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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Been dumped by text after 6 years.

197 replies

Fairysteps11 · 01/01/2023 15:45

Struggling!
OH messaged me when he got to work on Friday to tell me it was over.
I've barely replied apart from when to collect his stuff, which is today. I'm going out.
We were together 6 years. He was dad to my kids, not biologically.

Don't even know how to feel with a text!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairysteps11 · 01/01/2023 19:03

I don't know if this is the right way to be thinking but I want to be the girl that got away. The girl he regrets finishing and the girl he misses!!

OP posts:
PrincessOfWhales · 01/01/2023 19:04

OP, well done on the dignified silence front. It takes a lot of effort to say nothing at all

shruggingitoff · 01/01/2023 19:07

Fairysteps11 · 01/01/2023 19:03

I don't know if this is the right way to be thinking but I want to be the girl that got away. The girl he regrets finishing and the girl he misses!!

Success (and silence) is the best revenge. Keep it up...

WeAreBorg · 01/01/2023 19:07

Fairysteps11 · 01/01/2023 17:54

I didn't beg, or ask anything. I just said ok and gave him a day and time to collect his stuff.
He messaged this morning and said happy new year which i ignored.
I'm pleased with myself as I'm normally one to kick up a fuss. I didn't want to get into an argument for him to feel he's made the right decision.
I'm just being silent from now on. I have to be

You are fucking awesome

Somanysocks · 01/01/2023 19:11

Continue to be strong and dignified (even if you don't feel it at the moment).

Stravaig · 01/01/2023 19:13

SchnauzerEyebrows · 01/01/2023 19:01

But you don't ask what they need you just give support and help wherever else is necessary! If I read a post asking what I needed from the thread I'd take it as "what have you posted on here for?!"

Show quote history

It's actually a completely normal and appropriate question to ask in any setting which aims to offer care and support.

'What do you need? How can we best support you? What would be most helpful to you right now?'

Everyone is different, and ideally people receive the support they need in a form which is helpful to them - not whatever you deem important.

Ineedtosleep79 · 01/01/2023 19:13

Fairysteps11 · 01/01/2023 17:54

I didn't beg, or ask anything. I just said ok and gave him a day and time to collect his stuff.
He messaged this morning and said happy new year which i ignored.
I'm pleased with myself as I'm normally one to kick up a fuss. I didn't want to get into an argument for him to feel he's made the right decision.
I'm just being silent from now on. I have to be

He messaged this morning saying Happy New Year.

What an absolute nob 😂 x

AnnieSnap · 01/01/2023 19:19

Sounds like you’re well rid of him and you are handling it with such dignity. You will have to go through grief for the good things and what might have been, but you are strong and happiness will come. ❤️💐

ShinyMe · 01/01/2023 19:21

Stravaig · 01/01/2023 19:13

It's actually a completely normal and appropriate question to ask in any setting which aims to offer care and support.

'What do you need? How can we best support you? What would be most helpful to you right now?'

Everyone is different, and ideally people receive the support they need in a form which is helpful to them - not whatever you deem important.

Show quote history

'What do you need from this?' is a really good question to ask, and it's something I think we should normalise. It's much better than assuming you know what a person wants from something, whether it's a thread on a forum, or a conversation. For example, my mother always wants to 'fix' things, and over the years if I ever moaned or complained about a problem, or talked about something bad, she immediately started to offer suggestions and things I 'should' do, which I found really really annoying, when what I wanted was to offload and have someone say 'yep, that's shit, I'm not surprised you feel crap'. In the end we'd both feel frustrated with the conversation. I think asking makes conversations much more effective.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 01/01/2023 19:24

What a piece of shit. OP you’re awesome in the way you’re handling things. Don’t grieve for too long - he’s not worth it. And I too hope you’re ‘the one that got away’. It would serve him right. 💐

blebbleb · 01/01/2023 19:24

You've done so well, I don't think I could have kept it together like that. You're well rid of that selfish git. I'm sure he'll come to regret it in time but by then you'd have moved on! You deserve better.

SoSweetAndSalty · 01/01/2023 19:31

@Stravaig I read your initial post in the way you meant it! I thought it was a nice supportive thing to write. 🙂

OP, it very very early days but I hope you get to the point where you don't care about him anymore soon enough. Have you ever split up before or is it totally unexpected? Did he ever say he was unhappy?

Original poster
Fairysteps11 · 01/01/2023 19:33

You've all been incredible, thank you so much for all your responses!!
I too believe that I didn't deserve that. I've stuck by him through a lot, and I just feel it's been thrown back in my face.
He is a knob! He really is!!!
Although I agree there should be something where you can write your reviews of your ex for future girlfriends to read 🤣 I can imagine mine now...

