wait for his current partner visa to expire; he could have applied for the parent visa the day he moved out. Now he has lost 9 months of time.

Once on a route to settlement: To renew a visa, or apply for ILR- you cannot apply for this any earlier than 28days before the current one expires. Your statement implies you have to apply 28 days before expiration or earlier…that’s not the case. It’s from no earlier than 28days prior to expiration up until the day of expiration.

I have offered to support him gathering the evidence for this, which is basically our son's passport and a letter from his school confirming that his dad is involved in his life. This would be easy to obtain.

The evidence needed is actually a lot more than this. Not saying you should sign the form, you can’t because you don’t live together which is a requirement for the partner ILR.

What I am saying is that your DH isn’t guaranteed a parent visa and may end up being removed back to his home country. His fears are not irrational. But it’s not his or your fault, it’s the immigration rules that do split up families.

I would strongly recommend an immigration lawyer.

We decided to keep his post coming to my address and remain registered here for his work, etc.

This is really where the problem/misunderstanding started, they agreed that legally, they were still living at the same address.

If it’s like the American State Department, they will ask questions such as “What did your wife wear to bed last night?” You will be asked the same questions in another room. It’s hard to fake this.

Nice lot of guilt tripping here calling OP inhumane if she chooses to act lawfully.

OP do not sign it. A few reasons why:

1. If found out he would be deported.

1. The consequences on you if you were found out.

1. Giving into his emotional abuse will give him more fuel to continue it.

1. Finally, and no one has mentioned this, if he's willing to blackmail you over signing this form, can you imagine how much blackmailing he could do once you sign the form? If you don't do X then I will inform Y that you acted illegally.

Really good points. I think @gwenneh mentioned point 4 above but yes his blackmail of OP does make him seem very capable of this. He could become very controlling, if not already.

Absolutely no way in hell I would sign it. He has a different option, yes it's annoying but that's tough luck. What he is doing is awful!

I'd probably do this if you can remain civil with him, but that's easy to say when the risks are theoretical. I can understand why he doesn't want to go through another 5 years of costs and visas, especially if you've got to fund 2 sets of living costs now, he may be unable to afford it. Making threats to leave his child and pressuring you to lie really isn't nice, if he has specific worries he should sit down and discuss those, if it's unaffordable he should say that.

Absolutely sign it - how disgusting that you wouldn't.

It's nothing like the US.
You don't have face to face interviews as standard for uk visas.

Well I’ll say with some degree of authority it’s true, that it’s unlikely anything would happen to you if found out. The immigration problem is huge, small boats is the biggest issue right now, the fact he’s entitled to stay anyway under a different category anyway means absolutely zilch would happen to you, unless you work for that department of course in which case you’d be sacked. Playing by the rules you should have informed the home office as soon as the marriage broke down so you’re already not following the rules.

A colleague of mine is going through this. Only she will definitely not sign and I doubt the husband will be entitled to parent of a British child visa given he see’s her every 2wks and then goes to work and gets his 16yr old to care for her. Even the 16yr old decided to stay with the step mum rather than her bio father as he’s so useless. So I expect he will be going back and I have zero sympathy for him as he came to the U.K. and never worked a single day, living off my friend and sleeping in bed all day whilst she was trying to care for a young child and work at home at the same time.