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Original poster

Should I message?

384 replies

AbiVenete · 03/01/2023 10:21

Years ago, while backpacking, I met a man who I instantly clicked with and we had a whirlwind 7 days of the most amazing sex I have ever had. We both had separate flights and we agreed to meet back in UK. He wrote his name and number in a book (this predates mobiles and Facebook) which I then lost.

A few weeks ago, while reading the news online, I instantly recognised his face, name the same… he has just taken a high profile job in my region. I immediately felt that tinge of excitement, looked him up, he’s on LinkedIn but nothing obvious anywhere else so no idea if he’s single or anything.

Am I being ridiculous to think about messaging? He probably a) wont remember me b) is married or unavailable. I am single again and keep drafting messages but unsure exactly what to say. Should I message or just leave it in the past?

OP posts:
ABBA73 · 05/01/2023 20:56

girlmom21 · 05/01/2023 20:43

She should just be cautious @ABBA73. She's getting excited and dolled up which is lovely - and may have a happy ending - but it might not.

She IS being cautious, she's already stated that several times along with the possibility that it might not have a happy ending.

ABBA73 · 05/01/2023 21:04

Alaldlccmemsjzja · 05/01/2023 20:56

Why can’t she ask if he’s available before she goes to meet him?

Show quote history

Maybe she feels that would be too forward, perhaps she would be more comfortable asking that face-to-face?

roses2 · 05/01/2023 21:06

Fingers crossed he’s single, please come back to update!

beastlyslumber · 05/01/2023 22:41

Alaldlccmemsjzja · 05/01/2023 20:56

Why can’t she ask if he’s available before she goes to meet him?

Show quote history

Same reason he hasn't brought it up either. Much easier to shag first, ask questions later. If he's actually single, I'll eat my hat.

Although given the disappearance of the OP I'm wondering if she already knows the answer!

girlmom21 · 05/01/2023 22:46

@ABBA73 and if her words matched her actions I'd agree with you.

maryofthevirginkind · 05/01/2023 22:57

How amazing and exciting, roll on tomorrow!

twinmum2022 · 06/01/2023 06:42

Excited for the update OP - good luck today!

Dustyblue · 06/01/2023 07:36

Please be single, oh please be single.

For some reason these song lyrics are stuck in my head:

"Who can explain it, who can tell you why?
Fools will give you reasons, wise men never try".

Some enchanted Friday.....

Original poster
AbiVenete · 06/01/2023 09:44

Morning Everyone, apologies for my ‘disappearance’, just been busy at work.

Ive read through the responses and just want to reassure people that I will not, ever, be the ‘other’ woman and have an affair. I value myself too much. The notion that I might ‘shag first and ask questions later’ is absurd and definitely not my character at all. If it was, I would not have come here to ask for advice in the first place! I am, first and foremost a realist, I know that it’s more than likely that nothing will come of this. The romantic part of my character does say ‘but what if….’ because he was a significant relationship for me if only for the fact I truly believe it liberated me in my early adult life. Do we not all have those ‘what if’ thoughts about things from our past? Maybe that’s just me?

Secondly, we have messaged more and I now know that he has 3 children and is… divorced. Last March so quite recent and no idea if he’s in another relationship or not yet. I can ask that later. I am also aware that he has not seen what I now look like, I’m certainly not the skinny 21yo that he last saw, he may not even like what he sees. The context of our lives now, work, family etc is far removed from the time we met travelling and we may not even get on. I’ve reconciled that this will most certainly only be a bit of nostalgia over a coffee after work but will at least represent some closure at least if things don’t go from there. I actually hope a friendship might develop… and at least some part of me hopes for something more (it’s the 10% romantic streak I try to bury).

in terms of outfit, well I’m at work so no chance of that bat outfit that was suggested (not that I can pull it off anyway). So it’s a simple black A Line dress with a jacket.

I will let you know later how it goes, we meet at 6

OP posts:
mrshiddleston69 · 06/01/2023 09:48

@AbiVenete oh that's great news. You sound like you have a very good head on your shoulders. So I'm confident for you that whatever the outcome you will be fine. I also have that little romantic mills and boon fan hiding somewhere inside me so I'm quietly hoping that this is fate bringing you back together. How exciting

Thisisworsethananticpated · 06/01/2023 09:50

Yay divorced 😁

mrsh1807 · 06/01/2023 09:52

AbiVenete · 06/01/2023 09:44

Morning Everyone, apologies for my ‘disappearance’, just been busy at work.

Ive read through the responses and just want to reassure people that I will not, ever, be the ‘other’ woman and have an affair. I value myself too much. The notion that I might ‘shag first and ask questions later’ is absurd and definitely not my character at all. If it was, I would not have come here to ask for advice in the first place! I am, first and foremost a realist, I know that it’s more than likely that nothing will come of this. The romantic part of my character does say ‘but what if….’ because he was a significant relationship for me if only for the fact I truly believe it liberated me in my early adult life. Do we not all have those ‘what if’ thoughts about things from our past? Maybe that’s just me?