OP posts:
Stravaig · 01/01/2023 19:36

@SoSweetAndSalty The original wasn't me! It was @StrictlyAFemaleFemale I too thought it was lovely and supportive :)

Stravaig · 01/01/2023 19:39

@ShinyMe Totally agree. I know those conversations too :)

Peasepuddingbloodycold · 01/01/2023 19:39

'What do you need from this?' is a really good question to ask, and it's something I think we should normalise.

I agree, but it's a bit of a therapy-y thing and may be an unfamiliar idea to many.

Sparklfairy · 01/01/2023 19:43

Re being the one who got away, i think he's probably got a bit of a shock at your reaction as you said you are the type to kick up a fuss (like me) so he wasn't expecting this.

The new year text is a bit of a giveaway. Sort of, hm, she's forgotten me already?!

Don't be surprised if he tries to win you back at some point, even a long time from now when your hurt has faded."I made a mistake, you were the best thing that ever happened to me, I was in a bad place, didn't know what I was doing blah blah".

Never, ever forget the cruel, disrespectful and cold way he broke up with you. With one text he shat on all your memories together and now you know he's capable of that, you would always be on edge wondering when he was going to do it again.

Colourinsidethelines · 01/01/2023 19:44

What a dick he is. A text after 6 years? Bloody coward. Well done you, keep your head held high. ❤

YoSofi · 01/01/2023 19:46

OP you’re amazing!

My ex did this last year, walked out to go to work one morning and then text that evening to say it was done and blocked me. 4 years together, blended family. He was an abusive cunt though.

Anyway, it nearly killed me and I did lose some dignity for around a month but then I got some therapy and pulled myself together. Obviously I later found there was another woman 🙄.

Guess who has been begging me back for the past 7 months? His life has literally fallen apart around him bit by bit since he left. He actually text recently saying I was the one that got away and he’ll never forgive himself.

I wish him no harm, but he showed me who he is and I would rather gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon than have him back. You’ll feel the same way soon, promise x

Original poster
Fairysteps11 · 01/01/2023 20:06

Sparklfairy · 01/01/2023 19:43

Re being the one who got away, i think he's probably got a bit of a shock at your reaction as you said you are the type to kick up a fuss (like me) so he wasn't expecting this.

The new year text is a bit of a giveaway. Sort of, hm, she's forgotten me already?!

Don't be surprised if he tries to win you back at some point, even a long time from now when your hurt has faded."I made a mistake, you were the best thing that ever happened to me, I was in a bad place, didn't know what I was doing blah blah".

Never, ever forget the cruel, disrespectful and cold way he broke up with you. With one text he shat on all your memories together and now you know he's capable of that, you would always be on edge wondering when he was going to do it again.

This!! This is exactly what he's done! In one sentence!! Thank you!!!
If he ever tried to get in touch, there still won't be any communication. I feel pretty adamant even though I'm sad, that there is no chance in the world I'd give him. For that, I'm pretty proud of myself!

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairysteps11 · 01/01/2023 20:09

YoSofi · 01/01/2023 19:46

OP you’re amazing!

My ex did this last year, walked out to go to work one morning and then text that evening to say it was done and blocked me. 4 years together, blended family. He was an abusive cunt though.

Anyway, it nearly killed me and I did lose some dignity for around a month but then I got some therapy and pulled myself together. Obviously I later found there was another woman 🙄.

Guess who has been begging me back for the past 7 months? His life has literally fallen apart around him bit by bit since he left. He actually text recently saying I was the one that got away and he’ll never forgive himself.

I wish him no harm, but he showed me who he is and I would rather gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon than have him back. You’ll feel the same way soon, promise x

I am so sorry that happened to you, but you've shown me some amazing strength! It's probably not the nicest way to put it but it's really helping me knowing that people have got through similar and have made it through the other side!! Thank you so much for sharing!

OP posts:
YoSofi · 01/01/2023 20:11

Fairysteps11 · 01/01/2023 20:09

I am so sorry that happened to you, but you've shown me some amazing strength! It's probably not the nicest way to put it but it's really helping me knowing that people have got through similar and have made it through the other side!! Thank you so much for sharing!

Show quote history

No I completely understand, I trawled the internet constantly looking for similar stories when it happened to me, it made me feel less alone.

I promise, although some days will be tough, you will get through it and be happier in the long run.

Your silence is your power, they hate not getting a reaction. You’ve got this, you really have x

Original poster
Fairysteps11 · 01/01/2023 20:13

Colourinsidethelines · 01/01/2023 19:44

What a dick he is. A text after 6 years? Bloody coward. Well done you, keep your head held high. ❤

I absolutely will do... just might need a little cry now and again 😆

OP posts:
Sunsetintheeast · 01/01/2023 20:13

He is a coward. He’ll be back.

Gwdihooooo · 01/01/2023 20:21

I think it’s great taking the silent road!… But a part of me would just want to send one text saying how cruel he has been! maybe he thinks ours acceptable because I’d lack of response?