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Original poster

How many of your male partners have actually been any good in bed? been

167 replies

1980sfookup · 29/12/2022 21:06

Just on the back of something I read on another thread, looking back over my "career" I'm late 50s now but have had three serious relationships including one marriage. Have had eight other sexual partners between (my) ages of 15 to 54 (not had sex for four years - single now) but thinking back can't think of any one of these guys that were outstanding in bed. Have I just missed out and there are some real super stars out there or is it just the way it is? Saying that tho I had a brief fling with someone who was very eager to please but I didn't really fancy him - he was a rebound/revenge fuck which days more about me than him sadly. Anyway - can anyone attest that there are men out there that still prioritise a woman's enjoyment in the bedroom ... Or wherever

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 29/12/2022 21:08

One, possibly two and I have slept with quite a few people 😬, most were selfish, just out to get their own pleasure.

ToBeOrNotToBee · 29/12/2022 21:10

I'm up to 20.

The amount of truly incredible men is around 3.

All of whom have been recent partners.

Sex in my late teens and twenties was overall rubbish.

Now, eye opening.

ToBeOrNotToBee · 29/12/2022 21:10

I'm up to 20.

The amount of truly incredible men is around 3.

All of whom have been recent partners.

Sex in my late teens and twenties was overall rubbish.

Now, eye opening.

Zanatdy · 29/12/2022 21:13

Not many. I mean I had one guy I saw casually for around a year that I really enjoyed having sex with. But that wasn’t anything especially amazing, I mean I just liked it as I didn’t see him all that often. I’ve just started dating someone after 10yrs of being single. An ex work colleague and we have only just started having sex this week but omg, I think I could get used to this. A man not just interested in his own pleasure! Foreplay? That’s that? Wow. I’ve decided that at 46 this is my sexual revolution and after a lot of crap and mediocre sex (and more no sex) I’m only having swinging from the chandeliers sex from now on! Let’s hope it lasts hey!

Oopsiedaisyy · 29/12/2022 21:31

I'm up to mid 20s I think... Had a few good ones recently, ex husband and those prior were truly dire. Current DP is very good 😁

My standards have changed, i wouldn't tolerate bad sex in a relationship these days

Worriere · 29/12/2022 21:41

I met my husband at 26, divorced now and only had mind blowing sex post-divorce. The younger men were selfish. My current partner is unbelievable. He gets his kicks from giving me mine, that's the key.

GreyCarpet · 29/12/2022 21:41

The best sex I had up until recently was with a man who was quite inexperienced but was lovely. It's the only time I've felt that it was just the two of us and no one and nothing else mattered.

No swinging from chandeliers or anything like that but I felt completely safe with him. There was a real connection.

I've had technically good sex with others but it felt impersonal and like they were running through their repertoire. I mean, they were good repertoires but there was no connection at all.

I dated a man once for a couple of months before we had sex. He ended it afterwards telling me he thought I was too demanding in bed. I wasn't. I just thought we should both organise and not just him...

A few men who had clearly seen too much porn and were crap because of that.

I love sex with my boyfriend now because I feel safe with him and neither of us has pushed for too much too soon and it gets better all the time as we know more about each other.

I often wonder what other women mean when they say they're having great sex because I wonder where these men are hiding and why I've met so few of them!

I've had sex with a fair few men.

GreyCarpet · 29/12/2022 21:42

Orgasm not organise! 🤣

Original poster
1980sfookup · 29/12/2022 21:43

Oopsiedaisyy · 29/12/2022 21:31

I'm up to mid 20s I think... Had a few good ones recently, ex husband and those prior were truly dire. Current DP is very good 😁

My standards have changed, i wouldn't tolerate bad sex in a relationship these days

I hear you! Last partner was truly fucking awful. No foreplay - he mentioned he first had sex when he was around 15 - I truly believe he was using the same moves. Its been that long not sure I'll even have sec again but if I do if it's shit I'm off😁

OP posts:
GrowingToads · 29/12/2022 21:44

Safety is the key.

It can take sex and love to a different level.

Mahanii · 29/12/2022 21:48

I definitely wouldn't put up with shit sex now. Out of the many (many!) men I've slept with, 4 were good and that was because they focused on my pleasure. Current man is going nowhere, he's incredible!

