Should I message?

[AbiVenete]

Years ago, while backpacking, I met a man who I instantly clicked with and we had a whirlwind 7 days of the most amazing sex I have ever had. We both had separate flights and we agreed to meet back in UK. He wrote his name and number in a book (this predates mobiles and Facebook) which I then lost.

A few weeks ago, while reading the news online, I instantly recognised his face, name the same… he has just taken a high profile job in my region. I immediately felt that tinge of excitement, looked him up, he’s on LinkedIn but nothing obvious anywhere else so no idea if he’s single or anything.

Am I being ridiculous to think about messaging? He probably a) wont remember me b) is married or unavailable. I am single again and keep drafting messages but unsure exactly what to say. Should I message or just leave it in the past?

How exciting!

How exciting OP really hope things go well on Friday xx

Fantastic! So glad you messaged him 😁

Yeah it would be a red flag if they are swanning (or shagging) their way through middle age without any interest in being in a relationship. From a relationship point of view!
I personally know a few women who are charming, attractive and happily single,m in their 40s, but, as far as I know, they would all be happier to be in a relationship. I also know quite a few men of similar age and description, men who should be the dating pool of the aforementioned women, but who otherwise man children who suffer from restlessness, discontent, and aversion to commitment that they try to salve by dating women younger than themselves because, superficially at least, this is what’s supposed to make them happy.

I know plenty of very good looking, successful, career driven and utterly lovely single males and females in their 30’s and 40’s. I envy them sometimes. They’re not closet gays or walking red flags, some people choose to be single, that’s it. Not everyone in life wants to settle down and have children and marriage, that doesn’t make them a red flag.

Sorry op, but I’m betting he’s married or has a partner….but then I am a fully fledged cynic. I absolutely would not be turning up to meet him though (much less considering what to wear) unless I’d asked his relationship status first….

Maybe not but this could be a short window in his life when he is unattached. Maybe he is recently out of a relationship, separated etc...

Everyone is single at some point.

My sister is 45 and has actually never been in a relationship. Nothing wrong with her, she just likes to be alone.

I'm a single female in my 40s does that mean there is something wrong with me? 🤔

Before meeting up I think I'd be casually asking 'so what's life like these days? Married? Kids?'

That way there's no raised expectations and to be fair, if he said he was married, given the history, I'd personally not be meeting up with him. Can't see that leads to any place good.

I think if he has a wife but hasn't mentioned the wife to the OP yet but is arranging to meet up, that's potentially a bit shifty of him.

What have you got to lose? Keep us updated!

Woohoo! You might end up together...

How can anyone say they think he's married by anything he has replied ? I personally don't . Go for it op ❤️ like you
Said if he is married that's no fault of your own . He hasn't admitted it . If he does then like you said leave it there . But if he isn't who knows what could happen. I wish you all the luck in the world

Exactly. Plus they’re meeting for coffee/drink, not planning their own wedding.

How very exciting!

I think you’re asking for trouble here.

You haven’t asked his relationship status, you’re going to dress up, your previous encounters were based purely on sex.

Be honest with yourself. You’re going to meet him in the hopes that the chemistry is still there and that he’ll think so too and you’ll end up getting laid.

you deliberately didn’t ask why he is married because you hope he’s not.
While he hasn’t told you his relationship status yet you can still fantasise about the possibilities. You’re going to dress up because you hope he’ll find you attractive.

Let’s be honest. When someone has had a purely sexual relationship gets back in touch it’s not hard to know what they’re looking for.

And if he tells you he’s married are you really going to walk away without a backward glance? Not a chance.

This is how affairs start OP.

Yo oh exciting

Also excited for you!

Just ask when you see you- ever married? kids? Perfectly normal questions and perhaps easier face to face. Hopefully you'd get a straight-up answer, or one that seems shifty and then you'll know.

Not at all unusual for men to be single, at any age. A friend of mine is a male 68 y/o who lives alone, never married or wanted to be, lots of hobbies, sociable and otherwise 'normal' 🙄

So what are you wearing? Maybe another thread on Style & Beauty is in order!

you deliberately didn’t ask why he is married because you hope he’s not.
While he hasn’t told you his relationship status yet you can still fantasise about the possibilities. You’re going to dress up because you hope he’ll find you attractive.

And he hasn't asked you or raised the question because he knows that if he tells you he's married then there's less chance you'll meet up with him for sex.

Maybe I'm a bit cynical but some posters seem to be living in a romance novel. I thought this was Mumsnet, not Just17!

I get that it’s great someone can catch up after all of these years but if it’s your DP / DH that OP is meeting after having very passionate hot sex for a week, years ago granted, but he still has photos, are you still excited?

That’s if he’s married. He may be single or widowed or divorced. I am surprised she hasn’t asked him tho

Oh I agree he might be free and that could be perfect timing for them both. But OP hasn’t asked and yet posters are commenting how exciting it is like it’s a chick flick when actually it could be their DP or DH.

He’s probably on mumsnet reading this thread with fascination.

Unlikely but could you imagine haha!! Funny as!