Secondly, we have messaged more and I now know that he has 3 children and is… divorced. Last March so quite recent and no idea if he’s in another relationship or not yet. I can ask that later. I am also aware that he has not seen what I now look like, I’m certainly not the skinny 21yo that he last saw, he may not even like what he sees. The context of our lives now, work, family etc is far removed from the time we met travelling and we may not even get on. I’ve reconciled that this will most certainly only be a bit of nostalgia over a coffee after work but will at least represent some closure at least if things don’t go from there. I actually hope a friendship might develop… and at least some part of me hopes for something more (it’s the 10% romantic streak I try to bury).

in terms of outfit, well I’m at work so no chance of that bat outfit that was suggested (not that I can pull it off anyway). So it’s a simple black A Line dress with a jacket.

I will let you know later how it goes, we meet at 6

Have a wonderful time later, I hope it’s not a dreary disappointment!! Look forward to your update, what a way to brighten a dull January Friday 🤩♥️

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 06/01/2023 09:57

@AbiVenete you sounds like you have totally the right attitude.
I haven't agreed with some of the judgemental comments on here making assumptions about what either of you may or may not do.

I totally understand that 10% you are feeling. It would be very hard not to, especially now you have found out he is divorced. But seeing it as a potential friendship, closure or just a nice coffee with some one from your past is really healthy I think.

I hope you have a lovely time Smile

Pickledprune · 06/01/2023 10:08

Sending good luck and love OP. Hope it all goes well ☺️

Alcemeg · 06/01/2023 10:15

God, OP, throughout my life I wish I'd had my head screwed on half as well as you clearly do.

So it’s a simple black A Line dress with a jacket.
Hopefully, just in case you get your 10%, the dress is modified with a full-length Velcro opening so that it can be ripped off in one go, like in a dance competition!

Have lots of fun, however things turn out!

Rockingcloggs · 06/01/2023 10:18

Alcemeg · 06/01/2023 10:15

God, OP, throughout my life I wish I'd had my head screwed on half as well as you clearly do.

So it’s a simple black A Line dress with a jacket.
Hopefully, just in case you get your 10%, the dress is modified with a full-length Velcro opening so that it can be ripped off in one go, like in a dance competition!

Have lots of fun, however things turn out!

Always wanted a skirt like that ala Buck's Fizz!

Forthelast · 06/01/2023 10:19

This is a nerve wracking thread.

Ineedtosleep79 · 06/01/2023 10:19

Alcemeg · 06/01/2023 10:15

God, OP, throughout my life I wish I'd had my head screwed on half as well as you clearly do.

So it’s a simple black A Line dress with a jacket.
Hopefully, just in case you get your 10%, the dress is modified with a full-length Velcro opening so that it can be ripped off in one go, like in a dance competition!

Have lots of fun, however things turn out!

😂😂

cowsaysmoo · 06/01/2023 10:25

Good luck OP! This is so exciting!
Please don't listen to all sceptical messages! I think it's great you're meeting to catch up and time will show what comes of it.
But obviously the romantic in me screams yesssssss for 'divorced' and keeps fingers crossed for single too!
Enjoy tonight!

ABBA73 · 06/01/2023 10:35

You most definitely have the right attitude, again I wish you all the luck in the World! And, personally speaking, I most definitely have those "what if" thoughts about events in my life.

Keep us posted! ❤

FluffyFlower · 06/01/2023 10:59

It sounds promising, if he is recently divorced he may as well be fully available.. At the very least this meeting will be something to remember, and life is all about moments like this! Have fun! We are all keen to wake up to an update tomorrow morning!

GoodNightsSleep · 06/01/2023 11:07

Keep the location secret otherwise you’ll find all the surrounding tables occupied by MNers hanging on every word. 😉

Wfhandbored · 06/01/2023 11:07

YES OP! Too many judgemental people here who think the worst of people. Thank you for not getting too annoyed and disappearing as there's so many of us constantly checking this for updates. Cannot wait to see how it goes later!

LadySweetPea · 06/01/2023 11:31

You are thinking he'll be noting you are not the skinny 21yo that you were? Oh, why do women talk about themselves like this? Do you think he's going to still be a hot 20-something? More to the point, do you think he is in the slightest insecure about his looks? No, because he's a guy. Please don't waste another moment on self doubt. The guy is lucky you got in touch. How nice to be able to catch up with a friend from so long ago.

Original poster
AbiVenete · 06/01/2023 11:42

@LadySweetPea It was meant as a throwaway comment to illustrate the fact I’m not assuming he’ll be into me just because… I get your point though.

thanks to everyone for the encouragement and support, I never thought this would generate so much interest

OP posts:
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