Grumpycatsmum · 29/12/2022 21:51

Out of about 15 I'd say 5 were really good. DP and ex DP probably the best. Only a couple were actively bad and they didn't last long

arethereanyleftatall · 29/12/2022 21:52

Up until I was 45 yo, none of them. Now, post 45, all of them. I won't stand for anything less nowadays.

Alcemeg · 29/12/2022 21:53

GreyCarpet · 29/12/2022 21:42

Orgasm not organise! 🤣

I had visions of you shouting instructions through a loudhailer 😂

Rosiemari · 29/12/2022 21:54

My number is only four. I'd say that one was truly good and he wasn't my husband (soon to be ex) it was a boyfriend pre husband.

RagingWoke · 29/12/2022 22:00

I've had more good than bad luckily. Teens wasnt a great time, lots of awkward fumbling and then one who can be best described as 'like a thirsty cat' 🙄

ditalini · 29/12/2022 22:04

Only dh. All the ones before him (10 or so) were really pretty poor in retrospect.

I am so glad I didn't end up with one of them and think that was all there was to sex.

OppositeNumber · 29/12/2022 22:08

A third were good including DH who’s by far the best. One ex was not technically good but I was free to use him to please myself. One was very good but I felt like a notch on his bedpost. It had all just been sex till DH and then making love took it to another level (we have a range encounters from romantic to pure shagging).

usern1272022 · 29/12/2022 22:10

Not many. I find that as you get older, it can get better as men tend to focus more on you rather than just being completely selfish. Well, that's my experience anyway, I'm sure a lot would disagree!

I think a lot of it boils down to chemistry as well. Someone could be amazing and "do all the right things" but if there's not much chemistry between you, it just won't feel as good. Likewise, if someone can't quite hit the spot but you have amazing sexual chemistry, it still feels great. The journey can be just as fun as the destination!

Benjaminsniddlegrass · 29/12/2022 22:10

I can't remember how many men I've had sex with (30 something I guess). Very few have been satisfying. That said I wonder how much of that was the context for me, I think as others have said, safety is key. The best sex I've ever had by a county mile is my DH. It's nowt to do with technique but because we care about each others pleasure, we want to make each other happy, we effectively communicate our needs and are willing to try things for each other. Plus intimacy.
That said I was 28 when I met him so the majority of my previous sexual experiences were late teens/early twenties so was never likely to be very good to fair....

TwittleBee · 29/12/2022 22:12

Out of the 27, I'd say 5 have particularly blown me away. I've only had 2 men who have been particularly disappointing. The rest were all adequate.

Martinisarebetterdirty · 29/12/2022 22:16

2 have been mind blowing, one when so was in my early 20s and he was too - a casual fling but he knew what he was doing, and the early days with DP (still good now but when we were first at it it was incredible, presumably the newness and exploration of each other helped, now we are too comfortable with each other and we know what we like rather than trying things out). The rest (about 10) have been nice enough at best. Current DP is the only one I’ve felt a huge connection with. I think I definitely settled in the past (including with ex DH), I didn’t say what I wanted or liked and he wasn’t experienced enough to know or try anything differently.

Icannoteven · 29/12/2022 22:16

One, out of the 15 men I have slept with. Only one seemed to be able to take enough note of my cues and be in sync enough with me mentally to be any good. Most men are pretty clueless what feels good to a woman and even when you try and teach them are too impatient or clumsy to learn.

I've slept with two women also and I don't know if this is coincidental but both intuitively understood what felt good. They just seemed to know what sort of movements to make, what pressure to use, when to slow or speed up etc.

IntentionalError · 29/12/2022 22:18

I’m a firm believer that for every man who is crap, clueless & selfish in bed there is a woman who is passive, inhibited & unwilling to ask for what she wants. Good sex is a team game which requires honesty, openness, generosity & communication from both partners, and men are not mind readers.

Original poster
1980sfookup · 29/12/2022 22:21

IntentionalError · 29/12/2022 22:18

I’m a firm believer that for every man who is crap, clueless & selfish in bed there is a woman who is passive, inhibited & unwilling to ask for what she wants. Good sex is a team game which requires honesty, openness, generosity & communication from both partners, and men are not mind readers.

And vice versa.

OP posts: