Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should he be paying for his own meals now

183 replies

Blue789 · 04/01/2023 10:44

My hubby's birthday is coming up and we normally go out for a meal with some family. My stepson is 29 and has worked since leaving school, he's not short of money but extremely tight with it. We don't normally see him, and only heard from him in the past whenever he's wanted something.

My question is: should my stepson be paying for his own meal now if he joins us for his father's birthday meal out?

Last time I invited him to join us for his father's birthday, he didn't want to drive and insisted he wanted picking up as he wanted to have a drink, didn't have a card for his father and caused a massive scene in the restaurant as he refused to pay for his own meal and insisted his father and I should pay for his. It was really awkward and so embarrassing and even the waiter was gobsmacked by his behaviour.

OP posts:
Sickofcoughing · 06/01/2023 08:05

Mon33xx · 05/01/2023 11:09

Wow I am totally gobsmacked at these replies.

I'm 31 and for my mum or dad's birthday, I would arrange the meal myself and treat them on the day. Just like they do my birthday.

I couldn't imagine my mum or dad telling me when THEIR birthday meal is and then I go along and don't even offer to pay my own meal, let alone theirs too!

Sounds like everyone is raising entitled brats to be honest...

Me too.

rookiemere · 06/01/2023 08:14

Mari9999 · 05/01/2023 23:43

I guess the point is that there are various ways of handling invitations. Families handle it in ways that are most comfortable for them.

There is no reason to think that any one way is more appropriate than the other. Families have traditions that they follow within their own comfort zones and financial resources.

This exactly.

My DPs have more disposable income than we do ( of course this is probably because they don't buy iphones and other modern fripperies) and they enjoy being able to pay for us.

The tables have now turned and they don't go out any more as covid triggered health anxiety for DM, therefore we pay for takeaway meals from the carvery as they can't download the app.

MajorCarolDanvers · 06/01/2023 09:02

Yes he should pay but don't use a birthday as the moment to tackle this.

MintJulia · 06/01/2023 09:10

Blue789 · 04/01/2023 11:00

Again someone has assumed he is not made aware when invited that he is expected to pay for his own meal now he's older and working. This was made clear to him last time he was invited but he still refused to do so at the restaurant, although the other stepson had no issues with paying for his own meal and told him he should be paying for his own meal too.

If you invite him at all, definitely don't pick him up. If he refuses to drive to celebrate his own father's birthday, then it solves the problem.

Liorae · 21/04/2023 09:19

tribpot · 04/01/2023 10:53

I met my parents for a Starbucks yesterday (at a truck stop off the M1, we know how to live) and they paid for all of us. It's just what you do for your kids, isn't it?

In quite a lot of families it's what kids do for the parents.

topcat2014 · 23/04/2023 16:26

I expect the "not seeing him" and "not treating him to anything" go hand in hand.

Nanny0gg · 23/04/2023 19:00

DeadbeatYoda · 05/01/2023 18:57

😳 'invite them to say thank you?'
Wow!

Show quote history

Think you misread?

I don't think she meant invite them to say thanks but the invitation is the OP saying thank you

Bayleaf25 · 23/04/2023 19:24

My dad and MIL nearly always pay (and we’re 50), we always offer of course but they rarely take us up on it (apart from when we specifically took MIL out for Mother’s Day). I think they are happy that they can afford to still treat us (and we have higher outgoings - mortgage, kids etc).

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread